Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Gettin' Over A Broad
Uploaded: 2012-04-16T13:43:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Gettin' Over A Broad' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Gettin' Over A Broad' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-04-16. Transcript available.

getting over abroad howdy bill go fuck yourself all right i broke up with my
girlfriend seven
months ago several months ago and i'm having trouble getting over her we broke
up because
i had to move for school i swore to myself i would stop contacting her because
i was becoming
psychotic and jealous and i did i'm still finding myself thinking about her all
the time all of the
girls in my new town are horrific monsters they aren't white trash ugly cunts
they are super
hot but brain dead and boring and way out of my league dude how is somebody
brain dead and boring
out of your league what because they're super hot just walk up to her what is
she gonna say all is
she gonna do is say no i'm not saying she's gonna say no every time you got it
listen listen let me
tell you something do you want a fucking beautiful girl do you want to marry a
fucking beautiful woman
beautiful smart woman isn't that what every guy wants to do well you're not
gonna do it if you're
too afraid to talk to him all right so why don't you practice on a brain dead
stupid one so someday when
that girl walks in and takes your breath away you're gonna have the fucking
balls over there to walk up
you know say something witty while you got your hand on a clam no don't do that
you don't do that
you know what i'm saying all right anyways my ex-girlfriend was smart hot funny
cool and was
really into me i tried getting over her by banging other chicks but it doesn't
work it just leaves them
broken-hearted and makes me feel worse well wait a minute how are they broken-hearted
after you just
banged them that means you bang them for a couple weeks and then tell them to
fuck off don't do that
you you should just be you know stick and move all right anyways he says i can't
seem to find
anyone that can measure up to my ex need more solutions all right well you know
when you break
up with somebody that you care about and they have all those good attributes it's
gonna be a while
before you meet another one all right so
you just got to go through it dude if you want if you if you don't want to get
back together with
the other girl you know then what you got to do is you get you got to learn to
be fucking single
again you got to remember what did i do before i met that last girl what did i
do oh well let's see
i had beers i fucking worked out i watched football or whatever the fuck you
did i went to one of the
i went to the hunger games i read that trilogy of books or whatever the fuck
that is you know
it hurts okay breaking up with somebody who's awesome but it's just not right
or whatever it hurts
so accept it all right platoon take the pain you know why don't you sit down
have a good cry
just fucking cry it out of you every day just wake up think about it let when
your bottom lip starts
quivering don't stop it just give into it that's what kills guys we don't cry
just fucking cry
just fucking cry put your face in your pillow and cry like a little fucking
girl
i shouldn't have said girl just fucking cry like a human being why do we deny
that emotion as men just
let it out all right then wake up you know once you're done crying go in the
bathroom put your face on
go get yourself a bowl of fruit loops
just you know after you're done yeah i'm gonna get through this you hype
yourself up
have a good day today go hit on some fucking hot brain dead boring fucking
broad
it's just as practice just as practice okay you're gonna find another one you
sound like you're still young
it's not like you're 50
even then at 50 i swear to god if you're making money you can probably still
get like a hot 34 year old
you know i wouldn't go any younger than that you know because you got to think
by the time you're 60
she's gonna be 44 she could still hang in there for that
you know and all you got to do is just keep fucking spinning around in the
bedroom for another five years
and then she's too old to give a fuck
and then you got her and she'll be patting patting your fucking rubbing your
forehead as you're laying there in your deathbed
you know telling you that you did did the right thing you go any younger than
that
they have options and they'll leave you
all right
so
get over broad that's what you got to do you got to cry it out of you and you
just got to accept that it's gonna hurt
and it takes time
okay
but uh you know
don't run back to the other one just because you're lonely
all right because then you're gonna have to fuck it you got to break up with
them again
you know it's like fucking iraq
we just did it right the first time wouldn't have to go back the second time
You know, it didn't make any sense.
All right.