Name: Bill Burr - Oakland Raiders Fans
Uploaded: 2011-10-04T18:46:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Oakland Raiders Fans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Oakland Raiders Fans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-10-04. Transcript available.

What the fuck is, I, I, I, you know, don't even get me started with that shit.
Those people who dress up for games, you know, like those stupid fucking Raider
fans.
What are they doing?
Do they understand how it went from one of the scariest places you could ever
play
to now looking, it looks like a musical, looks like a Broadway musical.
Like I look at that and all I, I don't think intimidating.
I think Phantom of the Opera.
I really wish I knew some of that music.
I'm sure a lot of the people in the black hole and they stand up for the whole
game.
Do they?
Hey, look, it's Darth Vader.
Gee, I don't know if I can catch this football now.
Raider Nation, you guys have the best fucking uniforms in all of football.
You have the best logo.
You have the baddest fucking tradition.
And I don't know what you guys did to it.
You need to get those sci-fi road warrior wannabes out of your stadium.
And you got to go back to looking like the fucking Hell's Angels like you used
to be.
You know?
Look, I'm not going to lie to you.
I was actually going to go to the Patriots game up there with a buddy of mine.
And he's like, dude, we're not wearing any Patriots shit.
I go, fuck, fuck no.
This is the West Coast.
This shit isn't fun out here.
People get stabbed.
They get shot.
You lose an eye.
They're out of their fucking minds.
All right?
But I can tell you right now, Boba Fett is not doing that shit.
Okay?
Or the guy with his fucking shoulder pads and his fake spikes coming out of it.
Oh, with your bandanas and your face makeup.
You know what I love about those guys is I just want to see them, you know,
when they're their alter ego.
You know?
Like when they're in Burt Ward mode.
And they're just waddling down the street going to work.
You know?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I think you guys need to go back to looking like fucking Ken Stabler and
Jack Tatum.
You know?
You really should go back to that.
And you know something?
I'm actually being – I'm not being fair to Oakland Raider fans right now
because I've been to a game up there and most of them look that way.
And I actually talked to a couple of them and they fucking can't stand those
guys who dress up like they're in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
And typical TV?
Typical TV, who do they put on?
Do they put on the real Raider fan who's just sitting there maybe with a Raider
t-shirt?
Or just dressing with a black t-shirt and looks like he'd slice your throat?
You know?
Like a normal upstanding Raider fan looks like?
No.
Who do they put on?
Huh?
They put on the guy dressed like the chef on the Muppet Show.
With a fake scar painted on his –
Dude, at one point they had some guy –
I was watching the game and this douchebag is just sitting there with his face
painted.
And he's like, Raiders, Raiders, nice shit, we're going to fuck.
It's like, what happened to you?
You know what happened is balls dried up.
There's a point – like they don't really talk about this in health class in
high school.
You get to a point where you're such a douchebag and it's been so long since
you actually laid down with a woman that your balls turn into sawdust.
And the estrogen levels go up and the next thing you know, you go out and you
buy a little vanity and you're like, I just don't want to go to a football game.
I want to go there in character.
Five, six, seven, eight, Chenille.
Oh, God help me the next time I go up to the Bay Area.
So anyway, so we were going to go to the game and they – and right off the
bat I'm like, dude, I'm not wearing any Pat's shit.
And the dude's like, yeah, absolutely not.
Why would you do that to yourself?
You know, why would you do – especially out on the West Coast where you get
shot, stabbed or you lose your fucking eye.
So we came up with this great plan.
I ended up not going up there, but I want to pass this on to my listeners here.
This is a great thing that you can do, especially when you know your team's
going to win.
You go there dressed in the other team's colors and then you act upset when
your team is kicking the shit out of them.
That's what I was going to do.
I wasn't going to wear a Raiders thing.
I was going to go there in a black thermal.
And as Tom Brady was marching up and down the field and everybody around me was
going, oh, what the fuck?
I'd be like, yeah, come on.
Watch, they're probably going to score again.
Oh, great.
Just what we needed.
You know what's funny?
Nobody would have noticed.
No one would ever stop and go, wait a minute.
This guy looks like a fucking leprechaun.
We don't have any redheads in fucking Oakland.
This guy's a double agent.
They never would have been able to figure it out.
You know why?
Because they would have had too much makeup in their eyes.