Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Married Women
Uploaded: 2013-07-01T22:45:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Married Women' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Married Women' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-01. Transcript available.

Married women. Hey Bill, I know what I'm doing is wrong. Oh jeez. I'm a single
guy who became
friends with a married woman at work. Here we go. Devious maids. We have a ton
of stupid
shit in common. We even like the same flavor chips. I know, it's retarded. We
became Facebook
friends. How did you become Facebook friends? Why don't you just be honest with
me. You
saw her. You wanted to fuck her and you knew she was married. You didn't give a
shit. All right. I've been there. Um, here we go. We have, we have like the
same
flavor chips. We became Facebook friends and little by little her messages
starting getting sexual. Yeah. And I'm sure you didn't facilitate that on any,
you,
you, you weren't stoking those fucking flames or whatever the expression goes.
You
weren't fucking blowing on the hot coals at all. Right. You were just sitting
there
talking about earth, wind and fire. And all of a sudden she's like, speaking of
fire,
my pussy is raging right now for your cock to be in it. And you were like, Whoa,
Hey,
where did that come from? I, I was just talking old R and B music. Um, it's at
the
point where she comes right out and told me she wants to fuck me. She's smoking
hot
with no kids. And it's so fucking hard not to do something. It goes against all
my
beliefs, but I can't stop thinking about it. I have a feeling she wants out of
her marriage,
but I don't want to be a homewrecker. Uh, I've also have to see her at work. So
it's extra
hard to tell her, just tell her to fuck off. I listen to you every Monday and
usually tell
guys to whack it and see if the feeling goes away. Well, I already did that and
it didn't
work. I'm just an average attractive guy and want to fuck her. But like I said,
I know
it's wrong. Can you just come to Canada and shoot me in the fucking head? That's
hilarious.
Oh, and he said from Scotland. No, so she's loving that accent. Um, all right,
dude, not
only are you going to be fucking a married woman, it's where you work and the
odds of that coming
out. And once you start fucking somebody at work, as much as you try and keep
it on the
down low, everybody knows they can tell by your body language. Everybody at
work already
knows that you guys want to fuck each other. They already know that. So when
you do fuck,
everybody's going to know that. And then in six months, when you go to get a
raise and you
walk in there and it's either going to be a, you're sitting across the desk
from some other
guy that wanted to fuck her, but didn't. And it's jealous of you. Or B it's a
woman who's
jealous of that hot bitch that you fucked and wants to be as skinny as her and
is actually
annoyed on some subconscious level that you didn't try to fuck her, even though
she wouldn't
have fucked you. Either way, it's going to affect your money. Uh, don't do it.
Don't do
it. Been there, done that. Trust me. Don't fucking do it. It does not end well.
All right.
You don't want that on your resume. It's awful. It's awful. It's an unforgivable
act. Um,
don't do it. All right. You don't want to do it. Your dick wants to do it. And
this
is a great opportunity to be the fucking, to steal from the Seinfeld show, to
be master
of your domain. All right. You don't have to tell her to fuck off. Just say,
listen. All
right. I would love to have sex with you too, but I can't do it while you're
still married.
So when that situation changes, come by and knock on the non-existent door of
my cubicle
and I will put you right on my fucking generic plastic desk that everybody else
has that was
fucking bulk ordered from some staples somewhere. And I'll fuck you in front of
everybody.
And I'll have my fucking old face right over the top of the cubicle and I'll
fuck you right
here at work. But until then, get out of my crib. What movie was that? Get out
of my crib.