Name: Bill Burr - Bike Ride
Uploaded: 2013-07-09T00:01:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bike Ride' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Bike Ride' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-09. Transcript available.

Oh, I started to mention that I went on this bike ride, by the way, and for
those of you who live out here in L.A. or you're coming to visit, you can
actually ride a bicycle all the way up to the Hollywood sign, and it is one of
the hardest bike rides I've ever fucking been on.
You keep seeing the sign, and every time you go around a corner and you just
think, this has to be the last fucking corner before I'm up here, you know, and
it just isn't, and then it isn't, and you just keep fucking going and going and
going.
It was like the ascent, to use a word that's beyond my vocabulary.
You already had to go all the way up the canyon, just get to the beginning of
like, okay, now we're going to get to the summit here, right, to use mountain
climbing shit.
Just that ascent, you already fucking rode like a half hour just to get up
there, and then this ascent is, I swear to God, maybe 20, 25 straight minutes
of, I don't know what it is, 45 degree angle.
It's fucking brutal, it's fucking brutal, and then at some points, especially
right at the end when it gets even like 60 degrees, it's fucking ridiculous,
and I was beyond gasping for wheezing.
I wrote, and I stopped right, you know, where they have the radio antennas, you're
actually above the sign, got off the bike, and grabbed the chain link fence and
was going, whee, ha, ha, ha, ha, for fucking like, five fucking, I thought I
was going to pass out.
But you know what?
I probably knocked off some miles on the capillaries there.
So anyways, well, you know what's great?
As you're going up, there's all these guys dressed like Lance Armstrong coming
down, and they all give you words of encouragement because they just did it,
you know, and I'm going up there on a mountain bike made for a lady.
It's the one I got for Nia that she never fucking rode.
And I love riding women's bicycles, you know?
Like, women's bicycles, they're designed the way guys' bicycles should be.
I always thought they had that reverse.
Well, basically, they shouldn't bang their clit on something metal, although
knowing those psychos, they'd probably fucking enjoy it, you know?
Harder.
The way the woman's bicycle is fucking, like, they're so concerned about their
dresses and you looking up and seeing their clam that, once again, seeing their
clam is, you know, hiding their clam is more important than somebody else's
smashed testes.
I go up there.
It's not like the old school Schwinn one where it went all the way down to,
like, your ankles, but it's angled to the point where I can get my feet down
and old Ricky Bobby are going to be okay, you know?
So I don't have a problem with it.
I have sort of an androgynous bike that I ride.
You know, it's a mountain bike, but it's not a guy's bike and it's not a woman's
bike.
It's kind of, you know, it's a little questionable.
I have the don't ask, don't tell Huffy that I ride.
And I'm not going to apologize for it, you know?