Name: Bill Burr - Really Gay Question
Uploaded: 2012-04-03T03:44:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Really Gay Question' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Really Gay Question' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-04-03. Transcript available.

All right, really gay question. Bill, I'm a gay guy and a fan who never has any
problem downloading your podcast.
Oh, Jesus Christ. I'd send you a free fucking DVD if you gave me your fucking
address.
The amount of you cunts who just can't... What's with the podcast? I can't
download it.
What is with you? It's not me. My website is fine. It's never crashed.
Anyways, he said, I mentioned that because in the comments every week, your
listeners seem to think there is some correlation between not being able to
download it and being a fag.
First, they're actually quoting one of my jokes, if you haven't seen the joke,
okay, if you think I have a bunch of homophobes.
I did this bit called, What Are You a Fag? And it had to do with, it was
actually anti-homophobia.
Although some gay people, the second they hear fag, they stand up and yell homophobe
and run out of the room.
I call that story Seattle.
Anyways, first, this email isn't meant at all to get you to censor or to be PC.
I like your stuff a lot.
Your point of view is hilariously balls out and usually different from the same
old comedy cliches.
But I'm curious, with all the hundreds of things you and your listeners
identify as gay, do you really still think most gay guys are the old
stereotypes on most sitcoms and in Leno's monologue jokes?
Oh, Jesus, you're going to talk down to me, sir?
Is that what it is?
Is that what you're going to do here?
Yeah, I think that.
I think you all go like, the food is here!
Don't you guys sing everything you see?
Really?
Really?
Of course I don't think that.
It's just funny.
And not to mention, when we say stuff is gay, it has nothing to do with
homosexuality.
Okay?
When you say, you know, you like this lamp?
No, it's fucking gay.
Why is it gay?
Look at it.
It's just, it's gay.
All right?
It just means it's lame.
You know what it is?
It just gives you that, you know, anything that gives you that feeling of, um,
it's not love.
I don't know what it is.
What?
I, you know, I don't even know what the word is.
What is that fucking word when you're just, you know, when you're just sitting
there, your girl, like you take a night off from work and you're sitting there
with your girl and she, you know, and she,
you know, you rent a video, whatever the fuck you do now, snap your fingers and
it appears on your TV.
I'm so fucking far behind.
I can't even use an iPad.
I don't know.
I don't know what your kids do nowadays.
Back in the door, you went to a day, you went to a fucking video store.
All right?
And pretended to want to watch a fucking romantic comedy when you really wanted
to walk through those saloon doors and look at the porno.
Right?
That fucking feeling when you come home and you're sitting there and you've
made some food and your girl gets all excited and is like, nice, you know.
It's just us, you know, just us, just enjoying each other.
Whatever that fucking feeling is, that's gay.
Okay?
But I don't know what to call that fucking feeling.
To me, that's gay.
All right?
And every once in a while, I'll look like a fucking chair or a lamp or someone
asks me to do something and I get that same feeling.
I'm like, that's fucking gay.
I don't want to do it.
It has nothing to do with gay people.
All right?
So don't get sensitive on me, sir.
I know you're not.
I know this person's not being a dick.
So anyways, he says, do you guys think we're all the gay guys in the old
stereotypes and sitcoms or in Leno's monologues?
Is it because the ladies make you watch Dopra and the view, the view hags who
just love having gay guy girlfriends because they love emasculating men any
frigging way they can?
Oh, I get this guy.
This guy's a bear.
He's one of those gay guys.
You know, the kind of guy you're hanging out with on the construction site.
Somebody picks on you, right?
And this guy comes to your rescue, fucking turns them all into a pretzel.
You know?
And you're like, Jesus Christ, that's a fucking guy's guy.
And then all of a sudden, he just sits down and there's just something about
the way he's crossing his legs.
You're like, what the fuck is with this dude?
All right?
And then one day, he just says, listen, I got something to tell you.
I see what you're saying.
I get it.
That's like me being a German-Irish guy.
And I'm like, we're not all Nazis and drunks.
But, you know, if you put on the History Channel or if you go out on St. Paddy's
Day, you know, you're defined by the worst of your group, unfortunately.
That's kind of how it works.
But, no, I obviously don't think people are like that.
I saw Will and Grace.
Didn't they have both ends of the spectrum?
Will was sort of like, you know, just a regular guy.
And then the other guy was just like, oh, my God.
Right?
Singing my lines.
No, I didn't.
I thought that that guy was actually good.
Right?
Why do I answer these fucking questions?
You know, all it does is just expose how fucking stupid I am.
So, anyways, he says, so do you still think after seeing the gay soldiers in
the news and the boring, normal gay marriage activists?
Dude, I don't think that.
Nobody thinks that.
I actually, some people think that.
No, I don't think that.
All right?
I'm just breaking balls there, twinkle toes.
Are the only gay guys, oh, I'm just going to keep reading the rest of this for
whatever fucking reason.
Are the only gay guys who have been out to you really just hairdressers and
interior decorators?
Sir, how many examples are you going to give me?
All right.
Okay, I'm done with that.
No, I don't think they're all like that.
All right?
So, this is what I'll tell you.
Yeah, I understand that some of you guys look like Mike Ditka and act like Mike
Ditka, yet, you know, don't like Mike Ditka for the same reasons I do.
I understand that, sir.
I think a lot more people do understand that.
You know, yeah, there's all kinds of stereotypes out there.
All right?
Look for the redheaded male, you know?
You think I don't want to be a fucking, you know, star in an action movie and
be the guy who knows every type of karate and kick the shit out of people and
shoot the gun?
Do you think they're ever going to give that role to a fucking freckled-faced,
pasty, redheaded jackass like me?
They're not.
All right?
Who am I going to be?
I'm going to be either the guy who needs to be rescued or the guy who's good
with computers.
All right?
We all got a fucking axe to grind, sir.
All right?
So maybe you were just checking in.
Maybe you were just making sure.
You know, I didn't even get his joke, a really gay question.
Like, I'm going to say that question was gay.
You see what he's doing?
He was, like, mocking me and showing his sense of humor at the same time.
You see that?
He was testing my intelligence while flirting.
I had a gay question last week.
I said, what do you call a group of gay men?
This gay guy says, evidently, they're called a giggle.
A group of gay men are called a giggle.
No, they're not.
There's no fucking way all gay guys call a group of gay men giggles.
You know who called it?
Douchebags who happen to be gay.
I'm sure that they say that.
A giggle.
Go fucking blow someone.
I swear to God, if I was ever to have the charisma of a mass murderer, that's
who I would kill douchebags.
All groups would be allowed to stay around.
But you would have to prove to me that you weren't a douchebag.
And if you were, then who would you make fun of?
Gay men age well because they don't have to deal with women.
That was another question I had from last week.
If you guys are wondering, this podcast sucks.
This podcast sucks.