Name: Bill Burr - Guest Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports
Uploaded: 2012-07-17T14:45:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Guest Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Guest Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-07-17. Transcript available.

And I'm in Boston right now, the friendly confines.
I've been behind enemy lines since 1995, so I'm back here in Boston.
And I figured, what better time to do a podcast with a fellow Boston sports fan.
Dave Portnoy is my guest this week.
I feel like I have a real show here, by the way.
He's the creator of Barstoolsports.com, which is so big now that I've heard it's
now in New York, Philly.
Well, New York's version of Barstool, obviously, and they're not talking Boston
sports.
But before we get into this, it's like, you know, his website is, you know, all
things Boston.
And then it just shoots off from there, from political stuff to the smoke show
of the week, right?
The hot chick?
Pretty much anything that we feel like talking about.
We have the Boston version, New York, Philly, college version.
But it's almost like a guy gossip site.
It's the Monday Morning Podcast!
I know you had some fallout, though.
Like, you did some, like, on your website, you had some sort of a, um, some
sort of a joke or whatever.
And they, uh, a rape joke.
Yeah.
And then you went on TV.
I gotta tell you, dude, that took balls, man.
Like, you sticking up for your joke like that.
Like, I would have stuck up for my joke, but I would have done it with a little
more tact.
I'll have a link to it on my, uh, for podcast listeners.
She was just...
Lisa Guerrero.
Yeah, man.
She came in.
Lisa Guerrero, who was in Playboy.
What was the joke?
She's been in Playboy, by the way.
And used to do the Weather Girl for the sports, for CBS Sports.
That Lisa Guerrero.
Ah, good for her.
She's gorgeous.
Yeah.
Well, she was.
But anyways, the joke was, um...
Dude, look at me.
I'm no price.
No, listen, I, I call it as you see.
I mean, I know she won't look at me, but whatever.
Um, point is, we had a, there was a story in Europe, Australia, where a guy got
accused of rape and was acquitted.
And his defense was, she was wearing, the judge agreed with the defense.
She was wearing skinny jeans, and there's no way he could have gotten the jeans
off without her consent.
Because they were skinny jeans.
So...
And that got him off?
That got him off.
So that was the story.
Oh my God.
So our, our take on it, and it was the same take as we do with everything.
I mean, we make fun of everybody.
Was, it came out in the story that she was a size six.
And so I said, who cares about the rape side of things?
A size six should never be wearing skinny jeans.
You gotta be like...
Oh, that's that big?
Yeah, well, for skinny jeans, yeah.
I think you gotta be a zero or a two for skinny jeans.
Um, and I don't like skinny jeans.
So it's a fat girl, you're saying, in skinny jeans?
That's what I was saying, the problem.
So they were like, well, maybe that's why she, he couldn't get him off.
Exactly.
And that's how he got off.
And then I took it a step further, said, who cares about that?
You actually, if you're going to wear skinny jeans, you probably deserve to be
raped anyway.
Oh, so it was actually a fat joke.
Yeah, that's exactly what, yeah.
It's actually a fat joke.
That's exactly what it was.
Oh, I get it.
So you go, so, so anyway, Dave goes on this show, you'll see in the clip, this
girl goes
right at you and it's just like, you know, you think rape jokes are funny or
something.
You were like, somehow she was saying, you think that joke is funny.
And you're like, yes, I do.
And then she, then she tried to cook you.
She tried to spin it and be like, oh, so you find rape funny.
You're like, no, I don't.
But I, I, she goes, well, then I don't think you understand how offensive that
joke is.
And then you're like, well, evidently I don't.
And I totally got what you were saying.
You was like, at least what I think you were saying.
Well, you're basically saying like, like I would equate it to like seeing an
old lady
fall down a flight of stairs in real life, not fucking funny.
Horrific.
Okay.
In a Will Ferrell movie, hilarious.
Because, because it's so horrific.
Right.
All right.
So you actually did a, like a roundabout, like fat, like sort of a fashion joke.
