Name: Bill Burr - Virgin Threesome
Uploaded: 2012-08-28T01:51:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Virgin Threesome' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-08-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Virgin Threesome' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-08-28. Transcript available.

All right, the last one here. I don't even know if this one's true, guys. I
hope this is true. I don't know. But this seems too true, I mean, too
unbelievable to be true.
This is called Threesome. It says, Dear Bill, I was a virgin who never wrote in,
but listen to you respond to other virgins who wrote in. I am 19, not exactly
old, but who wants to break 20 before blowing your load in a teenage girl?
So the remarkable part is that I had a threesome to kick off my new life as not
a virgin. See that? This guy's trying to make me believe that right out of the
gate.
I mean, it can happen. People get called up from the minors their first fucking
time. You know, they hit for the fucking cycle.
They throw a perfect game. It can happen. But I'm reading this one with a grain
of salt. I don't know if this is a listener fucking with me or what, but here
we go.
He said, I met this girl. Let's see how believable this sounds. All right, then
we'll take a vote whether you believe this or not.
I hope it's true. Anyways, I met this girl at the beach last summer and ran
into her again sometime in July.
She was being very flirty and kept talking about her summer bucket list. She
said her and her friend had the same goal.
I thought they meant that they separately wanted to get deflowered. Not
thinking that, hey, everyone is probably getting laid. I figured we were all on
the same page.
Oh, so you thought that they were both virgins. So a week back, I invited her
to a party my friend was having.
She brings her friend and her friend is hotter. I start working on her because
I'm drunk and on a roll and I'm going for broke.
Good for you. Good for you. In fact, at one point, another dude came in to
interrupt the conversation and I gave him a whoa.
You got to you got to raise your hand. What does that mean?
He raised. Oh, all right. You got to raise your hand to come into the
conversation.
Jesus Christ, this kid took his Fonzie pills. I said he he raised his hand and
I called him a clown.
Everyone laughed. What a fucking idiot. He did that.
Anyways, why wouldn't I think this girl want wanted to bang?
Wait a minute, dude. How are you this fucking cool?
And you never got any ass before. This doesn't make any sense.
You're coming off like Billy Ray Valentine here.
Anyways, well, it turns out her and her friends wanted to have a threesome.
I realized this when they both told me flat out that they wanted to.
I went for a bill. I didn't really know what I was doing for the first 10
seconds or so.
But after that, it just all made sense. Like when Neil saw the Matrix, I couldn't
have done it without the podcast.
Now, let me ask you this. Do you guys believe that?
I didn't know what I was doing for the first 10 seconds and then you all of a
sudden you understood.
But then he makes a reference to Neil in the Matrix, which is something that a
fucking nerd would do.
I don't know. It's a hell of a story. I hope it's true.
It just doesn't make sense. You're a fucking virgin. You get a threesome the
first time without paying for it.
You know, you're fucking you have the ball.
You're a fucking virgin, but you had the bitch.
You're making the move of a guy who's gotten laid where you go for the even
harder one.
And then you stop the guy from cock blocking you.
You know, I mean, unless you're in absolute, you're fucking the natural.
There's no way. How do you have all these skills that you never got laid before?
I'm calling bullshit on this one. I hope it's true.
I hope it's true. I really do.
And if it is true, I want to know what the fuck you were drinking.