Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Police Brutality
Uploaded: 2012-06-20T05:19:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Police Brutality' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-06-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Police Brutality' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-06-20. Transcript available.

Advice, don't take shit from anybody?
Bill, sometimes you end your podcast with go fuck yourselves and don't take
shit from anyone.
Well, let me tell you my story.
Back in November, a cop pulled me over, roughed me up, was a huge asshole,
and rode up every rinky-dinky ticket he could.
Okay, now wait a minute, what happened?
You were just driving down the street and this guy just pulled you over?
I need a little bit of the backstory here.
Was this guy, you know, did he get into a big fight with his wife and then took
it out on you?
Or did you say something wise to the guy?
And he said, all right, I'm not in the fucking mood.
Anyways, let's see if we can figure it out here.
At the end of the altercation, I shook his hand, looked him straight in the
eyes,
and gave him that look that says, I will see you in court, asshole.
I showed up in court this Monday to defend myself.
My plan was to stand before that asshole and have him explain his actions to me
in a court of law.
Yeah, dude, this ain't going to work out unless you had a witness.
I wanted to ask him, even then that doesn't work out.
I wanted to ask him if twisting my arm so much that I couldn't use it for a few
days was justified.
I wanted to ask him why he decided that me, 5'6", 175 pounds was a threat to
him, 6'3", 250, that he need to hit me from behind.
Dude, call me an asshole, but I'm not 100% buying this story because you didn't
say what happened before this.
This guy just did this?
Is this guy like the fucking worst cop ever?
I don't know.
Here we go.
I wanted to know why he needed to demean me while I was handcuffed in the back
of the paddy wagon.
I then wanted to ask him how many excessive force complaints he had against him.
The answer is four.
Oh, shit, so I'm wrong here.
I wanted to ask him how his marriage ended.
His ex-wife has a restraining order against him for domestic violence.
All right, I tap out.
You're right.
You're right.
Sorry.
I wanted to ask him what part of protect and serve did he not understand.
I wanted to end the questioning with him explaining how he got caught on a cell
phone camera assaulting a motorist.
You can look up the video on YouTube under Milwaukee Police Lambo driver, L-A-M-B-O
driver.
Here's what sucks.
In Milwaukee, if the cop that wrote you the ticket doesn't show up in court,
your case is dismissed and you don't have to pay anything.
Well, guess why I told you that.
The piece of shit didn't show up in court.
Oh, that's awful.
I need advice.
Do I let this all be water under the bridge or do I take this fucker down?
I really want justice, but I don't want to be beaten by other cops.
What should I do?
Well, I think you just shed some light.
Milwaukee Police Lambo driver.
All my listeners will probably look up and watch that.
No, this guy sounds like a dangerous guy.
Look, you know, this is what I would do if I was going to try to take this dude
down.
What I would do is, you know what the local news loves doing now?
They love showing like YouTube videos and they love talking about Twitter and
all that type of stuff because they're desperately trying to get the kids and
people.
Because they're losing all this viewership to the Internet.
So the fact that you have this controversial thing, you have this fucked up law,
and you have a YouTube video of this guy.
It makes that's like one of those perfect little pieces, you know, coming up
next Milwaukee police officer, a little out of line.
Check out the YouTube video that everybody's been talking about.
I mean, you could go that way.
But, yeah, I mean, you're taking a – you're definitely going to take a
fucking risk.
You know, Rodney King died this week, and that brought up that whole video and
all that type of shit.
And I know, you know, the guy just pulled over.
That's what you're supposed to do.
I know.
I mean, look, who's kidding who?
Rodney King was going to get beat down no matter what.
I mean, if you run from the fucking cops, I don't give a fuck who you are.
You're going to get beat down.
But if you get back up, you charge him a couple of times.
Abso-fucking-lutely.
But, you know, there's got to be a way to take a guy down without giving him 12
fucking skull fractures.
You know what I'm saying?
It's a – I don't know.
It's a – it's a – it's a fucking thankless job, and then it's a really
dangerous job if the wrong kind of person gets the job.
Why did my phone just go off?
Oh, that's right.
I got to do that shit.
So, I don't know.
Personally, I can't ever watch that Rodney King thing again.
That's like fucking – it's the most brutal thing ever.
And actually, when you watch that now, you go, thank God they got fucking –
what do you call those things?
Taser?
What do they call – Cleo, what do you call those things?
What do they call those things that you – they just – they zap you?
Did you guys ever see that one – that one where they – the cop?
What the fuck do you call those things?
He got tased.
He got fucking – is it a taser?
Cleo, why am I so dumb?
Huh?
Fucking love this dog.
You know that, Cleo?
Underrated.
Having a dog.
It's the best fucking thing ever.
Anyways, I got to get you this YouTube video now that I brought it up.
It's basically they're doing a demonstration of one of those fucking things,
whatever the fuck you call them, that I just can't think – why do I keep
saying it's a taser?
I know it's not a – is it a taser?
He got tased?
I can't fucking – my brain is mush.
So anyways, there's one cop going to zap another cop to demonstrate it to the
class.
And look, man, I don't give a fuck how much of a man you are.
You get fucking zapped with electricity, you're going to make a noise.
Most guys go like – and they fucking go down.
This guy fucking shoots it at the guy, and this dude sounds like he's, like,
ending an opera.
He gets tased.
He's like, whoo!
He just fucking drops.
Whoo!
He does literally something like that and drops.
And I just love how the cop who shoots him tries to act like he just didn't
scream out like a little fucking girl, man.
It's hilarious.
But getting back to that.
Yeah, dude, that's a serious – that's a serious thing.
And, you know, if this guy really is as bad as you're saying, you know, the
right thing is not to let it go.
The right thing is to try and shed some light on it, and hopefully that they
can get this guy off the force because he's given decent cops a bad name.
There you go.
So – but your worries are definitely, you know, valid.
I mean, considering none of those cops during the Rodney King, none of them got
fucking – they got off.
You can get off doing that.
I mean, Jesus Christ.
You know, that dude who shot that kid on that platform in Oakland?
That was fucking brutal.
He's like, oh, I thought it was my – I thought it was my house keys.
I didn't realize it was my gun.
And he fucking got away with that.
I'm not trashing cops.
I'm just saying.
I'm not saying they're all fucking bad, but I'm just saying it's practically
fucking impossible.
Literally, even if you have video, I think you have to have the combination of
having video, and then you have to be – you have to be a certain level of
wealth and influence.
Because if you're broke, you know, I don't think that they're – you know,
there's no way.
They're just going to be like, yeah, go fuck yourself.
You're done.
You know, and then when you add racism into it, I mean, you're pretty much –
it's pretty much game, set, match, which is fucking unfortunate.
So, I don't know.
I'm talking about society way beyond my fucking intellect.
So, I'm going to tap out here.
I already trashed fucking hair metal, and I'm going to have fucking angry
psycho cops mad at me.
Okay.