You were sort of making, like going like, uh, that's basically ladies, you know,
if you're
a size six, don't try to slam your fat ass into a, but you were by no means
were condoning.
Condoning rape.
And that's what everyone's twisted on us.
And, but it was funny though, but you didn't even explain it to her.
You just, you just answered her questions and didn't try to enlighten her at
all.
And like, that's when I watched the clip.
I was just like, Jesus Christ.
Cause I w I would have been like, look, the joke was about this.
And then I would have backed out saying, you know, it's not my problem.
If people don't get my jokes, I, that's the way I would have handled it.
You just were like, you, you were like fucking Oliver North.
You just sitting there answering himself.
You know what?
It came across.
And here's the weird thing.
A lot of people think that clip made me look like an asshole and I have people
being like,
fuck you.
I would think that a bunch of people think that you're a piece of shit after
that.
Right.
Exactly.
Like this, this fucking, like, you know, uh, you know, my mother-in-law is
sitting watching,
you know, channel four.
And it's like my fucking son-in-law chendones rape.
Like what's going on?
But the thing about it, what you just said, that they probably in Inside
Edition showed
30 seconds of me talking.
I was in there for an hour and a half.
And I mean, at one point I thought we were going to fight each other.
Dude, I got to tell you that when you're getting interviewed, the longer it
goes, that's like
the first 48 where at some point in the interview, you have to be like, am I
being charged with
anything?
Because if not, I'm going to leave.
Or if I am, I want a lawyer.
But the longer you talk, it's the same thing doing like stand-up specials.
Like I remember back in the day, uh, the first time I got a, I got a half hour
on Comedy
Central, they were like, uh, you know, it's, you know, it's going to be 22
minutes because
they have, they have eight minutes of commercials and a half hour.
So they wanted us to, they were like bare minimum.
We need at least 28 minutes.
So I did 28 minutes on the nose.
Other guys would go over because the way I looked at it is I have no power over
how they're
going to edit this.
So I'm going to give them as, as little extra footage.
as I can.
And what ended up happening was they took a whole joke.
They just took the whole bit out.
I love the bit, but I only lost, there was only one thing to be upset about.
So I think when you get into those, those interviews, uh, like further down the
line,
you should just be like, you know, it takes them an hour and a half to ask you
about a
fucking rave and one joke.
And we're all over the map and we're dumb idiots.
I mean, they came to our office, this camera crew and we're like serving them
tea and crumpets
being like, Oh, you want to like crack them all jokes thinking we're buddies
with these
people.
That's one of the first things you learned.
Those aren't your friends.
No, no.
But we were, we were rolling out the red carpet, like crumpets.
And I thought they were friendly as hell.
Super nice.
Oh yeah.
It's so great what you're doing with your website.
This really must be great.
You know, we always like meeting young people who are doing things.
And then, but the second that interview ended, I knew, I knew that she was
going to make,
I mean, there was, I met the camera guy who also did the 2020 thing that we
just did.
And even he says like, it was one of the more contentious interviews and it,
they're built
to be contentious because it was, it was that exchange, that type of tension
the whole time
with this lady.
Oh, the second you sat down, you felt she already had a mind made up.
Oh, it was already, I mean, we said stuff like she's, I mean, I forget the
exchange we
had.
There were some exchanges where it was like, she's like, well, I'm a feminist.
Like, well, I saw you naked in Playboy.
So I don't think the, you know, they think you're a feminist.
And it was that type of exchange the entire time.
And are they going to release this on DVD and I can see the live version?
I would pay, I would pay five grand cash for the full interview.
I actually think it would make me look great because they kind of, like what
you're talking
about, she didn't have any of the back contents.
I asked her a hundred times, like, did you read the blog?
You're just saying I condone rape.
Do you even know what it's about?
She couldn't answer it.
You know, she asked me, do, um.
I actually think at the end of the day, to use that overly used expression,
that they
love having a guest like you.
Because at the end, I'm going to use it again.
At the end of the day, they want people to watch.
