Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Ex On Facebook
Uploaded: 2012-01-10T05:47:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Ex On Facebook' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-01-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Girlfriend's Ex On Facebook' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-01-10. Transcript available.

Girlfriend and her ex on Facebook
Dump her
Dump her
Dump this bitch
Fuck her, that's not the mother of your kids
Dump her
I don't have to go any further than that
Girlfriend and her exes on Facebook
Yeah, it's over, dude
What are you, fucking 17?
How do you not know you can't trust that girl?
That's like, you know
My partner in crime and all his cop friends
You know?
You know how this is going to end
Do I really have to read this?
Ah, what the fuck
I still got some more minutes to eat up
I'll read it
I don't need to, but I will
Bill, I've been going out with this girl for about a year
We are in love
We're best friends for about eight months
Before we started dating
We get along great
We have a shitload in common
The sun always shines
We never burn our bacon
Blah, blah, blah, blah
Anyway, she gets along with most of her ex-boyfriend
And still keeps in touch with them
With Facebooks and texting sometimes
She swears she is never the one
That calls her texts first
If that's not the worst fucking excuse
I didn't jump on his dick
He stuck it in me
Anyways, this past week
She asked me if it was okay
If we can all hang out
When her ex comes to visit
He lives in D.C.
And comes to visit a few times a year
Their entire relationship was long distance
Dated for about six months
They went to school together and knew each other
She had a crush on him in school
Yeah, he's coming to town to fuck your girlfriend
That's what he's doing
Alright?
That sounds like the beginning of a Christmas song
I just switched up the lyrics
So you better be good
Cause he's coming to town
And he's gonna fuck your girl
Down the chimney
Um
Where the fuck am I?
Um
He said
That he'd like to meet
He said that he'd like to meet me
For what?
Who is this douchebag?
What the fuck does he want to meet you for?
So he can look you in the eye
The day after he bangs your girl
And watches you try and figure it out?
Anyways, he goes
Now I appreciate that
That she even told me about this
But why would I want to meet the guy
That was banging my girlfriend
Months before me?
Exactly
Why is he important?
Exactly
Exactly
You're asking the right questions
It's not like he is her baby's daddy
She said that it wasn't in
In my place to decide
What do you think?
I think she's absolutely right
It's not
It's not your place to decide
Whether or not she sees her ex-boyfriends
She can go decide to do that
The same way you can decide
To go get a woman
That you can fucking trust
Fuck her, sir
Figuratively and literally
In the ass
Get away from her
This is a fucking ticking time bomb
Where the fuck does she get off
Telling you that it's not
Oh, it's not your decision to decide
You know what?
Go see him
Dude, you know what?
You're a loyal guy
You love this girl
You're sticking by her
You just gave your feelings
To the wrong person
She doesn't fucking deserve you
Fuck her
With all her fucking ex-boyfriends
Let her go back there
Let her go get that long-distant cock
Get in all day, sweetheart
It's all you
All right?
Walk away
She did you a favor, dude
You could have got married
And had kids with this cunt
All right?
It's over, dude
And you know what?
You even know the answer
You're asking all the right questions
Why do you want to meet the guy
Who was banging before?
Why is he important?
He isn't important
She still has feelings
She can't commit to you
She's trying to keep these guys
Fuck that
Fuck her
That's it
All right?
Did I make myself clear enough?
It's over
Wait, he said background info
On this girl
I like this
He's actually fleshing this person out
She has a daughter
That I also love
The baby daddy is barely in the picture
I met him once
So no drama there
The reason I bring up the daddy
Is because he is important
The father of her daughter
I understand why
I would have to meet him
But who is this ex to her?
Yeah, exactly
Exactly
Come on, man
You know
Why don't you go get yourself another girl
Who, you know, doesn't have as many miles
You know
This girl, yeah, yeah
You don't need that
You don't need that