Name: Bill Burr - Fight Question
Uploaded: 2013-01-01T01:48:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fight Question' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-01-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Fight Question' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-01-01. Transcript available.

Fight question. Bill, so me and this kid decided that we would have a little
boxing match.
That's funny. How quickly before that went from the parameters that you guys
said?
All right, no real hitting here, just kind of body shots. How quickly before it
turned into just
complete anger? Anyways, he said he didn't know that I hated him. Oh, dude, you're
evil.
You're a fucking evil dude. So me and this kid decided that we'd have a little
boxing match.
He didn't know that I hated him. Fuck you, dude. You wanted to beat the shit
out of this kid.
You talked him into it. Just the fact that you said a little boxing match and
you're trying to like tone
down. You and this kid decided that you would have a boxing match, a little
boxing match. He didn't
know that I hated him. So I was determined to rock his fucking dome. But we
start fighting and he's
kicking the shit out of me. That's hilarious. He goes, I finally hit him right
in his temple
and his fat ass gets knocked the fuck out. Um, about a week later, he found out
that he broke
his hand to my face. So he tells all the bitches that he actually won because
he broke, because
he broke his hand and couldn't punch that hard after he broke it. Does that
sound like bullshit
to you? Um, I don't, it kind of seems like you guys all, you both got what you
deserved.
You fucking hated him. So you wanted to fight him. Evidently he's a douche. Um,
so he got knocked out and his hand got broken. He fucked you up a little bit.
And then, uh,
now he's walking around bragging about it. But yeah, it is bullshit. It is
bullshit. You won that
fight. You knocked him out. You, you took what you took his fucking punches,
you know? And then,
uh, I just realized I was being an asshole there. You weren't asking me if
either one of you guys was
the bigger cunt. You're just asking who won the fight. You definitely won the
fight. You definitely
won the fight. And he's fat. So you went in on two different levels. So you, as
far as I see,
you went, you, you got two belts. You got the, uh, the fighting of the boxing
belt and you got the,
um, in better shape than you. So congratulations. You know what you could do?
You could fight him
again. Although you would be risking losing. Cause it sounded like he was
getting the bestie in the
beginning, but you know, why don't you guys do that? Why don't you have your
fucking your,
your trilogy? Maybe he wins the next one. Then you have the rubber match and
then you put it on local
cable access pay-per-view, right? You pet, you charge a little bit of money. No,
you charge tickets.
This is what you do. You got to become friends with that fat douche. All right.
And you do just
what boxers do. You pretend, you know, like you have this animosity, like you
don't have this deal.
Like there's not a big fucking, I mean, you, you really do have the animosity,
but, but like there's
a bunch of money at stake. So you talk a bunch of fucking shit, right? So more
people show up to
the next one. All right. And you take a dive in the next one. You let the fat
fuck beat you.
So now everybody's choosing and you say that he cheated and you say, fuck you.
And then you say,
I beat you the first time. And he says, fuck you. I broke my hand. I could have
won. You build up
to all this big fucking hissy fit. Then you have the rubber match. And only you
guys know that this
one's real. And you charge everybody a dollar. You fucking have it at the local
rec place. Do you
guys even have rec rooms anymore? Are you too busy on your fucking smartphones
playing video games?
Is there, is there a place where you hang out? Then you got that kid in your
grade who already
has a mustache. He buys booze for everybody, right? You charge money for the
booze. Maybe that's what
you do. Somehow you make a little bit of money out of it. And then now for the
rest of time,
when you go back to your high school reunion, it's going to be this awesome
thing that you did,
this fucking entertainment. You know, you might be slurring a little bit, but I
think that would
be great to have your own fucking thriller in Manila. It's my two cents. All
right,
here we go. Hire a ref. Maybe one of your friends works at athlete's foot. So
he already has the
fucking shirt, you know, see what I'm saying? There's a whole wonderful world
out there of
entertainment. If you guys get your faces out of your smartphone, go back to do
what we did when we
were kids. You didn't virtually punch somebody in the head. You did it for real.
You know, I got to go to a doctor. I can't even laugh without coughing anymore.
I sound like a
fucking minor.