Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Hairy Situation
Uploaded: 2013-09-10T15:02:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Hairy Situation' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Hairy Situation' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-10. Transcript available.

Um, hairy situation is what this one is called.
All right.
What are you guys thinking?
Hairy situation.
He either did something he shouldn't have done and he's waiting for the other
shoe to drop
or, uh, he hooked up with a beautiful girl who's going, oh, natural.
Oh, Jesus.
All right.
Hey, Bill, funny show.
Great.
That's what he just started with.
No punctuation whatsoever.
Hey, Bill, funny show.
Great.
All right.
Maybe this guy's from overseas.
Or maybe he's down South and you can make that there by land.
Who knows?
He goes, I have a question for your MM podcast.
My girlfriend who I've lived with for the last seven years is starting to
constantly ask me to shave my chest.
Oh, I went the other way.
Oh, you went the other way.
Um, I'm pretty hairy, but not fucking Chewbacca hairy.
Just mainly my chest.
This is not a problem, but sometimes she won't have sex with me until I do.
Whoa.
All right.
That's, that's, uh, okay.
That's red flag.
Number one for me.
Unless you're, you're not perceptive as to, uh, how hairy your chest is.
Uh, it can take over an hour to properly to do properly.
And sometimes I can't be fucked after a hard day's work.
So I just rubbed.
So I just rubbed one out.
I know times change because in the seventies, Harry was sexy, but now every pop
star is starting to look more like a woman.
I swear.
Justin Bieber is prettier than half the women I've banged.
What do you think?
Um, yeah.
That whole manscape looked, I guess is, is supposed to be in.
I have no idea, but, um, I find it odd.
I don't find it odd that your, your girlfriend is asking you to, uh, you know,
maybe trim down your chest a little bit.
But the fact that she won't even have sex with you, um, I don't know what
happened.
Did some pervert with the fucking full, full chest of hair fucking lay down on
top of her and do something to her?
Like, that's kind of weird to me.
Like, how do you think she would feel if you were like, Hey, can you, uh, I don't
know, trim up here or there, or I literally can't have sex with you.
That's kind of fucked up.
She's really making you jump through some hoops there.
Um, so you're either way hairier than you're letting on.
I get women being grossed out by back hair, you know, especially those guys who
have it like up on their shoulders.
And then they just have like the two patches just above the kidney and just
below the shoulder blade.
There's those two, like they got, I don't know, like they got hugged by someone
who jerked off too much.
Um, I would sit down with her and just be like, listen, I'm not going to say I'm
not going to fucking shave my chest, but it's kind of weird to me that if I don't,
you don't even find me sexually attractive.
I mean, what are you, are you having sex with my chest or are you into me?
I mean, I could see if this is a one night stand, you're like, listen, I'm into
this.
I'm not into that.
Do this, do this.
And for the love of God, shut the fuck up.
All right.
And you have your little grocery list on how you need, what you need me to do
to get you there.
I get that.
But if I'm in a fucking relationship with you, you know, that's, that's kind of
a, but you know, you didn't really even ask that.
I don't even know what the fuck you asked me.
It takes you an hour to do it.
Don't they have like those fucking things you can just kind of, I don't know,
that's weird.
That's fucking weird to me.
I would, I would, that would be my biggest concern.
I would be asking her like, what, you can't even have sex with me.
I, you know what, I understand on your face because some women have sensitive
skin, you know, and you know, if you're on top of her missionary style, you
know, pumping away.
If you're out of shape and you're laying your head right down next to her, they
can get a little razor burn on the side of their face.
I understand that.
If you have like, you have like a beard, if you have whiskers, I, I, I fucking
get that shit.
Can I just do that again?
I'm not going to do it because some people that might hurt your fucking ears.
Um, I understand that, but chest hair, why don't you, why don't you come up
with like a, a,
a compromise be like, all right, how about if my chest is too hairy, we still
bang.
I just do it doggy style.
I promise after I get to where I need to go, I won't collapse down on top of
you.
Making you feel like, you know, Burt Reynolds just got out of the pool and is
using you to towel off.
I won't do that.
Okay.
Maybe you could do that or just sit down with her and just be like, listen, I'm
not trying to be a dick here.
What is your issue with Harry chess?
And, uh, cause it's, you know, I, you know, it's one funny.
I'm getting more weirded out by it by then you are.
I'm probably putting bad ideas in your head.
So I'm just going to shut the fuck up.