Name: Bill Burr - Sex Lies Arrogance
Uploaded: 2011-05-24T02:07:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sex Lies Arrogance' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sex Lies Arrogance' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-05-24. Transcript available.

Oh, I know what I'm going to talk about.
Where the fuck is my newspaper here?
This is at the risk of burning some potential material.
This is something you can look forward to watching me go off on in the future
on stage.
All right, hang on a second.
I got to blow my goddamn nose again.
Hold on, hold on.
Let's go eat a pastry.
Ah!
Fuck.
There we go.
Had to get it out of the mustache.
Anyways, so everybody saw what happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger this week,
right?
So Time Magazine has an article out there.
It says, sex lies arrogance.
What makes powerful men act like pigs?
Okay?
So, I look at who wrote it.
It's written by a lady.
How fucking funny is that?
Sex lies arrogance.
What makes powerful men act like pigs?
A woman is going to tell the world why guys act the way they act.
Do you realize how fucked up?
At what point are men going to make a fucking stand here with this, okay, I don't
want to come off like a chauvinistic pig here.
And you're just giving away everything.
A guy should have wrote this article.
He could have had so much more fucking insight.
What the fuck does a woman know?
She doesn't know.
And the whole thing is just, the whole thing is written by, in the female's
point of view, which is the only thing you understand, is being that woman who
got cheated on.
So, there's this woman scorned vibe under the whole article.
But there's no information in here.
I learned nothing.
I was reading it.
I learned nothing as a guy.
And she's fucking wrong on most of her points.
One of the great things they like to say is that men of power, the reason why
they cheat is because they feel entitled.
They feel they're entitled.
I'm not going to burn the bit.
But that's so not even true.
And what kills me is some fucking broad like this Nancy Gibbs would sit there
and argue with me.
Being a lady, a lady, do you understand what you're doing there?
You're basically telling me that you know how my brain works better than I do.
I was watching her.
The reason why I bought this fucking article, because I was sitting, I was
watching it on television.
I saw the art.
And then, obviously, like a fucking magnet, I'm drawn to this.
I'm like, I like this topic.
I want to hear about this.
And then Nancy Gibbs comes on.
And she's talking to a guy.
And he's going, really?
Oh, is that what it is?
Oh, okay.
Like, it's, I don't know.
It's just, it's fucking horrific.
That would be like me.
Like, here's something for you.
Here's, here's like, like women, you're never going to know what it's like to
have a dick.
All right?
So, stop it.
Stop trying to write articles.
Try, stop trying to act like you're in our heads.
And you know what we're thinking.
You don't.
You're always going to be observed.
You're going to be an observer.
You're sitting on the grassy knoll.
Want to do?
Where did the shots come from?
You have no fucking idea.
You're just coming up with your theories.
The nerve of you to get to cover a fucking Time Magazine with this horse shit.
Just a bunch of horse shit.
They got one over there.
Listen to this shit.
The turning points.
This is from another lady.
They had two people write about this shit.
Lane, I can't even read her fucking last name, uh, Cialino, whatever.
France is having its Anita Hill moment.
When the law professor testified before the Senate committee in 1991 that a
former boss,
Clarence Thomas, had sexually harassed her, he denied everything and was
elevated to the
Supreme Court.
Notice how the fucking angry cunt leaves out the fact that he was acquitted.
The guy was acquitted.
She makes it seem like he was accused of that stuff.
And because of that, he was, because of that attention, he was elevated to the
Supreme Court.
But anyways, hearings were a turning point.
But hearings were a turning point.
Women suddenly said that the madman style of behavior they had been putting up
with at work for so long,
the leering, the inappropriate touching, the sexual banter was not acceptable.
Do you understand that she's not talking about the 1960s there?
She's talking about 1991.
I'm not saying that that shit wasn't happening.
But, you know, I was in the workforce there.
All right?
People weren't walking around going, hey, toots grabbing people's asses at work
in 1989, 1990, 1991.
They weren't.
I mean, generally speaking, weren't.
But this lady just fucking goes the madman style, which is from the 1960s.
Madison Avenue.