And if they have an interview like you, yeah, I think there's that weird push
pull thing
where they're acting like they're completely outraged, but they're totally
psyched that
you're being what they think is an asshole.
Right, and I'm an easy target.
And I'm probably somewhat like you.
Dude, and you were sitting there in a tank top.
Well, that's my army gear.
Like, if, granted, I'm wearing it now, but if I show up to a professional
interview in
a purple tank top similar to this, it's a little more outrageous than what I
wear.
That means I know you don't like me across, I'm going to try to make up a, not
a mockery,
but I, it's like my mental, I know I'm about to be made into an asshole.
So you're like, if you're going to try and screw me, I'm not putting on a suit
and tie.
Right, exactly.
I'm not going to try.
I already know you're going to make me look like a jerk.
That's actually fucking hilarious.
That's the first thing.
You dress, you know what they say as a comedian, you're supposed to dress to
the level of the
room.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you're going to do, like, you know, some A room, you don't come in
there dressed
like a bum.
And then, you know, if you're doing some hell hole, you can dress it down.
But I always feel like, you know, you, you know, you at least want to, in a
hell room,
have some sort of moat between you and the animals.
So if you have some sort of I'm in show business, shiny shirt on, that can,
that can kind of
help.
But dude, I got to tell you, like, I don't know the whole backstory of that,
but all I know
when I watched that, I was just like, uh, you know, that's a lot of
comedian friends of mine, Opie and Anthony show, I should send them that clip.
Like, if they haven't seen it, like, I think that they would get a kick out of
it.
I'm not saying they condone it one way or the other, because I'm not trying to
get anybody
to dragged in on the shit, but just the, to, to the way you did that.
And you, there was no, like, you didn't, I, cause I, like I said, I would have
tried
to explain the joke.
I didn't blink.
She, she threw it at me and I just stoned faced her right back at her.
It was, it was really, it was funny.
So you can almost see my face actually.
And when I rewatch it, like I almost grind my teeth, like I knew it was coming.
It was like, I was gearing up to, all right, don't back down right here.
Just go right back at her.
Well, it's going to be interesting as you do more and more of those interviews.
I'll be looking now for the tank top.
Oh, he's got an eyes on it.
He kind of likes this guy.
Maybe the things.
It's the Monday morning podcast.
Well, can people send you stuff?
Yes, we always want.
We're always looking for rumors.
Where is that?
Cause I, I know like it's a, I talk sports a lot.
So I have a lot of sports fans and I got to tell you, man, people send me some
stuff
and I get some funny emails and like people send me questions and shit.
And like, like, uh, the, there's some really funny people out there.
So that's what we're looking for.
So if they send it to like tips at barstoolsports.com, just that they want to
write all we asked
it for samples, like T I P S.
Yep.
Like I'm not going to sit there.
A lot of people, we get a lot of this, like hire me.
I'm great.
Like, I'm not even going to reply to that.
But if you are serious, just send, like, look at our site for a minute, be like,
this
is how they write and send us a sample of what you think would work.
If it's good, I will 100% get back to you.
We're always looking for writers, always looking for new cities.
I mean, I was looking for Chicago for three years before we finally found a guy
I thought
could do it.
And it's just one guy?
You start with like a half dozen?
No, we start with a half dozen, I wish.
We, uh, as one guy basically runs per city.
So their job requirements really to post a new blog, which is like, I don't
know, paragraph
or two current events type thing every, from nine o'clock in the morning to
basically
five at night.
I mean, it's a grind.
It beats a real job, but it's, it's a lot of writing.
Oh, you, you have to come up with a paragraph of funny shit.
It's basically, I mean, we're like current events.
So it's, well, you scour the internet looking for weird shit, whether it be
sports or just,
you know, I'm trying to think of a weird one.
What's one of your favorite weird stories that you guys kind of wrote?
I mean, we have so many weird ones.
Like...
What's the, what's the latest one that you guys...
