Name: Bill Burr - Kobe Bryant Walks Off The Floor
Uploaded: 2012-11-26T20:41:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Kobe Bryant Walks Off The Floor' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-11-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Kobe Bryant Walks Off The Floor' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2012-11-26. Transcript available.

Now, how about the West Coast? Did you guys see Kobe Bryant the other night?
I forget who the fuck they were playing. They lost another game.
Things aren't going well out there. So there's 10 seconds left in the game.
You know, there's no way the Lakers can come back. They're down like by eight
or nine or something like that.
So the other team has the ball. They get inbounded. They're at half court.
And they're just standing there dribbling it out. Right.
And you just stand there. You wait. Then the horn blows.
And then everybody just goes and shake hands. Then you go in the locker room.
Well, Kobe, you know, he'd scored 30 points that night and evidently thought he
was God's gift to fucking everything.
He just walks off the court, left his teammates there. Right.
One of the most diva fucking things I've ever seen in my life.
Just fucking walks off court with the whole. Hey, I scored 30 points.
I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you. Totally setting himself apart.
Just an absolute fucking cancer. Right.
So I'm watching ESPN going, hey, let's see what they're going to do is he they
finally going to fucking criticize this guy.
Stephen A. Smith, who I love, who will rip somebody a new asshole whenever it
is deserved.
He goes on and he goes and they go, Stephen A. Smith.
What do you think about that? How he just walked off?
You see Dwight Howard looking at him like, are you serious?
What do you think about that? And Stephen A. Smith was just like, well, Kobe
Bryant has a very high basketball IQ,
which I don't even know what that fucking means. He has a very high basketball
IQ.
So what does that mean? But he can't use a fork.
You know. I mean, the guy has been the best guy in the league for like, what,
10, 12 fucking years.
But whatever. He has a very high basketball IQ. And this is just evidence of
the level of frustration the man is feeling about the current state of the
situation.
I mean, Pau Gasol, he could not hit a shot. He starts ripping all the other
fucking Lakers.
And it's just that's the type of shit I can't fucking stand. Just sitting there
kissing the ass of a fucking star.
Kobe Bryant is a fucking cancer.
The guys, he ran Shaq out of town. You know, they won three fucking titles and
he still wasn't happy.
He goes, right. Go.
Remember that? Shaq. Gone. Goes to Miami. Won a title. There's another one the
Lakers could have got that year.
You know, no, no. Don't want to win. I'd rather have it all be me.
It's all about me. Right.
He should have been benched.
Benched for the first quarter of the next game.
And this is the same guy that they talk about in the same breath as Michael
Jordan, the Magic Johnsons, the Larry Birds.
Let me tell you something. Those guys never would have done that shit. It's
fucking ridiculous.
Fucking ridiculous. That guy.
Can you imagine that? Now you've got to go walk in the locker room after Kobe
just left you out there like, yeah, you guys all suck.
Go fuck yourselves.
And then you've got to walk into the locker room and you, what, you can't say
anything to him?
You know what they should have? They should have fucking gone in there and all
of them just hung him by his fucking shorts.
Give him a big wedgie.
How high would that hook have to be? I mean, what is he, fucking 6'8"?
I mean, what? Give me a fucking, you just walk out?
And then Stephen A. Smith doesn't say anything about it.
He just starts talking about how smart he is at the game of basketball and how
he's really frustrated.
Like the other Lakers aren't frustrated.
Let me ask you this, Laker fans.
How many fucking, this is a great thing about Laker fans too, these fucking morons.
The very next game, we'll be chanting MVP.
A guy who's run coaches out of town, ran Shaq out of town, fucked the team out
of another fucking championship, most likely.
He had Shaq in his prime.
That's another thing too.
This fucking guy has had the Lakers organization.
He has him by the short hairs.
Has him by the fucking balls.
He does whatever he wants to do.
It's embarrassing.
D'Antoni should have sat him.
He should have walked right in the locker room just like, Kobe, what the fuck
was that?
You know, this is a team.
You're not playing the first quarter tomorrow night.
Hey, I don't want to hear it.
Shut your face.
For once in your fucking life.
Do I have to say it in Italian too?
And you know what?
He'd be a better player because of it.
They should have a team meeting and address his cuntiness.
You know?
And you know he'd get all emotional, you know, when he does, when he puckers up
his lips.
You know, like he did when they got beat by the Pistons.
Or he got beaten up in the conference finals.
Or that skank out in fucking Denver said the shit he said about him.
He did that thing with his lips.
That's what he would do.
Yeah, Kobe, you're kind of a cunt.
And he'd start making that face.
Look, the guy's a beast.
He wants to win.
I totally respect that.
You know, you don't do that to your fucking teammates.
And Stephen A. Smith, you know what?
Shame on you.
You have a very high broadcaster IQ.
You know what the fuck he did.
And you know why you didn't hold his feet to the fire.
Then you go out fucking Pau Gasol.
You go after the guy who looks like a giant Kenny Loggins.
Come on.
I don't know.
I don't like that.
I don't like that star-ass kick.
Because you know what happens is if you shit on him, then you can't get the
interviews anymore.
You know what I mean?
Or maybe he played some sort of pickup game at your son's eight-year-old
birthday party.
And you don't want to jeopardize that for the nine-year-old birthday.
There's just something going on there where I was just – I couldn't fucking
believe it.
The fucking guy walks off the court with ten seconds left.
Fuck all you guys.
This wasn't my fault.
It's your fault.
What else could it mean?
You guys take the fucking loss.
You take this embarrassing loss.
I'm above this.
And Stephen A. Smith, hey, he has a very hot basketball – oh, my God.
Disgusting.
It was borderline offensive.
I never get offended.