Hey, sweetie, go make me a fucking sandwich.
That era.
Completely ignoring all the bullshit that happened in the late 60s, 70s, right
through the fucking 80s.
In the 80s, they were talking about women wearing their fucking little power
suits and power ties and all that fucking horse shit.
This is all just one of these classic things where you just, you just, you have
your angle and then you just write the whole fucking article.
It's complete horse shit.
What the hell is the quote in here I wanted to read?
I don't even know.
All right?
Let me tell you something, Nancy.
Let me tell you something, Elaine.
Those guys don't do that shit because they feel entitled.
They don't.
All right?
They don't.
And if you want to know why, come out to a comedy club because I'm not burning
the fucking material.
I'll talk about it a little bit.
I'll talk about it real quick.
All right?
What it is is women don't understand what it's like to have a dick.
They just don't get it.
Okay?
The fucking thing tells us what to do.
You know?
And right now they're rolling their eyes because they don't understand the sex
drive that we have.
How could they?
They got a vag.
All right?
And the thing is, there's no information out there to help people, to help guys
out.
Nothing.
All guys, there's no information about being a guy in general.
Hey, keep it in your pants.
That's the sexual advice we get.
That's what we get.
Fucking, you got Cosmo.
There's reams of shit talking about all the folds in your vagina every goddamn
month.
We get, hey, keep it in your pants.
That's the kind of advice guys get.
You go to jail.
Hey, don't drop the soap.
That's it.
That's all you get.
We get little fucking four sentences and that's how we're supposed to fucking
navigate through life.
So, you're born with a dick.
You got this ridiculous fucking sex drive.
The only thing that fucking keeps it in check is the fact that women won't fuck
you.
You got to figure out.
You got to talk them into it.
You go through dry spells.
That's the only thing that prevents a guy from fucking 24 hours a day is other
women making it difficult for us to get laid.
But then what happens is when you become in a position of power, these cunts
flip the fucking table and will suck your dick under your fucking goddamn desk
while your wife sits across from you.
So, now the governor has taken off.
You've never had to control your sexual urges because it was always done for
you.
You're like a spoiled kid.
Now, you're fucking famous.
You got all these broads coming at you.
You don't know what to do because you never really notice how much you've been
being led around by your dick.
Now, I'm not saying every powerful guy out there is an angel.
There's not.
There's definitely some pigs out there.
There's definitely some guys out there who do feel entitled.
But to just paint it with that broad fucking stroke of a brush and to have a
fucking woman sitting there telling me.
You don't know what you're talking about, lady.
All right?
It just fucking blows my mind.
It blows my fucking mind that they put two people on this assignment and they
were both women.
Was that some political correct fucking thing?
Because they were worried that guys were going to say what the fuck I'm saying?
That basically their husbands would be out fucking everything that moved if
women wanted to fuck the way we wanted to?
I don't know.
And not to mention, most people can't handle power and that includes broads.
Okay?
So, you get some guy in a powerful position.
His ego's already going to go through the fucking roof.
And then you combine that with the fact that basically half of the free world
will now fuck him.
And he's supposed to somehow rein that in.
And his only piece of advice is keep it in your pants.
You know?
I mean, I don't know.
It's really embarrassing that Time Magazine went this fucking superficial.
That they just basically...
I mean, it was like Psych 101.
How they broke it down.
Even their shit on Arnold Schwarzenegger about how he likes fucking around with
girls that aren't beautiful.
You know?
They said it was because he was intimidated by beautiful women and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
See?
They're women.
They don't get the difference between hooking up with a hottie and hooking up
with the plain Jane girl.
Who's going to try harder.
Okay?
As opposed to the fucking chick who's got 0% body fat and just thinks she's God's
goddamn gift.
You've seen that, right?
You go to a titty bar.
The hottest one there.
Does she try as hard as that fucking one in the middle?
She doesn't.
And after a while, you know what?
You start looking at those hotties going, you know what?
They're fucking more trouble than they're worth.
All right?
I want my dick sucked to completion.
Who am I going with?
The supermodel looking chick?
Or the chick who's just happy to be there?
Fucking morons.
I don't know.