Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Lost It To A Famous Guy
Uploaded: 2013-06-18T15:29:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Lost It To A Famous Guy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-06-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Lost It To A Famous Guy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-06-18. Transcript available.

um okay lost it to a famous guy bill my name is jessica holy shit a lady
finally writes in i'm 20 and i live in miami great i've already trashed miami
here
okay so about a year ago i was vacationing in dr is that dominican republic uh
i don't know
and i met a famous person and ended up sleeping with him dominican republic i'm
gonna guess it
was a baseball player did you fuck sammy sosa um he goes he's not very famous
in the u.s
oh okay only in latin america all right ricky martin's gay
um oh is that one of those is that the guy that j-lo is married to i don't
fucking know all right
let's let's plow ahead here point of the story is that ever since that night we've
kept in touch and
i've already seen him three times since then this is really interesting she
goes i've seen him every
time he comes to miami isn't this great being like a hot chick you can like
bang famous fucking people
you know and just not just be like working at kinko's but you're hot and you
can like bang somebody that you saw in a movie
you know as a guy you just we just don't have that option you know good looking
guy you're working at kentucky fried chicken do you think you're gonna bang olivia
wilde i don't think so
um the last time i saw him was this past april we usually go out to clubs while
he's here and i've even met some of his famous friends i'm just a regular girl
so you can imagine how infatuated i am with this guy i am infatuated with this
story
um she goes he's the only person i've ever slept with so you could imagine the
amount of emotion i've invested in this please tell me you made him use a condom
with his around the world dick sorry not trying to ruin the romance here just
trying a little bit of reality
um i've always get i always get sad because i know that things are probably not
going to work
out in my favor besides the fact that he is famous he also lives in a different
country than me he's 10 years
older than me and as a child well that's game set and match right there
sweetheart i think you got to protect
your heart and uh either put him in a place mentally where you're not going to
develop feelings and when
he comes to town you get to have a fun time um but other than that when he
leaves i would try and find
somebody you know that at least lives in this hemisphere i don't know but hey
it's your life all
right he goes i have hope that a relationship she goes i hope um that a
relationship could happen
because i've been lucky enough to have so much to have so much has happened
already in addition he has
plans to move to miami soon we talk once a month or every couple of weeks
through text well listen he
might just be stringing you along um so i would be like look i'm starting to
develop feelings for you and
uh you know i kind of got to cut it off here to protect myself but if you move
to miami then we
can pick up where we left off sound good hola all right i mean that's all that's
halal right
whatever i yeah she goes we talk once a month or every couple of weeks through
text only thing is
i'm usually the one that takes the initiative to text him or see him while he's
here which really
bugs me uh yeah you know what i can't i don't even need to read the rest of
this i'll blow through
the rest at same time he always shows interest in me when we spend time
together remembers everything
yeah you might just be his woman in that in that town i hate to tell you she
goes should i hope for
a relationship with this guy given everything that's happened already no you
shouldn't should i stop
talking to him since i am the one that takes initiative most of the time or
should i be content with
the situation uh yeah he's stringing you along he's stringing you along um i
don't think he's
a bad guy but you're his uh you're his woman in miami so uh sounds like you
want more than that
so as much as his glamorous life is interesting to you in the end it sounds
like you're gonna get hurt
if i had to guess if i had to guess it sounds like you're gonna get hurt so i
would uh i would just
end it you know just stop texting the guy you know that's what i would do just
stop texting him just
be like hey you know when you you when your shiny watch come back to miami if i'm
not in a relationship
you want to hang out down at the ground round let's uh let's fucking do it but
other than that
you know why don't you fucking uh enjoy the world and the pussy that it has to
offer
right i'm sorry i'm being a little crass here but that's basically that's
basically the situation
all right