Name: Bill Burr- Overrated Underrated 05-21-12
Uploaded: 2012-05-22T00:08:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr- Overrated Underrated 05-21-12' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr- Overrated Underrated 05-21-12' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-05-22. Transcript available.

Underrated. Overrated, underrated for this week. Overrated. Fucking voicemails.
Leaving them is the most awkward thing.
I've always said that I'm terrible at leaving them, but whenever I say that
everyone else always says it too.
So I'm putting my foot down on the issue and calling it right now. Leaving a
message for someone on the phone sucks.
There's no way to start your message normally without sounding like a douche,
and then five minutes later you realize you've been trailing on and on while
saying, uh, um, too many times.
Making you want to kill yourself. Ending with the inevitable, uh, okay, thanks,
bye.
Reminding them that you're still a douche. Fucking awful.
Dude, this is something that's really like an epidemic in this young generation.
Is everybody just feeling awkward and feeling like a douche?
I don't know what happened to you guys.
I think this last generation of fathers, they flipped like, I'm not going to
beat the shit out of my kid,
not hug him, and never tell him that I, that I, that I love him.
Uh, you know, I'm going to do all of that shit, and you end up with these
people who can't even fucking leave voicemails.
What is so awkward?
You know?
I, I, you know what, I have a hard time getting off the phone.
I forget, I forget what I used to say, but I don't feel awkward.
Well, I just feel like an idiot, I guess.
So I guess I kind of relate.
I just go, all right, that's it.
I'm out of here.
I will say that, but leaving a message, I like leaving messages.
I sing on people's voicemails.
You know, whenever I call up fucking Bobby, Bobby Kelly, or fucking Joey Rosas,
I call him up, and I, I'll just, immediately, I'll just, whatever comes to my
mind, I'll just start singing.
Who's the cunt that I love the most?
Who's that fucker who eats the toast?
It's Joey.
He's such a big fag.
DeRosa, what's going on?
It's Bill.
Give me a call back, you cunt.
Click.
That's it.
Why don't you try singing?
You can do it for anybody.
Hey, Mom, what's up, you sweetie?
Thanks for having me.
Forty years ago, I sent you some flowers.
You didn't call me.
Do you like my siblings better than me?
Click, right?
Why don't you do that?
Try that, sir.
Try singing first.
All right.
Underrated, overrated.
Underrated.
Sitting down to pee if you're a guy.
Is it that, how old are you?
Is it that hard to stand up?
What is wrong with this fucking generation of guys?
You know, sitting down to pee, it's actually easier.
And you don't get varicose veins from all those years.
There's nothing better than just pulling out your dick and just fucking peeing
all over
everything.
You know, you're fucking shooting the toilet paper around.
It's a fucking good time.
Anyways, it says the guy who drives a fucking hybrid.
Anyways, there are many benefits to being a guy and sitting down to pee, such
as not having
to hear your chick complain about peeing on the seat, even though it's on the
fucking top
of the bowl and it's not actually the seat.
Yeah, here's a guy.
He's literally sitting down to pee so his girlfriend will stop yelling at him.
Okay.
I don't know what happened, people.
A hundred years ago, we could hit him with mop handles and I don't know what
happened.
They got organized and we didn't.
And now we're sitting down to pee just so they'll stop yelling at us.
All right, number two, if you're like me and you wake up to pee at night, you
don't have
to fuck with your eyes and turn on the bathroom lights to aim.
Oh, dude, you're taking all the fun out of it.
That's how you train your ear.
All right, that sounds like the back of the bowl.
Where's the water?
That's the floor.
There it is.
One small step.
Number three, not bending down to lift up the seat.
Oh, you know what, dude?
You're a fucking pansy.
Not bending down to clean off the seat.
Less bending in general.
Why don't you just bend over and suck your own dick as you sit on the bowl, you
fucking
douche.
Fuck that guy.
Peeing, sitting down.
You know, what else, sir?
What else is overrated?
Lifting weights.
Owning a gun.
Chewing tobacco.
Eating steak.
What else?
Drinking scotch.
Smoking cigars.
Fixing your own car.
What else, sir?
What else is fucking overrated?
Everything that makes being a guy fucking awesome.
Losing your shit because some guy you don't know missed a field goal that
really has no
effect on your life.
Talking shit.
Is that all overrated?
Lee Marvin.
The only thing that saved you, sir, is you didn't leave your name.
So that's the only thing that I can say is I can at least see that there was
some sort
of shame in your email.