Name: Bill Burr&Nia - Overrated Underrated 08-01-11
Uploaded: 2011-08-02T18:07:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Overrated Underrated 08-01-11' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Nia - Overrated Underrated 08-01-11' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-02. Transcript available.

Overrated and underrated, overrated, wet t-shirt competitions.
For some reason, the fact that you can kind of see a woman's titty through a
soaking wet t-shirt
seems to cause us men to flock by the hundreds just to come see.
Never mind the women in that situation.
Shit, like that really cheapens us as a sex.
Why not just go out to a titty bar like a real man?
Plus a titty dancer has more dignity.
At least she's making good money out of the consequences of her fucked up
childhood.
The rest of them are freezing their tits off in a field in front of some seedy
old fuck with a hose.
Oh, I see. Seedy old fester guy spraying their titties.
Overrated. Chicks with big boobs.
Usually they have back problems.
Complain when you tweak their nips and are generally thicker.
Harder to toss around.
What?
Give me a B-cup skinny spinner any day of the week.
Built for speed.
How is somebody's back problems your issue, you douchebag?
Because they're going to sit there and whine about it.
And what girl likes you to tweak their nipples?
Hey, FYI, douche.
It's annoying and it hurts when you tweak nipples.
They're sensitive, you dumbass.
You can't tweak their nipples.
I mean, what the fuck?
Idiot.
All right, so we know how Nia feels on that one.
All right, underrated.
Girls' boobs, I take it on, it's my issue.
You know, go fuck yourself.
This is another woman's body.
And it's underrated or overrated.
Girls with big boobs are overrated.
I mean, you know how it affects me?
You dumbass.
Those boobs fed you for probably longer than you needed to, you little mama's
boy.
Now you have a boob complex.
Let me tell you something else about a woman's body that I know nothing about.
You know what?
Sit down somewhere.
Play with your micro-inch penis.
That really annoyed me.
Jesus Christ.
What, did I tweak your nipple or something recently?
You really went off.
Um, all right.
Give me a B-cup skinny girl any day.
Ugh.
Yeah, I actually, you know, I love, the B-cup's the best.
If you go in, like, long term, those other ones are just going to be fucking
sitting in her lap after a while.
Then she's going to want to get a boob reduction.
Bill, shut your fucking mouth.
What?
You know nothing.
What do you mean I know nothing?
You know nothing.
Really?
Those big ones don't end up fucking hanging below your knees?
They all end up getting saggy.
Yeah.
Newsflash.
They all end up saggy.
Most women of a certain age, if they appear perkier than whatever, they're
wearing a bra because gravity happens.
It happens to your fucking pink sack.
And it happens to boobs.
Get over it.
Yeah, but the big fucking...
You think I'm looking forward to looking at your 80-year-old balls?
I'm not.
Am I criticizing your titties?
Am I criticizing your titties?
No, you're not, but I'm just, you know.
I don't give a fuck how much you trash me.
I know I'm a mess.
Those big titties end up down in your fucking lap.
They have a shelf life to them.
They do.
And if those broads go to sleep without a bra on, forget about it.
They're hanging off the side of the bed like you drooled off your pillow.
No one really sleeps in the bra.
That sounds like the most uncomfortable.
Maybe some girls do.
It's uncomfortable.
You know what?
The reason why you balance this podcast is you fucking defend women no matter
what.
That's right.
Even if they're in the wrong with their big titties.
Underrated.
Gene Hackman.
Here's a guy who knew how to walk away.
I know he gets a shitload of praise already for his acting, but this guy had
the discipline
to pick up, to pick a retirement date to such a bizarre career choice and then
stick to it.
I didn't even know he retired.
Not to mention he's probably been tempted to come back hundreds of times by
movie studios.
I bet when the producers of the last Superman movie called him about reprising
his Lex Luthor role,
he probably just said, fuck you, I'm going fishing and hung up the phone.
That's fucking, that's a great underrated.
I didn't know he did that.
Do you know that's my dream?
To turn down a Superman franchise?
No, I want to retire.
To actually not be on stage 80 years old with my ball bag hanging down my tuxedo
pant leg.
I'll tell you, these comics today, they don't know how to go.
What's up with that?
What's up with that?
