Name: Bill Burr&Jason Lawhead - Advice: Wants To Be A Comedian
Uploaded: 2013-09-03T11:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Jason Lawhead - Advice: Wants To Be A Comedian' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr&Jason Lawhead - Advice: Wants To Be A Comedian' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-03. Transcript available.

need to stop being a nervous cunt billy red face love the podcast uh as soon as
i have a need for
any of the services that are advertising your show i'll make sure i go there
thank you um this
may not rate jesus get to the fucking point i'm dying a slow death working a
day job that isn't
fun anymore the money's great i'm 32 and make a mid six figure salary but like
you i'm not really
motivated by more money i would much rather okay i dream on a daily basis he
wrote that all in a
capital letters about doing comedy full time all right jay this guy's making
mid six figures
he's 32 years old you can have i got 45 minutes you can take it right now give
me the mid six
figures i'm gone uh stand up improv sketch performing writing producing i'd
love to do it all i'd love to
do it all all the time but the flip side of not being motivated by more money
is being motivated by
the fear of not having enough see i'm a nervous cunt as you would say i will do
once you're making
mid six figures and you're 32 years old you're not nervous you're you're also
kind of rational
okay you like that's why you try and start as young as you can because you're
stepping off a curb
rather than a fucking three-story building at this point that you own and have
tenants in um i didn't
start till i was 31 yeah no no no absolutely and what's his face retired um
dangerfield and he came
back i'm not discouraging the guy i'm just saying that he's not but i wasn't
making six figures i don't
think i would have jumped off the curb for that right but he's look he's he's
not nervous is what i'm
saying he's thinking rationally so anyways he goes see i'm i'm a nervous cunt
as you would say with
the new jersey mortgage aka the land of high taxes bills and a three-year-old
daughter i can't bring
myself to cut and run from the corporate country i work in my wife and i have
no debt other than the
mortgage dude that's great that's great man and we generally live below our
income level that's also
great those are two things you need to do which people don't do anymore in the
country you really
need to do that man uh but i don't think we live at or below the income that we'd
have if i stopped
killing myself on a daily basis by commuting to a fucking computer instead of
commuting to a couch with
a laptop and a giant cup of coffee just to work on comedy ship i love shit i
love how he's he's
romanticizing being a comedian yeah although he's kind of right um it's more
coming out your pajamas
with a hangover trying to figure out how to get that fucking whatever you
picked up that night out of
your hotel room and then going downstairs and having a greasy breakfast to
fucking i don't know anyways i
have no frame of reference to know how much money could be made or how long it
would take to make it
and i'm scared shitless that i don't have the talent or the balls or both to
actually get paid
to make people laugh in spite of believing in
all right my friends tell me to practice practice the common shit dude i can
get right to the end of
this all right this is what you got to do you do both don't quit your fucking
job this is what you
do write five minutes of material and go sign up for an open mic and try stand-up
comedy okay that way
if you go up and you eat your fucking balls and you hated it and it was humiliating
and you don't ever
want to do it again you're not going to be sitting at your cubicle going what
if you're going to be
like no i tried it i bombed and i didn't like it now if you go down there and
you go up and even if
you bomb but you still like it you know which is a major fucking sign if you
bomb and you still like
i want to come back then just keep coming back and keep doing that and just
balancing it out
and i but i you need to have a major talk with your wife and just say listen
this is going to kill
me if i never try this i but i promise to you i promise you that there's going
to be no let down
me as a husband or a father here um but there will be you know a couple of
nights a month at first
just to see i just have to know okay and um then if she goes well you're making
mid six figures and
blah blah blah blah blah that's when you start pointing out all the morons that
you listen to
on podcasts that are making fucking money in this business okay and i'm telling
you dude if i can do
it anybody can fucking find a place uh well not anybody you know what i mean if
you have any sort
of fucking talent you can do it jay i've watched you there is one thing i'd
like to say real quick
before you say that because he's mentioned money a couple times like he's like
i and then i don't know
i don't have any frame of reference of how much money i could make if i could
make any or da da da da
the one thing is you can't i don't think you can worry about that going into it
because
you know you see them every day in the clubs in la and everywhere else within
five or seven years
you could be a millionaire and then you know what five or seven years after
that nobody wants to
work you i mean because it's a it's a it's a but then that all goes down to
what he was talking
about and it goes goes all down to that living within your means paying down
your house not
carrying credit card debt like dude i these fucking people doesn't mean that
you could be smart
doing that and then still not there's people dying five years after you were
making a million you know
what i mean in this business in this business but there's people in the nfl in
the nba and in show
business with their own tv shows living paycheck to paycheck because they're
doing the exact same
fucking thing that you do just at a much grander scale and everybody goes how
the fuck could you
fuck that up and you know most people saying that are doing it at their at
their level now
it's look if you if you're not making any fucking money i get living paycheck
to paycheck but
if you know you don't need that extra pair of sneakers you don't need another
flat screen tv you
don't even need a fucking tv there's ways you got to get out in front of it
yeah if when you're young
you got to start building up a fucking nest egg and you got to get on the
internet read some books
figure out how fucking evil the game is so you at least know how it's played so
you can like take on
as little water as you can and you can fucking stay afloat because because you
know there's a lot of
people want to do other things and that they just got a ball and chain around
their fucking neck
and it financially and they just got themselves in this thing so if you're in
that situation just
immediately start fucking dude i would have a yard sale and just start selling
shit downsizing my
life and if i had to take two years off from fucking living the american dream
and just paying
myself down and getting out of that fucking debt i would do it and i would
start over again because
that shit will fucking keep you up at night so i mean this guy talks like he's
like you know he is
financially responsible but but what i'm saying is like just be aware of the
the idea of the money
of it isn't why because you make you got you got to make making mid six figures
and what he's doing
95 of the times you can't go backwards usually well probably what he does for a
living at once he hits
150 a year the next step is 165 to 200 a year that's not the formula in stand-up
comedy you can
make 150 two three years in a row and guess what by year four you're making 45
no but this is the great
thing about stand-up comedy though is or you can make two million no but what's
what's great about
stand-up comedy though is you're never unemployed true you're never unemployed
you're never employed
unless no but unless you you want to uh unless your ego gets in the way where
like say you know
you were selling selling out clubs you know so you're just coming in doing thursday
through saturday
i'm not doing the sunday show if it starts to taper off and they want you to do
the sunday show and
you refuse to do it you start doing that shit rather than being like i got to
get it going again
then then you can get yourself in fucking trouble but like um you know i don't
know how actors do it i
don't know how musicians do it that shit's fucking hard being a stand-up comic
once you start
you know you've established yourself you've made a name for yourself if you
never take your foot off
the gas pedal and you just keep pushing yourself and you keep doing that like
you you can have the
closest thing to job security but even in his world dude like they could downsize
they could fucking
kick him out and then then he's at that weird age so dude this is my advice don't
quit your job but i
would definitely just start doing it and there's nothing wrong if you always
keep your job and you
just do stand-up because you like doing it or you start a sketch group with
your friends you just have
fun um and don't listen to any other comedians who are saying like you're
taking my stage time it
isn't their stage time all right it's an art it doesn't belong to anybody it it's
supposed to make
you happy and other people happy when you do it so that that's what i would do
all right so good luck
to you sir you're not a nervous cunt okay you're a fucking normal human being
stop being hard on
yourself