Name: Bill Burr - New World Order and Eclairs
Uploaded: 2012-09-25T12:11:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - New World Order and Eclairs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-09-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - New World Order and Eclairs' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-09-25. Transcript available.

you know what's funny about the fucking new world order you know what makes me
chuckle about it
is it's completely on paper it's totally fucking necessary
i have come full circle i understand why i'm going to be eliminated so if
anybody in a fucking hood
a cloaked hood or whatever you know if you're listening in while you're
dripping fucking hot
wax on a goddamn maltese falcon whatever the fuck you're doing in your weird
ass little
ritual i i don't need to be re-educated i get it just get on with the killing
you know
i'll be the only guy going to a death camp like playing a banjo
you know with a folk tune called i get it
um no i seriously you know i was reading all this shit about you know how in
the un they're finally
talking about the population problem and a lot of people are coming up with
this shit where they're
just like look we got to get rid of 90 percent of the population you know and
to do it in a way
that like you know doesn't make every other fucking genocide like look
what am i trying to say here
the only way you can fucking do that
what am i trying to fucking say here jesus christ okay so thanks go all right
if everybody
just has one kid from here on out we can get the population down to like three
and a half billion
by 2075 but i but the problem is is like most things we just treated it like a
term paper it's
too fucking late so you got other people like going now we got a fucking you
know
you got the other people they're acting like you know the host of that hoarder
show where they're
just like throw it all out it's all shit right i think that that's what they're
gonna do
so i guess if you want to survive what you have to do is you got to up what you
bring into the game
you know because if you're like me and you're kind of like
the human equivalent to a stack of newspapers with a dead cat underneath it
you know that you're gonna be uh you're gonna be out you're gonna be out the
fucking window
all right i wonder if they're gonna let you choose how you want to die how
would you do it
yeah what do i do you know what i would like i'd like i would like to fucking
be on some sort of
bungee cord that goes fucking instead of up and down it goes side to side and i
just swing on it
they they bring me back like a giant slingshot and just get shot to that giant
tv at uh cowboys
game during like a monday night football game you know knowing that i'm gonna
die but i set it up
like it's gonna be this stunt where i'm gonna go over it you know and i just
horrify some kids
that'll be like my last thing as i bounce off that turf right next to tony romo
i'm sorry people
i've been alone all fucking week this is the shit i'm thinking about this is
the monday morning
podcast everybody this is the uplifting
mmp talking about eliminating 90 of the people the world's population as you
sit there eating a
fucking eclair huh who had one already who already had a fucking eclair this
week
who eats a fucking eclair you know what i mean with that fucking goddamn jizz
in the middle of it i mean
like it wasn't disgusting enough you got to get like a donut facial that's got
to be like one of the
you know like the low points when you just have like total like just self-hatred
i would think as a fat
person if you just bought a dozen eclairs when you're polishing off like the
eighth or ninth one
if you had a big fuzzy beard it's all in your mustache and you look like you're
in some donut
bukkake movie you just got you just you just got to be like what what happened
you know i used to
climb trees i used to do cartwheels