Do you think he'll ever retire?
Do you think he'll, like, or are you going to George Burns it?
I want to George Carlin it, put out a special, and then that's it.
Yeah.
That's, yeah, that's what I want to do.
Okay.
I want to be up there, that guy who, like, walks in really slowly to the
theater, and then the second he goes on stage, it's like, it's like he's in his
20s again.
No, I would like to, I don't see you retiring.
Yeah, you'll never, I don't see you retiring.
I have to do it.
Yeah.
That's the thing.
I have to do it.
If I don't do it, you know, it's like when I, if I don't do stand-up for three,
four days, I'm driving you nuts.
Yeah.
I have to go down there and be able to yell at people when they don't get to
talk to me.
You get spoiled by it.
That's why you do it.
Actually, exactly.
That's a great way of describing stand-up.
People out there, all of you out there who just feel like you're not being
heard, that's the greatest thing about stand-up.
You get to talk for an hour, and everybody else has to shut the fuck up, and if
they open their mouths, you get to tell them to go fuck themselves, and then a
whole room full of people applauds you.
It's tremendous.
It's like, I can't even explain how awesome that is, and I highly recommend it,
but there is a price to pay.
All right, underrated.
What is that price?
What is the price?
The loneliness, the travel, the alcoholism, the drug use, the whores, the scumbag
club owners who fuck you on the money, learning how to do stand-up, standing
there getting heckled, the humiliation.
Jesus Christ, it's a fucking laundry list.
But at the end of it, if you make it through, your reward is you get a
microphone, and you get to yell at people for an hour.
And get paid for it.
Yeah, and they cheer you on.
Yeah!
I feel that way, too.
If I did what I did on stage anywhere else, people would be telling me to shut
the fuck up.
They really would.
Jesus, enough already.
Can I talk now, you know?
All right, underrated.
Joe DeRosa.
Hey!
Joey Roses!
Joey Roses!
Joey Roses, the Teen Idol sensation from the Opie and Anthony program.
I first met him after I bought your Let It Go DVD.
When somebody told me about the uninformed shows you guys did for XM, I checked
it out, and not long after it, I ended up buying Joe's CD as well.
Great to see his career progressing, and I hope he gets bigger and bigger
because he deserves it.
When you guys get into a real heated debate with one another, it's fucking
hilarious.
I was wondering if you guys plan on doing any more uninformed podcast shows.
We're definitely going to do it at some point when the technology is there,
where we can Skype and, I don't know, somehow be in the same studio without
having to have our own fucking studio.
We're going to try and figure it out.
The problem is I've gotten really busy, Joe's gotten really busy, and we live 3,000
miles away from each other.
So, yes, at some point we will do the uninformed show.
Remember that?
The uninformed show.
I do.
No reading, no research, just strong opinions.
Yeah.
What a great hook.
And you guys did that.
Who came up with that?
You did.
I did.
Yes, you did.
All right.
Underrated.
Chicks with big noses.
Usually better orally.
Wow.
Really?
As they can go to the base with less air.
Wait, wait, wait.
If your nose is bigger, you can deep throat because – but I thought if your
nose was bigger, it would get in the way.
So how is it –
Get in the way of what?
Unless she's doing a 69 and she would smother herself in your ball bag.
I – okay.
I like how you just mimed that, trying to figure that out.
I did.
I used the microphone to try to see how that would work.
People think you're a lady.
All right.
Almost like the – okay.
Almost like the nose is a camel's hump holding reserves.
That's hilarious how the guy thinks the nose is holding the air.
It's the lungs.
You can take it – it's more – I would compare it like putting a blower onto
a fucking muscle car, right?
I think that that's what – I think that that should have been the reference.
Anyways, that's why your balls are in a sack.
You can move them to one side so they don't get pecked to death.
How funny are my listeners?
I'll have to take their word for it.
Everybody was fucking hilarious this week.
That's funny.
And that lady, an email from abroad.
Look at her.
Other women out there.
She fucking totally – because I didn't read this beforehand.
She fucking totally punched me in the chest that I had to sit there and take it.
More women should write in.
Yes, you should.
All right, get out of the kitchen and start making emails.
Making emails.
Start writing emails.
That really killed the momentum of that.