Name: Bill Burr - The Grammy Awards 2012
Uploaded: 2012-02-14T17:22:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Grammy Awards 2012' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-02-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Grammy Awards 2012' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-02-14. Transcript available.

all right what are we going to talk about this week did you guys watch the
grammys last night
you know i watched a little bit of that shit bruce springsteen came out once
again
and uh sang that song that sounded like all his other songs like every other
song
and i'm driving down that fucking highway and i even though i'm a loser i'm
still gonna make it
because i got my girl and five bucks for gas eating slices and throwing rocks
at dirty fucking
seagulls you know i got it jesus christ
unbelievable that he made people care that much about new jersey is right there
just shows you the
level of the caliber of artists that he is that he could really make people
care that much
um who else i saw bruno mars i think that guy's the shit um oh my god you like
him what are you a
fag fuck you i can give it up for somebody you know going out there in his elvis
gold lamaze 50 000
elvis fans can't be wrong it was great i thought he put on a hell of a fucking
show i actually watched
it and i was like you know what if he did that for an hour i would pay to go
see him i thought he had a
great show and everybody was all sad about whitney houston right whitney houston
passed away it's
fucking brutal man everybody dying you know and i was really sad that she died
until that fucking
girl came out from the fucking i'm not fat anymore commercials and she sang
that song that made me want
to kill myself i like whitney houston god rest her soul but i didn't ever need
to hear that fucking
how many fucking i got it you can sing how about leaving letting lee fucking
you know showbiz rule number one leave him wanting more don't keep singing to
where they're like all
right although she wasn't the worst at that like some of those fucking divas
where they just go out there
those wailing horse where they just fucking hit every goddamn note at least
they stopped doing that
stupid point thing where they were pointing where i'm going down and i'm going
up yeah we can hear you
we know what you're doing do you do that when you ride a roller coaster
fucking pointing at everything you fucking moron christina aguilera is one of
the worst uh just like
you know she never sang a song she sang a song like she was auditioning for a
band
just sing the fucking song all right and get the goddamn mud off your ass
cheeks that's not sexy
you want to get dirty no i want you to take a fucking shower once you go up
there wash off that clam and sing
and sing the goddamn song the way it's supposed to go all right
and uh chris brown made me feel old
i was just sitting there like you know that isn't music you call that dancing
is that really dancing is that what he was doing
you know he looked like someone who like uh who got healed
you know was like a paraplegic and somebody just touched his forehead and now
he was trying out his legs for the first time in like 20 years
you know that awful fucking auto-tune shit where you're just so obviously uh
you know lip-syncing and i was rooting for that guy i was excited he won a grammy
you know
when's the last time somebody slapped the shit out of a woman everybody knew
about it
and within three four years you won the little shiny thing
that doesn't happen often i'm trying to think
who's the last guy
i don't know that was that was kind of a first
but i i don't know i didn't i didn't like his uh i didn't like that music
and i didn't appreciate that dancing and i was i was annoying the shit out of nia
as i was watching it
you know
just being the crabby old man
ah that's terrible
pull up your pants
um
did i watch any further after that
i think that was it
i think i can only watch so much of a uh an award show
i thought the the civil war
the civil wars or whatever
when they came out
i thought that they were gonna bomb
and uh they fucking killed it
you know
so i'd like to download some of that music
i listened to some of it like you know a little one minute clip
but it sounded like all that real folky
kind of shit that i don't like
but the song that they sang was badass
and i thought the guy on the guitar was killing it
um
i don't know
what'd you guys think about the beach boy melody
i thought that melody
whatever the fuck you call it
medley
i thought they did a great job
somebody was trashing that guy in maroon 5
saying that what he did was uh
the fuck did they say
they said it was um
awkward
at best
and
what did they say
cringeworthy
at worst
nothing cringeworthy about it
they were doing a tribute
to the fucking beach boys
what about when that guy came out
the one guy in the beach boys
who has the uh
i'm bald now
baseball hat on
and he just kept pointing to people in the crowd
i found him to be a little weird
and uh
i don't know
i think brian wilson
i've always
i know i've said this before
on the podcast
i think he went crazy
just listening to his own music
that shit would just
you know
it's like
these amazing harmonies
yet
you feel yourself going insane
when you listen to them
all right
i'm picking up
good vibrations
ooh
bop bop
shut the
i mean it's
you know what you feel like
you feel like you're on this
never-ending
bus ride
to camp
when you're 14
and you don't want to go
yet you're in your 40s
listening to it
i've never understood
like
i never got the beach boys
i don't get it
all right
they got a couple of songs
that
it's just like
if you listen to it
it's this really happy
poppy shit
and then it's just really
dark
fucking lyrics
underneath it
and you combine the two of them
and i'm telling you
you're gonna go out of your
fucking mind
you know
the day i'm on stage
wearing my
i'm going bald
fucking baseball hat
and i'm pointing to people
after my jokes
and they're doing a tribute
to my jokes
somebody please
shoot a fucking dart
into my neck
and just go
bill
just you know
you gotta do something else
at this point
why don't you teach
a comedy class
why don't you do that
um
i'm really setting myself
up for failure here
because i don't think
i ever can retire
from this shit
i like it too much
you know
i don't know
you gotta be excited though
if you're in van halen
and you saw the beach boys
you know
you gotta be excited
like you just
when you get to a certain age
you gotta be like
good
there's somebody still
20 years older than me
you know
like if i was in van halen
i would show that clip
of the beach boys
before i came out
just to you know
spot yourself
another 10 years of youth
that's what i'm saying
although i've heard
that new album
is fucking
i almost said terrific
for the first time
i heard it's terrific
if you heard that new van halen
ah jesus
it's terrific