Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Am I Dating A Whore
Uploaded: 2012-10-15T22:09:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Am I Dating A Whore' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-10-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Am I Dating A Whore' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-10-15. Transcript available.

Am I dating a whore? Hey, Bill, greetings from Spain. Hola, mi amigo. When are
you coming here?
I'm going to come there and watch people get run over by bulls at some point,
and I've realized that the place to be at is you want to be in the arena where
there's nowhere left to run.
You know? Anyway, I'm 22 and need some advice about a girl I'm dating. She was
in class with me in high school.
Dude, are you bilingual and you write this? This is just fucking amazing. My
old Spanish fell off again because I can't find the disc to put it on this
fucking laptop.
It's only on my old one. The worst. Two months or so ago, we met again for my
best friend's birthday.
Wait, let's start over again. I already forgot what happened. She was in class
with me in high school. We were good friends at the time.
Two months ago, we met again for my best friend's birthday party. She fit in my
group of friends pretty well, and after a couple days, we started flirting with
each other. Finally, one night, we hooked up, and now we're dating. Great. What
could go wrong?
Two years ago, she quit her career in college, and I picked another one that
she liked.
Two years ago, she quit her career in college, and I picked another one that
she liked. I don't know what that means.
She had to move to Madrid to attend school. Yesterday, we were having a small
pillow talk, and I asked her how many guys she'd bang.
She started counting, and my asshole shrunk a little.
Turns out, when she was in Madrid, she fucked six guys in six months and then
started a relationship with another one that went for a year and a half.
They broke up a month ago, and now she's with me.
So if my math doesn't fail, counting her first boyfriend, the sixth dude that
she's fucked, and this last guy, I'm dick number nine.
I've slept with six women in my entire life, and somehow I feel like I'm dating
a whore.
Dude, she's still in single digits.
You know?
That ain't nine dicks.
You're number nine.
Eight.
Trying to think of the schoolhouse fucking rock song for eight.
Was there one?
Three's a magic number.
Number nine will put you on the spot.
Number nine will tie you up, boy, in a knot.
I've slept with six women my entire life, and somehow I feel like I'm dating a
whore.
I can't help but have this horrendous thought in my head.
I'm not a jealous guy at all, but I caught myself a couple times on her
Facebook page guessing who these dudes are.
Dude, don't do that to yourself.
Look, you're competitive, all right?
You know?
You have six TD passes.
She has nine.
She's starting the Pro Bowl.
She's sweet.
She's nice.
She's into me, but I think it will be different for me to trust this girl,
which had never happened to me before.
I'm feeling miserable.
Any advice will be appreciated.
Yeah, dude, it's not her fault you only banged six broads, all right?
It would be one thing if she had a history of cheating on guys she was in a
relationship with.
Look, put it this way.
A woman, if she's even just halfway decent looking, can go out to a bar and get
dick every fucking night, all right?
Now, if you could do that, if you could turn the fucking table, if you could go
out and get laid like that with women, how many women would you have banged in
fucking six months?
680 is what I'm going to say.
Six months, 30 days a fucking month, roughly.
Yeah, you probably would bang.
You'd probably bang 80 before you started thinking, what am I doing?
This is empty.
You know?
She banged six.
That was probably her fucking little, little, uh, she got it out of her system.
You know?
She's not fucking around on you.
She's not a whore.
She's making you, uh, not inconsiderate.
What's the word?
Insecure.
You're all right, dude.
Nine.
In this day and age with airborne gonorrhea.
I mean, that's pretty, that's a pretty fucking low number.
And she did it all in Spain, way away from San Diego State University.
Home of airborne, kind of rea, rea, rea, rea.