I mean, today, even in Rentham, I don't, like, they banned American flags in
Rentham because
somebody complained that there were too many American flags on the 4th of July.
So they banned them totally?
They banned them from the housing product.
Can you, can you do that in America?
I guess, I guess so.
I mean, that's a pretty weird story.
All right.
So what now, what if I have a Taliban flag and there's nothing in there so we
can have a
bunch of those fucking hanging around?
They're saying that.
It was the, I should clarify, it was the Weymouth Housing Authority.
So it was like in, I guess, the subsidized housing.
But, I mean, I could go look at this thing.
There's so many, I mean, I know there was a story about the chick with the
biggest tits
in the history of the world.
They were just huge black women with these saggy tits to the ground.
I mean, there's literally, that's, that's, the beauty of the internet is
whenever you think
you've run out of weird stuff, there's, there's always more weird stuff.
There's always going to be something else.
It's the Monday Morning Podcast.
All right.
Wrapping it up here.
Dave, so fucking nice to meet you.
Thanks for letting me swing by here.
Barstoolsports.com.
And if people out there who are insane about sports and you want to start, you
want to get
out of your miserable life in that fucking cubicle and actually write about
something or you
always wanted to write or whatever, you think you can do it, where should they
send it
to?
Tips at barstoolsports.com.
T-I-P-S at barstoolsports.com.

Bill Burr - Guest Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports

And I'm in Boston right now, the friendly confines.
I've been behind enemy lines since 1995, so I'm back here in Boston.
And I figured, what better time to do a podcast with a fellow Boston sports fan.
Dave Portnoy is my guest this week.
I feel like I have a real show here, by the way.
He's the creator of Barstoolsports.com, which is so big now that I've heard it's
now in New York, Philly.
Well, New York's version of Barstool, obviously, and they're not talking Boston
sports.
But before we get into this, it's like, you know, his website is, you know, all
things Boston.
And then it just shoots off from there, from political stuff to the smoke show
of the week, right?
The hot chick?
Pretty much anything that we feel like talking about.
We have the Boston version, New York, Philly, college version.
But it's almost like a guy gossip site.
It's the Monday Morning Podcast!
I know you had some fallout, though.
Like, you did some, like, on your website, you had some sort of a, um, some
sort of a joke or whatever.
And they, uh, a rape joke.
Yeah.
And then you went on TV.
I gotta tell you, dude, that took balls, man.
Like, you sticking up for your joke like that.
Like, I would have stuck up for my joke, but I would have done it with a little
more tact.
I'll have a link to it on my, uh, for podcast listeners.
She was just...
Lisa Guerrero.
Yeah, man.
She came in.
Lisa Guerrero, who was in Playboy.
What was the joke?
She's been in Playboy, by the way.
And used to do the Weather Girl for the sports, for CBS Sports.
That Lisa Guerrero.
Ah, good for her.
She's gorgeous.
Yeah.
Well, she was.
But anyways, the joke was, um...
Dude, look at me.
I'm no price.
No, listen, I, I call it as you see.
I mean, I know she won't look at me, but whatever.
Um, point is, we had a, there was a story in Europe, Australia, where a guy got
accused of rape and was acquitted.
And his defense was, she was wearing, the judge agreed with the defense.
She was wearing skinny jeans, and there's no way he could have gotten the jeans
off without her consent.
Because they were skinny jeans.
So...
And that got him off?
That got him off.
So that was the story.
Oh my God.
So our, our take on it, and it was the same take as we do with everything.
I mean, we make fun of everybody.
Was, it came out in the story that she was a size six.
And so I said, who cares about the rape side of things?
A size six should never be wearing skinny jeans.
You gotta be like...
Oh, that's that big?
Yeah, well, for skinny jeans, yeah.
I think you gotta be a zero or a two for skinny jeans.
Um, and I don't like skinny jeans.
So it's a fat girl, you're saying, in skinny jeans?
That's what I was saying, the problem.
So they were like, well, maybe that's why she, he couldn't get him off.
Exactly.
And that's how he got off.
