Name: Bill Burr - Little Lad With Orange Hair
Uploaded: 2013-09-10T15:13:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Little Lad With Orange Hair' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Little Lad With Orange Hair' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-10. Transcript available.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for
Monday, September 9th, 2013.
Is that what year it is? 2013? Absolutely it is.
How's it going? How are you? Did you have a good week?
I'm fucking out of it because I had to get up at 5 o'clock this morning.
And I had to do a bunch of phoners for upcoming shows, you know, answering all
the questions.
Some good, some bad, some repetitive.
But, you know, it's what you do as a professional.
You answer them every time like it's the first time.
So how do you come up with your material?
Is it something you write every day or is it more spur of the moment?
What strikes you as funny?
And then you got to go into it.
Well, you know, I used to write. Now I don't.
I just got a fucking, you know, fucking teardrop coming out of your eye.
But whatever.
Whatever. So here I am.
I'm fucking groggy.
You know, it's you know, it sucks is I used to be a morning person.
I really did. But granted, I also used to go to bed at like fucking nine thirty
ten o'clock at night because when I was a young fella, a little lad with orange
hair running around the playground, trying to get the shit kicked out of me.
Whilst bullying people smaller than me, that's how you did it back then.
Right. You beat the shit out of me.
I can't beat the shit out of you.
I have this awful feeling.
Oh, I'll take it out on that little kid over there smaller than me.
That's the way it was done.
It was the 70s.
There wasn't social networking.
OK, people couldn't get all get on and be like, hey, sign this petition, man.
And let's end the bullying.
It wasn't.
You just had to go to school every day and you fucking took it and no local
news reporter came down and I didn't get to go on the fucking TV with my stupid
freckle phrase, you know, lower bottom lip quivering as I tell the story of
somebody who beat the shit out of me.
Nobody cared.
All right.
That was it.
So anyways, now I'm in this fucking business, so I'm not a morning person.
I used to have a paper with everybody.
I used to get up at the crack of fucking dawn, you know, jump on a bicycle, be
pitch black out in the wintertime, freezing my fucking small balls off.
Pre-pubescent?
How do you say that word?
Fucking balls off.
You know, nostrils sticking together.
And nobody gave a shit.
This is back when a child did that job that nowadays an adult has to do the job,
either because the dollar is so fucking weak or because that Chris Hansen has
everybody so paranoid that there's some pervert with his dick out behind every
goddamn tree out there.
That's why you got fat kids, right?
Did I do a bit about this back in my fucking earlier stand-up days?
I can't even remember.
I'm so tired right now.
But yeah, we used to do that shit.
Parents didn't hover over children, didn't have playdates, none of that shit.
What it was was your mom fed you, and then there would be, you know, she'd get
sick of you right around when, like, the game show started coming on, and then
she would just open the door and just be like, your kids need to go outside.
Go outside.
And you'd just go outside.
And there was other kids that were also banished to go outside, and then you'd
link up.
And then you just went about your business.
You fought, you tied kids to trees, you threw fireworks at them, you played
with matches, you threw shit in people's pools, you vandalized a new house that
was being built.
You know, sweet, innocent fun, like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer.
That's what the fuck you did.
But those days are all gone now.
You keep kids inside, and you feed them.
And you get them big and fat.
That's what you do.
Well, that was the bit.
You get them so fat that they're unfuckable, right?
Isn't that what it was?
I can't remember.
Well, what if there's a pervert who's into fat kids?
You know, there's a lot of holes in my jokes this week, people.
I'm not going to lie to you.