Name: Bill Burr&Nia - Logical Argument With A Woman
Uploaded: 2011-06-07T16:17:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Logical Argument With A Woman' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Logical Argument With A Woman' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-07. Transcript available.

It's overrated, underrated.
This is a classic here.
All right, overrated.
All right, brother, I got one for you.
Overrated.
Trying to have a logical argument with a woman you're dating.
Now, just wait.
Do I need to be here for this?
Yeah, yeah, because you need to balance it out
so this doesn't come off as totally misogynistic.
All right?
What?
You don't have to be here.
No, go ahead.
All right, just come on, Nia.
Be fun.
Have fun.
All right, overrated.
Trying to have a logical argument with a woman you're dating.
It never ceases to amaze me.
Every time I overhear some retard complaining about some chick
that won't listen, won't listen to them
and argues with them all the time.
Any veteran dude who's been with a chick over 48 hours
knows that they don't stay on topic
and they don't think logically.
They aren't trying to fix shit.
It's an emotional thing with them.
So why anyone thinks they can talk to a chick in that mindset
is beyond me.
The way I see it, most guys go one of two routes
when presented with an angry bitch.
This guy seems enlightened, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Why should I listen to anything this fucking asshole has to say?
Don't let him make you mad.
He's throwing you off your game.
Anyways, either they choose the path of least resistance
saying yeah over and over again
and nodding and gazing into oblivion.
A lot of guys do that.
Those are the henpeck guys.
All right, yeah.
Because they know whatever they say won't make a difference
or they pander to their petty, weak emotions and sensitivities
by talking slowly at a dull whisper
trying to calm and appease them.
Both methods have their benefits.
However, I'd like to offer a third avenue,
if I may.
I've been faithfully married seven years now
and it works so far.
Not that I'm an expert, but here you go.
Here's his third one.
All right?
First, like any competitive dude,
you beat them at their own game.
When they come at you saying something like,
why is this thock on the ground
and I told you to put it blah, blah, blah
in that bitchy, whiny, I want to fight voice
wagging their finger and cocking their head sideways.
Are you this guy in a reality show
or is this how his wife reacts?
Anyways, you just reply in your loudest tone
whatever the fuck the last thing that pissed you off was.
And as you say it, you keep eye contact
and walk straight up to him.
So basically, if you said,
why are these socks on the ground?
I'm supposed to, in my loudest voice,
go and not break eye contact,
walk right up to you and be like,
why didn't you do the dishes last night?
And what is that supposed to do?
Oh, wait, he's not done yet.
This is the beginning.
This is the first quarter, okay?
Let the game plan unfold here.
All right, where the hell am I?
I lost my place.
Usually, this will startle them.
Oh, God.
As they come back.
No, come on, Nia.
You got to listen to this.
As they come back.
This is like they tell you what to do
when approaching a bear
or something like that, okay?
Make a lot of noise.
Just let me finish.
This guy is a douchebag.
Let me finish, Nia.
No, no, no, I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'll be right back.
All right.
As they come back with what,
as they come back with
what does that have to do
with whatever we're arguing about,
you just pull down your pants
and start jacking your dick
while they stand there
with that dumb, confused look on their face.
Nia, come on.
You got to be back here for the reactions.
All right?
He's obviously joking.
And while they try it,
no, this is obviously joking.
Maybe this is forward thinking.
Let me finish here.
This is a new strategy.
And while they try to regain
whatever thought they had
in that scanner brain skull,
you just keep going to town,
not saying a word.
If they talk to you till completion,
you just say thank you.
That's about what that argument was worth.
And you walk away.
As you leave,
pick up the sock or whatever
and toss it in the hamper.
There you go.
That's his thing.
Well, at least he still puts it away.
Yeah.
Yeah, so everybody's happy.
No, he's joking.
This is obviously somebody
who's pandering
to your over-the-top,
completely ridiculous,
misogynistic statements
you say on a weekly basis
on this fucking podcast.
And he's trying to impress you
by coming up with,
I've seen this time and time again.
Why don't you do the dishes?
Wait a minute.
Let me, wait a second.
Shut up.
No, this is just some copycat fan.
I'm supposed to take this seriously
like this is a real thing?
I don't know.
I'm not giving this
another fucking thought.
Next.
Anyways.
So he said,
Bill, your way
with dealing with women
is pretty good,
but it's passive-aggressive.
I don't even know
what he's talking about.
And I know how you feel
about that shit,
about being passive-aggressive.
Even if you're doing it
to maintain the high road
for your future breakup,
why does it matter
if the,
what does it matter
if the relationship is over?
I don't know
what he thinks
my strategy is.
Anyways, he said,
you might as well say fuck it
and go out in a blaze of glory.
Granted,
I know about losing your cool
and shit like that,
but in the end
it just builds up
and leads to a bigger blow-up.
You end up staring at the ceiling
or yelling as you drive in the car
thinking,
damn,
I should have come back
with this or that.
No, fuck that.
No matter how witty
your snappier comeback is,
it wouldn't have made any difference
because that bitch
isn't going to listen.
The only thing,
you wouldn't know
that this guy's happily married.
The only thing...
Yeah, you don't sound
happily married.
You're letting this guy
get to you.
He's totally winning right now.
You're getting mad.
He said to pull out his dick
and jack it till completion.
That's what I'm saying.
This is bullshit.
Obviously.
So why am I listening to this?
He's just trying to be funny.
Yeah, that's what...
And you know what you're doing?
That's what I said.
You're being a fun sponge.
You're just sucking
all the fucking...
That totally isn't real.
You're taking it seriously.
So this guy actually asked me
what my strategy is with women.
Well, I'm going to tell you this.
I actually...
I'm doing a giant chunk
of material on this.
I disagree with you.
Women argue...
Stay on topic
if they're right.
All right?
If they're wrong,
that's when they do
all the diversionary tactics
and they try to make it
about something else.
And if you're not going for it,
if you don't fall
for their diversionary tactics,
then their last-ditch effort
is to try to make you mad.
My strategy, yeah,
is you don't...
You don't lose your cool.
You stay on target.
Right?
Like that dude in Star Wars.
You stay on target.
And when they're saying
over-the-top mean shit,
you don't respond to it
because that's just them.
You ever see a goat
get choked to death
by a python?
Anybody else watch
those fucked-up YouTube videos?
You know?
They're stunned at first.
They fight.
And then there's
that middle part like,
dude, what the fuck?
What is this?
And then the very end
when they only have
a little bit of air left,
they fucking kick in their legs
like a maniac
before they die.
That's the female version.
That's the goat version
getting killed
by a python.
Jesus Christ.
of women
when they start saying
that mean shit.
That's their last little
kick of the legs
before it's over.
So I don't respond
to that shit anymore.
Actually, I do a little bit,
but I've gotten myself
to the point where I know
that it's happening.
And then that's what
I did yesterday.
She started doing that shit
and I just took my plate of food
and I walked in the other room.
And I'm telling you.
But the big thing is
if you're wrong,
you have to admit it.
Because that gives you
credibility in the future.
So there you go.
And that was an absolutely
fucking hilarious email.
And it made it even funnier
with Nia sitting here
taking it seriously.
That's ridiculous.
He wouldn't do that.
I'm calling bullshit.
He didn't jerk off
till he came.
Like his wife.
I gotta tell you though.
That would be
fucking hilarious
to do that.
I mean, I could stand there
and rub my dick,
but it would just be
so funny to me.
I don't think I could
get a hard on.
I gotta be honest with you.
Oh, that's disgusting.
All right.