Name: Bill Burr&Jim Florentine - Long Hair and Catholic School
Uploaded: 2012-08-06T17:25:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Jim Florentine - Long Hair and Catholic School' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-08-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Jim Florentine - Long Hair and Catholic School' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-08-06. Transcript available.

But look, when I was in the late 80s, early 90s, when I had long hair, I took
like Bon Jovi's, whatever style he had, or David Coverdale from Whitesnake, and
I got a lot of fucking ass.
So I was almost considered a sex symbol back then, even though I wasn't.
But you can be a local sex symbol.
Well, I was. In Pennsylvania, I was a fucking 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, because
they were still five years behind the whole long hair thing.
So I would do all these gigs out in Pennsylvania and just fucking clean up.
That's hilarious. Do you ever go back there? Is that like your Germany, like
David Hasselhoff?
Do you ever just go back to Pennsylvania, do like a book signing or something?
No, because once I cut my hair, they cut me off. They no longer like me.
I was over.
They were mad. Remember when Metallica cut their hair? Half their fans were
pissed.
Yeah.
They fucking cut their hair.
Or Felicity.
Yeah, who cares? Oh, so that's going to change their music? So yeah, they
turned on me, Pennsylvania, too.
Just before all my listeners trashed me for knowing the Felicity thing, I took
an acting class with a girl who was on the show.
There was some show called Felicity, and every guy, like 14-year-old boy loved
this girl, Felicity.
And then she got her this, you know, I'm going to play softball now haircut.
Right.
And the whole fucking show tanked.
And this actress was a little bit older, so she came in just bitching one day
because she finally had a fucking regular gig or something like that.
She wasn't like one of the main people.
But, you know, she was on like three, four fucking episodes a season, and this
chick cut her hair, and like 100 people lost their jobs.
Well, yeah.
So that's how I know it, people.
Well, I could see that.
I mean, remember when Cheryl, I always thought Cheryl Crow was hot.
I still think she's hot.
And then remember when she came out with that fucking soccer mom hairdo for
like a year?
No.
She cut it all off, and it was really short.
Fucking she looked terrible.
You can't do that.
You can't.
As a woman, if you come into the business fuckable, hot or whatever, you have
to look that way.
It's the same thing.
It's the same thing like even as a guy.
As a guy, if you're coming in and, you know, you're all shredded and you have
abs and that type of shit, you got to – you have to – you can't get fat.
You know what I mean?
Unless I guess you're playing some – trying to win an Oscar.
But you then have to go back and lose the fucking weight.
Yeah, absolutely.
So that's the thing, dude.
So if I look like fucking Ron Howard, you know, it's –
Basically, I realize now that I'm losing my hair that I'm going to look like
him my whole fucking life, which is really disappointing.
Now, how did you – with the mom, as religious as that, did you rebel against
it?
Oh, brutal.
Yeah.
It was brutal?
Yeah, brutal.
Yeah.
How bad?
Did she make you dress in like super tight?
All the boy, all that stuff, and, you know, sign me up for that.
Catholic schools my whole life, you know, put in them from –
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah, from, you know, kindergarten, basically.
Now, at what point were you deciding that this wasn't the road for you?
Was it what the priests were saying or like what –
Well, probably after like the third – because all my friends were in public
school and I wanted to hang out with them.
Right.
I was hanging – you know, I just hated it right off the bat.
And they were like, no, it's a better education.
I'm like, how?
How is it – I got a fucking priest teaching me math.
He doesn't know if I'm fucking math.
A nun is teaching me fucking English.
You know, yeah, that's a better education.
Right.
You know, even in high school, my fucking –
So, wait, you went all the way through to senior year?
Yeah, through senior year.
Wow.
Yeah.
I got thrown out of two schools for being out of control.
And what was out of control?
Well, like they had these – they were bragging, you know, they make the
announcements in the morning.
Oh, you know, whatever, you know, so you have to say a prayer and all this shit.
So, they said, oh, we just bought these wrestling mats.
We spent a lot of money on them for a gym class, so please take care of them.
So, fucking my next gym class later that day, I fucking cut them up with razor
blades.
It was like fucking $3,000 worth of wrestling mats.
And I cut the fucking stage curtains too.
Why?
I don't know.
Just because they said, take care of them.
Because they just didn't know.
Yeah.
Really?
Take care of them?
You know, okay, fine.
I'm going to cut them up with razor blades.
And how did you get caught?
Well, they didn't know it was me.
They knew it was from our class because we were like the last class of the day,
like eighth period or whatever.
So, they knew it was somebody in our class and it was only me and two other
fucking derelicts in the class.
So, they narrowed it down to us three and they had us in the office every day.
We know you did it.
They'd punch me in the face, smack me, pull my hair, stare at the wall for
eight hours.
Yeah.
And I'm like, okay, fine.
I would stare at the wall.
I wouldn't admit it.
I had a fucking swear on a Bible.
My mom took me to our local priest and she goes, I want you to swear on a Bible.
You didn't do this.
I swear on a Bible.
I go, no, I didn't do it.
Yeah, which is hilarious if you don't believe in this shit.
Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I'll do that.
I'll fucking, yeah, put me on.
Give me a whole stack of them.
Yeah, whatever book.
Yeah, I don't give a shit.
Put Slash's book.
I'll swear on that too.
So, did you start partying and that stuff?
You started getting into the weed and drinking probably like 14 or 15.
I was good in sports like baseball.
I was on the freshman team.
I played on the varsity team as a freshman.
But then like sophomore year, I started getting into the frigging drinking.
You played varsity as a freshman?
Wow.
Yeah, I was a lefty pitcher.
I was really good at some point.
I was a good hitter too.
I played first base.
But then I just started drinking and getting into smoking pot and cigarettes my
sophomore year.
And that was it.
So, did your mom, did she know you?
My dad was pissed.
Did your mom know you were doing any of that stuff?
Not really.
Because I had older brothers.
They were kind of like, you know, that's why I started getting the metal.
They would bring them to concerts.
At 14, I saw fucking ACDC with Bond Scott as a 12-year-old kid.
Fuck you.
What's that, the Power Rage Tour?
No, it was Highway to Hell.
Jesus Christ.
I saw him open for Ted Nugent at Madison Square Garden.
And I saw him at ACDC and I forget who else.
I think it was Def Leppard maybe.
It would whip on like two times before he died.
Because my brothers would bring me.
I was 12 and they were like 18.
And like, oh, we want to bring them.
So, I saw all these shows.
Holy shit.
It was fucking insane.
So, you would go from Catholic school to then going down to one of those
goddamn shows at 12.
Yeah.
Partying with your older brothers?
Yeah.
They would get me high.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Dude, you had a fucking awesome childhood.
No, it was great.
I mean, I was angry because I was fucking stuck in Catholic school and shit
like that.
But, yeah.
All right.
Well, let's wrap it up here.
Jim Florentine, your website is?
JimFlorentine.com.
On Twitter, Mr. Jim Florentine.
And my podcast, Comedy Metal Midgets, on iTunes.
And when can we see the next editions of?
New season of that metal show starts August 11th.
On VH1 Classic?
VH1 Classic, yeah.
Okay.
August 11th is coming up.
All right, Jim.
Thank you so much for coming by the podcast.
Thanks, Bill.