Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Possible STD
Uploaded: 2011-06-28T17:48:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Possible STD' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Possible STD' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-06-28. Transcript available.

all right here we go advice hey bill i've been with this girl for a year and a
half we broke up
for about a month recently in this month she dated another guy from april to
may
okay that's plenty of time um to do the deed sometime around the beginning of
may she started
texting me and calling begging for me back she told me she didn't want she didn't
do anything
with this other and she wasn't thinking when she said yes to going out with him
also she told me in
this month of being together that they didn't do anything sexually oh jesus he
said that himself
i like how this man thinks uh we've been back together for about a month now
and we recently
have signed a one-year lease on an apartment together oh god uh about a week
ago she told me
that she did have sex with this other guy multiple times oh jesus this i'm just
reading
word for word what he wrote here and she thinks she may have gotten an std from
him so that's the only
reason why she came clean oh jesus did i mention that me and her are 19 and the
other guy is 32
you know dude you're 19 i can see how this happened to you she failed to
mention this to me
too and failed to mention that she thinks she has an std before we had sex
multiple times bareback
when we got back together i don't know what to do i'm stuck in a one-year lease
with a whore
and i might have an std what do i do sorry this is long this is what you do you
stop having sex with
that woman immediately you end your relationship with her immediately you go
out and you get tested
immediately i bet you don't even have it i bet you don't okay if you got herpes
it's gonna show up
right i'm gonna shut the fuck up because i don't really know too much if you
got gonorrhea or you
got syphilis that's your fucking urine's gonna hurt something's gonna happen
all right um
i think what happened was she got back together with you and then somewhere she
lied saying that
um she didn't have sex with this guy and then all of a sudden she something
happened she got hpv
i don't know what the fuck something a wart a sore something popped up and she
said holy shit she
went to the doctor and found out she got an std all right so now she has to
fucking tell you
okay because oh jesus christ this is such a fucking mess
this is such a mess because you know what this girl is she's too young to be to
be like uh
she's afraid to be alone the second you break up she goes out with somebody
else and not just goes
out and bangs somebody she goes out and has like a fucking relationship with
this guy
all right then immediately runs back to you and then signs a one-year lease so
she can fucking feel
safe and now she's with you and now she drops this bomb on you this is what you
do i don't know if you
can get out of the lease is your landlord a guy if he is have a face-to-face
with them after you get
tested and tell him that and maybe you'll luck out and just say dude can you do
me a solid
can you do me a solid the very least if you can't let me out can you let her
out i don't want to live
with this girl for the love of god maybe you can get out that way if not you
know i say you walk
dude get yourself tested you know get yourself tested and then fucking walk
all right but this is such a fucking harsh lesson to learn you you just don't
have unprotected sex
you just don't you just don't and you don't sleep with i know you didn't know
she was a whore but just in
general you just don't fucking do it you just don't do it just don't do it all
right just
just don't do it all right that's a fucking horrific story i hope it works out
good for you
um you're saying you might have an std so i'm guessing you're doing the typical
guy thing where
you're not going to the doctor immediately go to the doctor get yourself tested
all right drop to
your knees and thank god when it comes back negative which is what i'm thinking
it's going to happen and
everybody on the podcast how about we all say a collective prayer oh jesus for
this kid all right
let it come back negative let it come back clean dude and just get on with your
fucking life all right
please tell me this whore is paying rent
jesus christ i mean jesus christ jesus christ then you gotta then now you're
gonna have to
fucking break up with her and then you're living in the same place
oh my god what a nightmare then you're gonna meet other girls
fuck that dude it's only a year of your life you're only 19 jesus christ a lot
more worse things can
happen all right i'm sending you positive vibes it's coming back negatives good
have a fucking talk
with with the least guy tell him you'll fucking shovel his driveway every time
it snows until 2018
or something just let me out of here i gotta get out of here i gotta get out of
here all right
please for the love of god let me out and uh and and have at it with her but
whatever you do
wear a condom all right good luck to you sir