Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Whore Fiancée
Uploaded: 2011-09-12T11:54:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Whore Fiancée' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Whore Fiancée' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-09-12. Transcript available.

Dearest Billiam, my college roommate has been dating his fiancée for two years.
He's a really nice guy, so he tends to get walked all over.
Jesus Christ. I have to read that again because there's so much...
That right there is something that every guy needs to hear.
He's a really nice guy, so he tends to get walked all over.
I'm not saying you have to be a dick, alright?
But you've got to stick up for yourself.
Okay, here we go.
Even before they got engaged, I had heard rumors about his girlfriend being a
bit of a hoo-ah.
As his friend and her pretend friend, I attempt to give her the benefit of the
doubt and ignore the accusations,
as did my roommate, who had also heard the rumors.
Unless she was drunk and got out of control and belittling him, we didn't mind
her too much,
aside for her trying too hard to be one of the guys.
Okay.
Recently...
Okay, now this one I'm fucking up reading because he's naming all names.
Ebenezer called to me and said that Tabitha had kissed a guy at a bar.
Okay, recently the fucking potential groom called up to say that his fiancée,
Hua, had kissed a guy at a bar
and that they were postponing their wedding and starting fresh.
I was surprised to hear that he wasn't dumping this bitch, but whatever, not my
choice.
At least he knew about it.
So after starting fresh for what seemed to be the fifth time, it appeared that
they were working it out.
Of course, this is when things go completely off the rails with one phone call.
A friend, another friend, who knew nothing about the cheating kiss that
happened a few weeks ago
tells me that a friend of his from college was told by his whore fiancée
that she would break off the engagement if he gave her a chance just fucking
yesterday.
What?
Well, why can't she just open up her mouth and break it off?
Anyways, the source seems reliable, but it's still just hearsay.
All of his friends now know, but somehow the potential groom doesn't.
There is no easy way to bring this up to him, so I'm up to hear any advice.
Thanks for the podcast and the podcast select.
Hope you see you perform again soon.
Oh, fuck.
All right, you got to make a call here.
You got to decide whether or not you're prepared to put your friendship on the
table.
Why don't you want to tell him this shit?
Basically, because you're worried that he's not going to believe you.
He's going to flip the fuck out.
And then he's going to go ahead and marry this whore anyways.
And the two of you aren't going to be friends.
I got to tell you this, dude.
It's going to make you sick to your fucking stomach to watch this guy go
through this shit.
Let's say you keep your mouth shut and you stay friends with him.
Then you're going to sit there and you're going to watch this girl fuck around
on him.
You know?
I don't know why guys choose to do this.
Women don't.
If women see a dude fucking around, they go right to their girlfriend.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
He fucking, I saw him, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they hug and they say, I'm sorry.
I'll be there for you.
You can do better.
And they try and fucking, for some reason, guys, we can't do that.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know if it's an ego thing.
You can't handle that your girl's been fucking around.
But, dude, you got to tell this guy.
You got to tell this guy, fuck this girl.
Don't let another fucking whore go out there and take some guy for all he's
worth.
Because this bitch is going to get knocked up.
And this guy is going to be into her for 18 fucking years financially.
Okay?
And just like that other guy said, where is the goddamn justice?
All right?
What you need, sir, is a clear conscience.
You have to say something.
All right?
And just tell him.
Just tell him.
Say, look, you're going to hate me for telling you this.
But as a friend, I have to tell you this.
I can't sit back and hold on to this information.
I got to tell you.
And I support whatever decision you want to make.
And all you got to do is just tell him the facts without calling his fiance a
whore.
Don't say that.
Just say what you know.
And then that's it.
And tell him, dude, I really think you need to dump this girl.
You can do way better.
And that's it.
If he gets fucking mad at you, he gets mad at you.
And if he cuts you out, he cuts you out.
But you will not have, you won't have a guilty conscience.
It won't be weighing on you.
I'm telling you.
And I don't know.
Some other people say, you know, mind your own fucking business when it comes
to this stuff.
I don't.
You get in there and tell him.
If one of your buddies is going to marry a whore, you got to tell him.
You got to tell him.
I saw that happen to a guy I know.
I saw it.
Saw it fucking happen.
It was fucking disgusting.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
And I was younger.
And I didn't fucking say anything.
And then the whole fucking thing unraveled about 15 years later.
It was just awful.
Fucking wasted a decade and a half of his goddamn life.
Looking back, should have said something.
But did not.
Did not.
So, I'm telling you to do what I didn't do.
So, if you don't, I can't judge you because I didn't do it either.
Oh, Jesus.