Name: Bill Burr - Sperm Banks Refusing Redhead Men
Uploaded: 2011-10-04T18:51:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sperm Banks Refusing Redhead Men' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Sperm Banks Refusing Redhead Men' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-10-04. Transcript available.

about here oh by the way i want to thank the 43 000 people who sent me that
story about how the
world's largest sperm bank has been turning away the jizz of redheads okay uh
bank uh biggest sperm
world's biggest sperm bank tells redheads we don't need your semen
you know how fucking degrading that is you're showing up to jerk off into a dixie
cup and they
turn you away like nah that's all right that's that's like telling a stripper
to put a clothes
back on it's fucking horrific you know but for some reason like people think
that that affects my
life it doesn't all right they turn away a lot of fucking people okay if you
got different shit in
your family they turn you away and not to mention i gotta tell you as a guy
that story has no effect
on you okay as far as your jizz i guess yeah i can't sell my jizz to a sperm
bank i mean how what
sort of financial fucking crisis am i going to be in where i'm going down to a
duane reed stealing lube
and then limping into a sperm bank to fucking shoot something into a goddamn
graduated cylinder
you know really i can't fucking do that you think i give a fuck let me tell you
something this is what
i've learned this is what i learned in life okay if you're making money the
ladies want your
fucking jizz i don't give a fuck what you look like you could be a one-eyed
bald midget troll they
want it in them all right trust me so any redhead who took that in a bad
fucking way just go out and
make something yourself i'm telling you you'll get a fucking 10 and you'll dump
a fucking nice
unwanted spooge right in her that was disgusting yet pro redhead how do you
like that everybody
pro fucking redhead um
i just loved i just love how many people sent me
that story like i swear to god i said 40 000 but it had to at least be 100 and
that's one of the things
that i i love about the internet and i hate it at the same time because the
internet i swear to god allows
those adults to act the same way you acted when you were in like kindergarten
or first grade
on the playground where you were just completely uninhibited and you were mean
remember that
shit you just walk up to somebody be like i don't like your face right you
could just be that and
then when you get older you still think that you start you're sitting there in
the boardroom
going look at this guy with his fucking face his stupid fucking tie right you
think childish
shit but because you're older and mature you don't say it you know because you
know you got debt you
don't want to get fired oh he's doing a great job they told the boss uh he didn't
like his face
that'd be hilarious why did you get fired from your last job you know and you
have to tell him some
childish shit like that well the great thing is about the internet is it allows
you to tap back into
that part of you you know and and and actually and then debunk the fucking myth
that when you become
an adult you still don't think those thoughts that you did when you were in
first grade because you're
now you're older and mature you still think them you just program not to
fucking say them so uh i don't
know at first i was like what the fuck and then by the time i the 11th person
sent it to me and then
actually this this story broke like like two weeks ago and like two weeks in as
people are still sending
me this story that's what made me find the internet fucking hilarious the fact
that somebody's going to
listen to this podcast and then send it to me on twitter after it that's like
that that's literally
that i don't like your face na na na na na shit that's just it's fucking
childish and
99.9 it's just fucking hilarious
can i even explain i think that's why
well maybe it's because guys are childish why i think guys are so funny is
because we
have the fucking maturity level i don't give a fuck what we're doing in our
lives how much
responsibility we have how much money we're making how good a husband or a
father or anything like
that we are um we're still immature as hell unless you're just a fucking boring
douche anyways the
fuck do i know huh what do i know the world doesn't want my sperm why would you
listen to me
oh this just in the world says fuck you bill fuck you and your red nuts we don't
want them
oh my god how much of an egomaniac am i that that doesn't even bug me then i
actually find it funny
the world just said no to me and i still feel good about myself what kind of a
man has an ego to that
level i'll tell you the kind of man who has the balls to do a podcast by
himself who actually thinks
he's fucking interesting for an hour oh gee yeah you know what i think i was a
little too mean on the
fatties i did i did what everybody does i judge fatties the way the world
judged my sperm
you know see people this is why this is why my podcast is so mean this is why i
don't give a
shit about other people's feelings this is why i say cry me a fucking river i
don't give a the world
just said no to my jizz the fucking world there's people out there okay they're
shitting on the side
of the road after they fucking you know skip out of a bamboo hut okay i come up
with my jizz
i'm all sad i'm gonna wait for something better
there's people in Colombia venezuela who are those people that uh what's his
face
help helped out escobar they were living at the dump they were living in a junkyard
he went out and
built them a small city uh those people also said no to my jizz
this just in the world says no so i i just don't i don't have any fucking uh
i just don't have any sympathy yet i do i understand people don't want to be
fat
fucks you know the same way you understand that you'd like the world to welcome
your jizz
as opposed to saying no to it