And then I took it a step further, said, who cares about that?
You actually, if you're going to wear skinny jeans, you probably deserve to be
raped anyway.
Oh, so it was actually a fat joke.
Yeah, that's exactly what, yeah.
It's actually a fat joke.
That's exactly what it was.
Oh, I get it.
So you go, so, so anyway, Dave goes on this show, you'll see in the clip, this
girl goes
right at you and it's just like, you know, you think rape jokes are funny or
something.
You were like, somehow she was saying, you think that joke is funny.
And you're like, yes, I do.
And then she, then she tried to cook you.
She tried to spin it and be like, oh, so you find rape funny.
You're like, no, I don't.
But I, I, she goes, well, then I don't think you understand how offensive that
joke is.
And then you're like, well, evidently I don't.
And I totally got what you were saying.
You was like, at least what I think you were saying.
Well, you're basically saying like, like I would equate it to like seeing an
old lady
fall down a flight of stairs in real life, not fucking funny.
Horrific.
Okay.
In a Will Ferrell movie, hilarious.
Because, because it's so horrific.
Right.
All right.
So you actually did a, like a roundabout, like fat, like sort of a fashion joke.
You were sort of making, like going like, uh, that's basically ladies, you know,
if you're
a size six, don't try to slam your fat ass into a, but you were by no means
were condoning.
Condoning rape.
And that's what everyone's twisted on us.
And, but it was funny though, but you didn't even explain it to her.
You just, you just answered her questions and didn't try to enlighten her at
all.
And like, that's when I watched the clip.
I was just like, Jesus Christ.
Cause I w I would have been like, look, the joke was about this.
And then I would have backed out saying, you know, it's not my problem.
If people don't get my jokes, I, that's the way I would have handled it.
You just were like, you, you were like fucking Oliver North.
You just sitting there answering himself.
You know what?
It came across.
And here's the weird thing.
A lot of people think that clip made me look like an asshole and I have people
being like,
fuck you.
I would think that a bunch of people think that you're a piece of shit after
that.
Right.
Exactly.
Like this, this fucking, like, you know, uh, you know, my mother-in-law is
sitting watching,
you know, channel four.
And it's like my fucking son-in-law chendones rape.
Like what's going on?
But the thing about it, what you just said, that they probably in Inside
Edition showed
30 seconds of me talking.
I was in there for an hour and a half.
And I mean, at one point I thought we were going to fight each other.
Dude, I got to tell you that when you're getting interviewed, the longer it
goes, that's like
the first 48 where at some point in the interview, you have to be like, am I
being charged with
anything?
Because if not, I'm going to leave.
Or if I am, I want a lawyer.
But the longer you talk, it's the same thing doing like stand-up specials.
Like I remember back in the day, uh, the first time I got a, I got a half hour
on Comedy
Central, they were like, uh, you know, it's, you know, it's going to be 22
minutes because
they have, they have eight minutes of commercials and a half hour.
So they wanted us to, they were like bare minimum.
We need at least 28 minutes.
So I did 28 minutes on the nose.
Other guys would go over because the way I looked at it is I have no power over
how they're
going to edit this.
So I'm going to give them as, as little extra footage.
as I can.
And what ended up happening was they took a whole joke.
They just took the whole bit out.
I love the bit, but I only lost, there was only one thing to be upset about.
So I think when you get into those, those interviews, uh, like further down the
line,
you should just be like, you know, it takes them an hour and a half to ask you
about a
fucking rave and one joke.
And we're all over the map and we're dumb idiots.
I mean, they came to our office, this camera crew and we're like serving them
tea and crumpets
being like, Oh, you want to like crack them all jokes thinking we're buddies
with these
people.
That's one of the first things you learned.
Those aren't your friends.
No, no.
But we were, we were rolling out the red carpet, like crumpets.
And I thought they were friendly as hell.
Super nice.
Oh yeah.
It's so great what you're doing with your website.
This really must be great.
You know, we always like meeting young people who are doing things.
