Name: Bill Burr - Farmers Only
Uploaded: 2012-05-15T02:06:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Farmers Only' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Farmers Only' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-05-15. Transcript available.

Speaking of lonely, I was just watching television by myself, speaking to it as
if it was another live human being.
And I saw this commercial for this new website called FarmersOnly.com.
This is not a commercial, people. This is actually an observation.
It was basically showing a couple of ranchers, a couple of farm girls, and they
just walk in the fields by themselves.
You know, playing with their each finger, playing with each other.
You know, you do that when you were a little kid.
You do that little thing where you put your thumb and index finger together on
both hands,
and you kind of do the little, almost like there's an invisible tiny screw, you
know.
There's some poor woman walking through like these, a bunch of corn, you know,
and the cows are all concerned to the point they're actually speaking English
to one another, you know,
about each of them going, how the hell are they going to meet each other?
And then all of a sudden, this wailing whore comes over the top and just starts
singing,
you'll never be lonely at FarmersOnly.com.
So it's basically their Facebook.
And you should go and look at it on YouTube.
That's what you should do.
You shouldn't work, you know.
Where do you work?
What are you doing?
Is it your dream or somebody else's?
You're just a cog in the wheel, you know.
Are they really going to notice if you stop working?
If everybody else is working, why don't you just fucking, you know, tour de
France,
just sort of draft behind a couple people's today, you know.
Take a fucking Monday off.
So anyways, check out this video.
And you know what's the funniest thing about it is the comments underneath it.
It's the amount of people who shit on, you know, just immediately thinking how
dumb people are.
It's like these people grow our fucking food.
Do you understand that?
I'm sure they don't know where the rave is, you know, or who the most popular
bands are,
or how to get from fucking Brooklyn over to Staten Island.
No!
Right?
They know how to do that shit.
They know how to put on a fucking shiny shirt, right, and go jump on the subway
and go down to Wall Street
and make sure old people eat dog food for the rest of their fucking lives.
Yeah, they know how to do that.
You know what they know how to do?
They know how to make corn, right, or plant it so it grows.
They don't make it.
God makes it, and he makes that fertile fucking country.
You know, it's got to be really hard to catch herpes out there.
You know what I mean?
I mean, it must spread really fucking slowly.
Jesus Christ, I mean, you must fucking rub them at least two loads out by the
time you get to our house,
just sitting there driving and driving.
Fucking tornado, man.
You pull over, rub another one out, and by then you'll go,
I don't know what the fuck I'm going over there for anyways.
Shit, I got more teeth than her.
That's a deal breaker.
Look, now I'm making fun of them.
Farmer's only dot com.
That's going to be embarrassing.
You and your fucking neighbor are going to join.
You'll be the only ones on the site.
Hey, I thought you wanted to fuck me.
I just was too long of a walk.
You know what I'm saying?
Plus, it's tornado season.
You never know what's going to happen.
I like how they're called the flyover states.
Yeah, no reason to go there.
Yeah, no reason to check in on the food supply.
Like you're going to.
That'd be a good thing to fucking freak them out with.
Just show up with like a clipboard.
What the fuck are you doing, city boy?
Well, they actually, you know something?
They make themselves kind of separatists
because at the end of it, is that even a word?
They actually say this.
City folks don't understand.
What don't we understand?
Loneliness?
Is that what it is?
Come to New York and be alone with everybody?
You never heard that?
You fucking.
You know what?
Fuck them.
Goddamn farmers.
Jesus Christ.
What, you don't have your cousin's phone number?
Is that what you're sick of fucking your sister?
So now you got to get your own Facebook
and see the jokes are just too easy here, people.
You know?
Sick of fucking a pig.