Name: Bill Burr - Whores and Topless Day
Uploaded: 2011-08-24T17:14:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Whores and Topless Day' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Whores and Topless Day' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-08-24. Transcript available.

Like, just think of the women who have influenced female style in the last
fucking 25 years.
I'm really going to sound like an old guy, but I just think that they dress
like absolute trash.
They're fucking trash.
The Kardashians?
That's your pinnacle of fashion sense?
Huh?
Those squirreled-eyed whores?
Huh?
What's they look like to me?
Like, if I ever wanted to fuck a gopher.
If I was ever turned on by a rodent.
And who came before them?
Who was before them?
Paris Hilton.
Paris fucking Hilton.
Just fucking head-to-toe jizzed on.
By the time she was fucking 19, she was just used up.
Now, how do you think she got that way?
Everybody thinks because of what?
Because of what?
She was some rich guy's fucking kid?
That's how she ended up that way?
No!
Who was before her?
Madonna.
Laying on the stage, fucking spreading her goddamn legs.
Just trash.
She's trash.
That's all it's been.
It's been fucking trash for 30 fucking years.
And you go back, you watch, you watch all those old movies.
Those fucking women, they're beautiful, but they got class.
And you know what?
They were probably sucking as much dick as the girls do today, but they didn't
wear it on their sleeve.
Fucking tattooed goddamn whores.
They would just fucking bring their asses down just a little bit more.
You know?
Skirts a little bit longer.
Leave something to the imagination.
You don't think so?
All you guys are, I wish they walked around naked.
You never had that moment in a titty bar?
When you walk in, you just, at some point, it's just not even exciting anymore?
You're actually talking to a completely naked woman, asking her where the
bathroom is?
You know?
There's no excitement anymore.
You're used to it.
You're fucking used to it.
Speaking of which, speaking of which, what's the deal?
They had a protest here in New York City.
It was, evidently, yesterday was Go Topless Day.
It said protesters went over the top for the right to bear breasts.
Almost three dozen activists strutted through Columbus Circle yesterday on
National Go Topless Day.
Similar demonstrations were held across the country demanding that lawmakers
trash codes against female toplessness.
I don't know why they want to fucking do that, but, you know, more power to
them.
I guess the good-looking ones.
That's how I would ease into that law.
You've got to demonstrate that your titties should be shown.
The same way when you see a guy walking around with man tits, and you're like,
Put a shirt on!
Right?
I think that, I think you should earn being topless.
How about that?
You know, I sound like a dictator, but if I was one, that's how I would run my
country.
You've got to earn it.
All right?
If you're a guy, you've got to be jacked.
And if you're a woman, your tits have to still be excited about life.
They can't be those beaten-down tits staring at your toes.
You know?
You know what's interesting is in a lot of third-world countries, women walking
around with their titties hanging out is no big deal.
It's not a, they don't give a shit.
So I was just wondering, as men here in the States, and are we turned on by
titties just because we've, I think that's what it is.
You know what?
That's exactly what the fuck it is.
Because those old-school chicks, the Mary Tyler Moores with their goddamn
skirts below their knee.
Do you know, if every girl was walking around with skirts below their knee your
whole fucking life,
and then one day, some girl comes walking by, and her, you know, just her skirt
is above her knee,
I swear to God, you're gonna get a semi.
You're like, holy shit.
I can see her knees.
You know, women, don't do that with titties.
You know, can we still be excited to see your fucking titties?
Isn't it enough?
Don't you get enough in this country?
You know, you get to run your fucking yaps all goddamn day long,
be as rude and as inconsiderate as humanly fucking possible,
and no one can slap you in the face.
We can't do it anymore.
You know?
So there you are, yap, yap, yap, yap, yapping.
Right?
You get divorced, you get to take a guy for all he's fucking worth,
and they'd be, I'm just a girl.
I can't work.
Work for me.
I'm used to a certain lifestyle.
Isn't that enough?
Now you're gonna, you know, you've joined all our fucking men's clubs.
We can't even get away from you.
And one of the few pleasures we have left in life
is the excitement of seeing a pair of tits,
talking our way into seeing a pair of fucking tits, right?
A couple of blue moons and a, you know, a Belvedere or some shit.
You get her to do it,
and now you're gonna take that away
by just walking around with your goddamn titties hanging out.
What would Audrey Hepburn say?
What the fuck would she say?
Is that the right one?
That breakfast at Tiffany's chick?
I use that fucking expression, that reference,
and I've never seen that movie.
I've just seen pictures of it,
and I think that that girl is, she's a class act.
Unlike all you filthy whores nowadays,
with your hoary little Kardashian shoes,
with the fucking Paris Hilton jizz-on-my-face straps,
and the Madonna hoary fishnets.
You know?
I know a lot of you guys,
because Madonna is like 63 at this point,
has been living in England for 20 years,
you actually think that she's some highfalutin.
She's the daughter of a trucker from Michigan.
Don't ever forget that, all right?
And she's not fooling me with her goddamn accent.
Jesus, why am I trashing Madonna so fucking bad?
Um...