Name: Bill Burr - Europeans
Uploaded: 2012-06-20T10:28:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Europeans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-06-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Europeans' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-06-20. Transcript available.

So, I need you guys to come up with a name for this phenomenon.
You ever been standing in an airport terminal and there's some douche talking
really loud on his cell phone?
Of course you have.
We all have, right?
He's this big, this giant dude.
He's a fat black dude from England.
So, he sounds like he's in lock stock in smoking barrels, whatever the fuck it's
called.
And he's a tub of shit, which is making me laugh because everybody in Europe
acts like they're fucking smart and in shape.
You know, he looked like the fucking dude on, you know, what do you look like?
You know that show, the Cleveland Browns show, you know his son?
It's exactly what he looked like.
He didn't talk like him, but he had the fucking round glasses, the whole
goddamn thing.
That's what the fuck he looked like.
And he's talking, he's fucking, he's American fat.
He's Chicago fat, all right?
But he's European.
So, he still has to wear those tight fucking jeans.
I don't know why.
I don't know what it is about Europe and fucking suffocating your balls.
But Europeans just, their jeans cannot be fucking tight.
They just cannot be fucking tight enough.
They have, they have to fucking frame their package.
Their goddamn units look like fucking Han Solo's face when he gets frozen in
that little piece of fucking carbon.
Or whatever the fuck it was.
Um, anyways.
So, he's running his stupid yap.
Yeah, mate, going over to Melbourne.
After that, gonna go back over to fucking who gives a fuck, right?
Just talking, talking, talking.
Big, stupid Chicago bear fucking gut.
You know, you know when you get the creases on the side?
You could stick mail in there.
He's got those on the side, right?
Offensive lineman fat.
You know?
He's got great footwork though.
But look at his fucking belly.
And he's just running his goddamn yap.
You know?
So, I walk away from the guy.
But he's one of these guys who takes a little stroll when he walks.
So, he keeps fucking walking over into my little area.
Right?
So, I'm like, ah, you know, Bill, come on.
Just fucking, don't be this.
Don't be fucking screaming and yelling.
Just fucking relax.
And, uh, what is the name of this phenomenon?
They start loading the fucking plane.
I get on the plane.
Here comes that fucking douche, right?
Still talking.
Yeah, mate.
Yeah, yeah.
Good day, mate.
Yeah, yeah.
All fucking bullshit.
I know good day mates from fucking Australia before I get shit from fucking
people from England.
Y'all sound the same to me, right?
So, he comes walking up the aisle.
He's still running his fucking yap.
And I'm just going, ah, Jesus Christ.
All right.
I'll be off listening to this guy for another five, four, three until he goes
by.
And the motherfucker's in my row.
What are the odds?
You know?
What are the fucking odds?
Goddamn 70 fucking rows.
Not only is he in my row, he's sitting right next to me.
And he stays on the phone the whole fucking time.
Yeah, mate.
Yeah.
No.
No.
Teddy Bass.
Watching telly.
Is this Stan?
Right?
The whole fucking time.
Why are you swearing?
I'm not swearing.
The whole fucking time sitting next to me, running his goddamn yap with his fat
fucking stomach
and the crease on the side.
And this is the only props I will give this guy is, you know, he never said
hello.
We didn't speak the whole flight.
I loved it.
I loved that he was as self-involved as I am.
And last thing I wanted to hear, last thing I wanted to do was start talking to
him because
he already annoyed the shit out of me.
And I know from experience that if I'm going to talk to somebody from another
country, at
some point they're going to shit on the United States.
That's something that they like to do while calling us the ignorant Americans
traveling
around the world, you know, all knees and elbows.
Those motherfuckers come over here and it's just, you can't talk to them for
more than
fucking five minutes before they shit on America.
I don't fucking understand it.
You know, I would never do that.
The only way I would do that is if I was on stage in another country, just for
the fucking
ridiculousness of it, to start making fun of their fucking country.
But if I was sitting on a plane, I would just be talking, hey, you have a
beautiful country,
blah, blah, blah, be a decent fucking guy.
I don't fucking, ah, Jesus Christ.
What the hell was I just going to talk?
I just remembered something in the middle of that.
What the hell was I talking about?
Hang on a second.
Let me think about this.
Oh yeah, I remember what it was.
Did I tell this story?
Like fucking four months ago, I pulled my big ass truck into this small spot,
but there
was nobody on the other side of me and I was fine, right?
When I came out, somebody had pulled in and it was really tight as far as like
on either
side of my truck.
And then I didn't have a lot of space to back out.
So it was this fucking problem.
I keep trying to back, you know, back out, come back in, back out, like inch my
way in.
So this fucking guy starts helping me out.
I think he was from England.
And he's like, uh, you know, next time, why don't you do the un-American thing
and back in.
And I, I, I fucking, I, it's like, you can't even help me out of the spot
without fucking
nitpicking.
You fucking cunts.
You know what?
I'll listen to it from Australia, but England, the, the amount of shit that is
going on in
the world still because of those cunts, the fact that they actually fucking
give, you had
the balls to give the United States shit.
The very least be like, Hey, welcome to the party.
Welcome.
You guys are slowly catching up to us historically as the biggest fucking oppressive
douchebags
on the planet.
You want to come at me like that?
Absolutely.
But if you're going to fucking come at me, like you didn't do all this other
bullshit
out there, the fucking caste system in India and all that fucking crap, the
shit that happened
in Rwanda, you know, that's all I got.
Two examples.
I don't know anything else.
The Falkland Islands.
Ah, Jesus.
The ignorant American strikes again.
But you know what I'm saying?
If I actually read, I could fucking bury you guys in this argument.
All right.
With your Jolly Rancher flag, whatever the fuck you call it.
All right.
Thank God I don't have a gig coming up in England after that little thing, you
know.