And then, but the second that interview ended, I knew, I knew that she was
going to make,
I mean, there was, I met the camera guy who also did the 2020 thing that we
just did.
And even he says like, it was one of the more contentious interviews and it,
they're built
to be contentious because it was, it was that exchange, that type of tension
the whole time
with this lady.
Oh, the second you sat down, you felt she already had a mind made up.
Oh, it was already, I mean, we said stuff like she's, I mean, I forget the
exchange we
had.
There were some exchanges where it was like, she's like, well, I'm a feminist.
Like, well, I saw you naked in Playboy.
So I don't think the, you know, they think you're a feminist.
And it was that type of exchange the entire time.
And are they going to release this on DVD and I can see the live version?
I would pay, I would pay five grand cash for the full interview.
I actually think it would make me look great because they kind of, like what
you're talking
about, she didn't have any of the back contents.
I asked her a hundred times, like, did you read the blog?
You're just saying I condone rape.
Do you even know what it's about?
She couldn't answer it.
You know, she asked me, do, um.
I actually think at the end of the day, to use that overly used expression,
that they
love having a guest like you.
Because at the end, I'm going to use it again.
At the end of the day, they want people to watch.
And if they have an interview like you, yeah, I think there's that weird push
pull thing
where they're acting like they're completely outraged, but they're totally
psyched that
you're being what they think is an asshole.
Right, and I'm an easy target.
And I'm probably somewhat like you.
Dude, and you were sitting there in a tank top.
Well, that's my army gear.
Like, if, granted, I'm wearing it now, but if I show up to a professional
interview in
a purple tank top similar to this, it's a little more outrageous than what I
wear.
That means I know you don't like me across, I'm going to try to make up a, not
a mockery,
but I, it's like my mental, I know I'm about to be made into an asshole.
So you're like, if you're going to try and screw me, I'm not putting on a suit
and tie.
Right, exactly.
I'm not going to try.
I already know you're going to make me look like a jerk.
That's actually fucking hilarious.
That's the first thing.
You dress, you know what they say as a comedian, you're supposed to dress to
the level of the
room.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you're going to do, like, you know, some A room, you don't come in
there dressed
like a bum.
And then, you know, if you're doing some hell hole, you can dress it down.
But I always feel like, you know, you, you know, you at least want to, in a
hell room,
have some sort of moat between you and the animals.
So if you have some sort of I'm in show business, shiny shirt on, that can,
that can kind of
help.
But dude, I got to tell you, like, I don't know the whole backstory of that,
but all I know
when I watched that, I was just like, uh, you know, that's a lot of
comedian friends of mine, Opie and Anthony show, I should send them that clip.
Like, if they haven't seen it, like, I think that they would get a kick out of
it.
I'm not saying they condone it one way or the other, because I'm not trying to
get anybody
to dragged in on the shit, but just the, to, to the way you did that.
And you, there was no, like, you didn't, I, cause I, like I said, I would have
tried
to explain the joke.
I didn't blink.
She, she threw it at me and I just stoned faced her right back at her.
It was, it was really, it was funny.
So you can almost see my face actually.
And when I rewatch it, like I almost grind my teeth, like I knew it was coming.
It was like, I was gearing up to, all right, don't back down right here.
Just go right back at her.
Well, it's going to be interesting as you do more and more of those interviews.
I'll be looking now for the tank top.
Oh, he's got an eyes on it.
He kind of likes this guy.
Maybe the things.
It's the Monday morning podcast.
Well, can people send you stuff?
Yes, we always want.
We're always looking for rumors.
Where is that?
Cause I, I know like it's a, I talk sports a lot.
So I have a lot of sports fans and I got to tell you, man, people send me some
stuff
and I get some funny emails and like people send me questions and shit.
And like, like, uh, the, there's some really funny people out there.
So that's what we're looking for.
So if they send it to like tips at barstoolsports.com, just that they want to
write all we asked
it for samples, like T I P S.
Yep.
Like I'm not going to sit there.
A lo