Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Hypocrisy Of The Female Gender
Uploaded: 2013-07-16T01:54:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Hypocrisy Of The Female Gender' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Hypocrisy Of The Female Gender' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-16. Transcript available.

All right. Hypocrisy of the female gender. Oh, geez. Come on, guys. Come on,
ladies. You know what? Women, trash the guys. Let's have this fucking be
balanced here. Fair and balanced. All right. What do we got here? Hypocrisy of
the female gender.
My fucking. My batteries are going to run out here. I got to get through this
one quickly. Hey, Bill, a.k.a. a.k.a. Bill Jazit shot during the summer. That
really has nothing to do with my name. That's just sort of my first name and
then a cum shot. But, you know, you tried. He goes, I'm in a bit of a pickle.
He's got jills. He's got a phallic. Is that a vegetable? It's a pickle, a
vegetable or a fruit.
Well, let's see, Bill. You're planting cucumbers. It's not on a tree. It's in
the ground. It's a fucking vegetable. Look at me, Mr. Fucking Green Jeans here.
Anyways, could be serious. Could be just something that'll blow over. But I'd
like your opinion anyway.
Here we go. A few days ago, while I was getting a coffee, I saw my girlfriend's
best friend kissing a dude that doesn't look like her boyfriend.
But like the rational human being that I am, I thought I asked my girl before I
jumped to any conclusion.
So I asked her if her boyfriend's still her boyfriend. She said yes and asked
why. So I told her what I saw and her reaction is something I didn't expect.
She went silent. So I asked her if she already knew and said and she said yes
and begged me not to tell the guy.
So I said that I'd like to hear your hear this. Wait. So I said that I'd like
to hear the story first.
Oh, my story first. I don't know what the fuck. I'm just going to read it the
way he wrote it.
So I said that I said that I'd like to hear the story first so I can assess how
I want to go about the situation.
I'm sorry. And she refused. So I said, I guess it would be the same way if you
were cheating on me, huh?
You would act the same way and you two would conspire over it.
And she denied that, started crying and said she would never cheat on me.
I told her it was fucking bullshit that she's implying that this cunt of a best
friend has even the slightest legit reason to be a piece of shit.
And I eventually left to go get some air, though it was difficult since she
caused a scene and started screaming down the hall for me.
I love when they do that, right?
Because the second a woman starts screaming in public, the guy's like, at the
very least, a borderline rapist.
All right.
Well, so far, okay, you know, I'm going to just read the rest of this.
He goes, at that point, she was breaking down crying and asked me to come back,
but I was fucking done.
The funny thing is about this, the funny thing about this is I barely even know
the guy.
I met him like twice.
He seems like a cool, down-to-earth guy and all, but I don't really owe him
anything.
Yet, what's happening just triggers something in my mind and I feel like I
should tell him.
Multiple people know his girlfriend is cheating on him and he has no fucking
clue.
I really lost a lot of respect for my girlfriend, but she always talks about
loyalty and how important it is to her
and how she hates cheaters because she knows how it feels to be on the other
end.
What a fucking hypocrite.
When confronted with the situation, head on, she just excuses it and mitigates
it with secret.
What?
She mitigates it with secret court NSA legal reasoning.
So I have to believe.
Oh, no.
Did it cut out?
Is it cutting out?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Something sounds weird.
I think it's still taping, right?
Oh, Jesus.
All right.
Trying to read even faster here.
The fuck is going on with the sound now?
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
There we go.
I'm back.
And I'm back.
This is the worst read ever.
I'm sorry because this is very interesting.
I can't even look at her or talk to her right now.
Just thinking about the way she reacted to all of this still pisses me off.
So what should I do here?
Do I tell him?
I don't know.
Maybe I should just say, fuck him.
He can't save the world, right?
And what about my girlfriend?
She's quick to say cheating's wrong until her and her group are the ones doing
the cheating.
Am I just slowly riding along this shit to eventual heartbreak?
Help me out, Bill, you sexy beast, you.
All right.
Well, there's a lot of variables here.
It's really the cheating girlfriend has put your girlfriend in a position where
she's dragged her into her shit.
You know, where now she has to choose between her friendship to her and her
feelings about cheating.
And I imagine it's her friend.
She loves her and she doesn't want to blow up her life.
I don't know.
I think I think what really needs to happen here is you don't need to get
involved.
I think your girlfriend needs to go to her girlfriend and tell her the
situation that her cheating has put herself in and that she needs to fucking
end it with this other guy and grow up and start acting like a fucking adult
because her piece of shit behavior is affecting your girlfriend's relationship.
And where you never had trust issues.
You know, I'm not saying that your your your thoughts that your current
girlfriend will now cheat on you are unfounded.
But there's two sides to loyalty to where, you know, you can help your friend
move a body.
You know, there's people like that.
Like, you know, this cheater might be stringing your girlfriend along going, I
know I'm just confused right now.
I'm sorry.
I just need I feel like I need something different.
But I still love Mike and I'm trying to I'm just doing a little dick shopping.
I'm sorry I had to see it.
It's like the cock farmers market.
Whatever the fuck she's saying.
Right.
Fuck her friend.
I feel bad for the other dude.
What are you going to do?
I would just sit down with your girlfriend and just be like, look, this is what
this is what I asked to go down.
All right.
You know what, whatever the fuck I just said.
You need to go talk to your girlfriend and tell her that she needs to fucking
clear up her situation because it's affecting my relationship.
OK, grow up, break up with this other fucking guy, you know.
And get on with your life.
That's what I would suggest.
And and but I don't think you're wrong to now be looking at your girlfriend
like what the fuck.
And I never believe when a woman cries when you call him out on shit.
I never do because I don't believe that I don't believe the crying.
As a rule.
Because they can cry on cue like Meryl Streep, you know.
They just they just have access to that emotion and it automatically makes them
the victim.
It makes you feel like you're a bully.
I think you're 100 percent right to feel the way you did.
You might have gone out a little too strong.
I give you an option.
I hope it works out for you.
In the meantime, do you think you're going to marry this girl?
Because if you don't, you're just wasting time.
And this is a great fucking jump off point to get the fuck out of it.
You know, NFL football starts next month.
That money is spending on her going to the movies would look very nice with the
NFL package.
You got a lot of options here, sir.
Good luck to you.