Name: Bill Burr & Nia - Overrated: Relationships
Uploaded: 2011-11-17T02:57:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Overrated: Relationships' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-11-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr & Nia - Overrated: Relationships' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2011-11-17. Transcript available.

Alright, overrated. Relationships. Do I really want to read this one with you
who's here?
Can you come near the microphone and be a friggin' professional in this unprofessional
show?
I know, you're just sitting down here with no furniture.
Why are you wearing moccasins?
They're my slippers.
They're moccasins.
Yeah, moccasin slippers.
Hiya, hiya, hiya. You got a little Indian blood in you, don't you?
I don't really.
Yes, you do.
I have like one 16th.
What are you, got black feet in you? You get it?
Nothing? I get nothing on that?
That was stupid.
You know what?
What?
Ah, go fuck yourself. Here we go.
Relationships. So, sure they can be good, but are they ever great?
Every married guy I know reminisces about his days as a single man.
Married guys warn single guys not to get into relationships.
They warn guys with girlfriends to never, under any circumstances, get married.
This is all true.
When you're single, you can do whatever the fuck you want.
Whatever you want without first...
Wait a minute.
Let me get this closer.
Without first filtering your decisions through the desires of a chick
who probably doesn't even know what she wants most of the time
and is motivated by the worldview of sex in the city.
Wow, this person sounds like a real prize.
Yeah, but this is true, though.
This isn't all women.
A lot of women are fucking idiots, just like guys.
Wouldn't you say most guys are fucking idiots?
I would, actually.
And aren't most women...
Aren't most people fucking idiots?
Listen, we're all rapable.
But when we're talking...
All I know is that no one is unrapable.
All right, let's continue.
Okay, and I am as exotic as a grilled cheese sandwich.
I think that might be an instant classic.
There wasn't even tomato in that sandwich, was there?
Even when the chicks get what they think they want, they're usually still
miserable.
That's how stupid most of them are.
All right, now you're in.
Now he's in my school.
He's in my quad.
I like this guy.
You're never going to make them happy, so why even try?
Not being constrained by a relationship is one of the greatest things of all
time.
It's a man's world.
Women need men more than men need women.
Most men can thrive alone.
Most women can't.
He's young.
You can tell he's young.
He hasn't...
Women are still looking at him.
He's a fucking idiot is what he is.
No, he isn't.
He's learning.
I was this guy.
Then you realize at some point you're old and women don't care anymore, so you
got to
grab one and just hang on to him and drag him down with you.
Most women can't.
Ask any honest bisexual girl and she'll like you, tell you that she wants to
end up with
a man.
Jesus, this guy just keeps...
Every time I think he's gone as far as he's going to go, he keeps going.
I love him.
Enjoy being single.
Unless you're a total fucking failure of a man, you'll almost always be able to
get
a girlfriend if you really want one.
Realize...
Yeah, if you're past a certain age, dude, there's a certain amount of money you
have to be making
for that to continue to happen.
And there's a fucking sadness to that life that I can't even begin to describe.
Realize what a blessing your freedom is and never allow desperation to put you
in chains.
He's making some good points there.
He definitely has some issues with women.
Some issues with women?
But there's a lot of truth in that, Nia.
Enjoy dying alone, asshole.
Hey, hey, hey.
Well...
Listen, well, basically what you just said was that you're a dumb girl.
Why?
Because that's what he was attacking.
What do you mean?
So why am I dumb?
Is your world...
Oh, we were almost out without an argument.
But why am I dumb?
Because he's attacking women whose worldview comes from Sex and the City.
Okay.
So somehow you got offended by that.
First of all, he's not just attacking women whose worldview is Sex and the City.
Oh, I think he is.
He's attacking all women.
Look at...
Read what he said in there.
Oh, I know.
He was just being...
He didn't say some women.
He said all of them.
He was just being silly.
He was just being silly.
No, no.
Ah, you're right.
So, fuck that shit.
Fuck it.
Look, you know...
Fuck you.
No, his mother never hugged him.
He's got issues.
He's just...
Well, that's not our fault.
Don't drag me into this.
I relate to this guy.
I'm saying our as women.
I'm speaking as women.
Well, why don't you just speak for yourself, you fucking delusional jackass?
Who elected you?
You did.
I'm sitting here, aren't I?
Well, you know, I didn't say to represent all women's.
I'm not representing all women's, but I think I can say with...
Underwears.
...the clarity that most smart women who see this would be like,
Oh, fuck yourself, you douche.
All right.
Well, I'll...
Also, can I just make a comment about the whole married versus unmarried thing?
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Single people who are alone look at couples and they get a little twinge of
like,
Oh, that's nice.
I wish I had somebody to come home to at night that has my back no matter what.
That's what you're missing, you short-sighted moron,
is that you've got somebody who's there with you, who's going to take care of
you,
who's going to love you and protect you and have your back.
It's not just about like being with someone just to be with someone.
We got it.
Listen.
Why can't I respond to this person in the way that I want to?
Because you're being mean.
This podcast...
I'm being mean?
This podcast...
This email is ridiculous.
This guy's crying out for help.
Ugh.
Whatever.
Fine.
Go on.
This podcast is not about being mean and taking shots at people who can't
defend themselves.
I thought that's exactly what it was.
Took you long enough to figure that out.
All right.
No, but there's a great truth in what he's saying here is that a lot of people
just jump
in a relationship, jump in a relationship, jump in a relationship, and it's
like relationships
are fucking difficult.
Yes.
Okay?
So you better pick the right person or you're going to be fucking miserable.
So you are better off to be single and lonely rather than just being in some
shit to just
be in some shit so you got somebody to fucking make brownies with.
That's what he was trying to say.
Yeah.
All right?
That's true, but he didn't say that.
He ended up saying that most chicks are going to be miserable anyway and they
all have this
stupid world view.
That's true.
Most women are going to be miserable and they're never going to be fucking
happy.
Okay?
And what are you basing this on?
You know something?
You guys always say a good man is hard to find.
That works both fucking ways.
I understand that.
I agree.
Well, this motherfucker hasn't found the one yet.
So he's going, he's going, he's dating a bunch of...
So he's lashing out at everybody because he can't seem to figure out how to
make
a relationship work.
And he can't find the value in the relationship.
So automatically it's not valuable.
First of all, the only person lashing out is you right now.
Well, I'm annoyed at this.
You've completely lost your temper.
There's a guy here.
He writes in.
He's looking for a little bit of goddamn guidance.
No.
He wants some advice.
He's looking for your approval.
That's what he does.
He got it.
He's fucking hilarious.
He's fucking hilarious.