Name: Bill Burr&Nia - Nia Unloads
Uploaded: 2011-07-11T11:29:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Nia Unloads' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-07-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Nia Unloads' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-07-11. Transcript available.

A bit of advice here. I need a bit of advice here.
I feel guilty as – I feel as though I am the friend – Jesus, let me start
off.
I feel as though – I'm really having a rough time.
Get it together, BB.
I'm really having a rough time here.
I feel as though I am the friend that breaks up romance.
I feel guilty that I am the one who caused problems to the relationships of my
guys' friends.
I'm not sure what it is, but I think my friends talk to me more than they talk
to their women and jealousy develops.
Oh, my God.
Let me finish.
Purely factual, I know I was better looking than them.
Wait, but I wouldn't say I'm Megan Fox either.
I have been compared to Katy Perry.
I guess she's pretty too, but whatever.
Are you fucking serious?
No, she really wrote that and I butchered it the way I read it.
Oh, my God.
Now I'm in a situation that I don't know what to do with.
Two of my friends' guys seem to be flirting with me all the time, saying things
that I see as a guy would only say to his girlfriend.
I'm not really a flirty person.
I'm a good listener, but talk a lot, so conversations are never dull.
Is it me or does that just say that she dresses like a fucking hottie and stares
it towards sex?
No, I'm reading the rest of this.
Yeah, just read the rest a bit because then I want to unload.
Chime in.
No, I need to unload.
Okay.
I was told twice after my friends broke their relationships off with their
girlfriends that their girlfriends were jealous of me.
But what do you expect?
Of course we're going to have our inside jokes and lots in common.
I have strong friendships and have known my friends usually longer than they
have known their girlfriends.
It's not convenient.
I actually am pretty lucky when it comes to guys.
I'm always treated like a princess, which I adore, of course, partially because
I'm not a horny slut who chooses hot guys who are assholes just to fuck.
What?
The downside, I'm not making this up, the downside of it all is I always feel
bad about the whole situation.
I still be bad about the whole situation so I never get into relationships
myself.
So I thought I would ask you for your viewpoint in addition to my girlfriends.
What's your opinion?
Should I draw myself back or go with the flow and then see what happens?
P.S.
I know your answer is going to be rude and biased, but it's okay.
I get a kick out of it.
What does that mean?
Go with her what?
What is that last sentence she said?
I think she's talking about –
She said back off – go with the flow?
I think she's talking about – I can't tell if she's talking about letting
herself go to get into a relationship or if she should back off her guy friends
when they have girlfriends.
You know what?
Okay.
I have this to say to this girl, and I'm going to refer to this person as a
girl because only a girl would be so blatantly narcissistic and manipulative
and then have the balls to act like she doesn't understand why the other girls
don't like her.
Okay.
You know, it's like you know exactly what you're doing.
What is she doing?
You're being a manipulative little narcissist that has to be the center of
attention, and the other girls know that you're doing this.
That's why they don't like you.
They're not jealous of you.
They see exactly the kind of girl that you are.
And let me guess.
Let me guess.
Let me guess.
You're the kind of girl that – like I don't really have like a lot of female
friends because like girls are bitches and like will backstab you.
So I just like hang out with guys and have like a beer or whatever because I
don't care.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
She's one of those girls.
And the reason that is is because you are everything that most women hate, but
you're too dumb to realize that you are the one that's doing it.
Let me guess.
So you hang out with all these guys.
Your guy friends that are like confiding in you and being oh so flirty with you.
You're hanging around this guy, but I have a feeling that you suck out all the
air out of a room anytime you're around.
So whatever girl they're around immediately hates you because we hate women
like you.
And you're throwing around enough of a whiff of pussy to have them follow you
around because in typical guy fashion, some of them are just too fucking stupid.
And they're hanging on to this hope that you're actually going to fuck them.
And you're doing this because you, even though you're a narcissist, you have
all this self-loathing.
Like you don't feel like you can get a good guy.
And I'm not buying the I'm really lucky with guys.
They treat me like princess and I adore.
So why aren't you in a relationship?
Why don't you have a boyfriend?
Why are you always hanging out with other people's boyfriends?
Why don't you get your own man?
Jesus Christ.
And back the fuck off.
I hate women.
You would get an applause break on every talk show.
All you needed to end that with, you need to get a job.
I cannot stand girls like this.
So let me ask you this.
This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
I like how she casually throws out how she, oh, I'm no Megan Fox, but I haven't
been compared to Katy Perry.
Bitch, please.
All right, Nia, everybody.
Taking care of that topic.
Let me, let me just, if I can just try to just, if, if she walks into a bar and
okay, she's already in the bar.
This is what I'm picturing.
She's already in the bar or she shows up.
Like if the guys are like, oh, me and my girlfriend are going down for a
fucking brunch.
We're going to watch the game.
She comes down, looks extra cute, extra fucking hot, has her tits hanging out.
Oh yeah, of course.
And then deliberately does the inside jokes to show that she's closer to them.
She's that girl.
Absolutely.
She's totally that girl.
And I'm sure she's, you know, I'm sure she's borrowed one of their t-shirts and
wears them to one of these things.
It's like, oh my God, I totally forgot this is your t-shirt.
You left it over at my house that time.
Yeah, okay.
That's what I thought.
I see, see, well see, you know what?
I can't even believe the nerve that that email was even written.
Well, this is the thing.
How you trashed her was basically the angle I was going to trash her, but I don't
have your insight as a female.
But what was great about that was it just would have been back-to-back me trashing
a female and would have come off like an asshole.
That was great.
You actually, I feel like I pulled a little sinister move there.
I got you to do my dirty work.
Oh, is that what you think?
That was tremendous.
That email.
You really, you really.
Yeah, it really got me going.
My blood was kind of pumping.
I would say you fucking blew the pubes right off her little landing strip that
you know she's accidentally showed with her loose fucking shorts.
Yeah.