Name: Bill Burr - Email: Ginger Scumbag
Uploaded: 2013-09-24T12:56:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: Ginger Scumbag' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: Ginger Scumbag' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-09-24. Transcript available.

I have the urge to make a pumpkin pie this week.
I want to practice before the holidays.
Ginger scumbag.
Bill, I've been a fan of yours for 15 years.
Okay, so you guys got that?
This guy has been a fan of mine for 15 years.
So for 15 years, this guy has been following me,
enjoying things that I'm doing.
All right?
This guy's locked in for 15 years.
The people that work hard every day and spend their hard-earned cash,
that's kind of redundant, sir.
If you work hard, then you have hard-earned cash.
All right?
If you've got an easy job, then you'd be spending your fucking titty money,
right?
Bill, just read the fucking email.
All right.
Just having fun.
Bill, I've been a fan of yours for 15 years.
The people that work hard every day and spend their hard-earned cash to see you
have been really disappointed.
This is one of the classic things when people complain.
Rather than just complaining for themselves,
they act like they're standing in front of like a zillion people,
and they go,
Relax!
Attention, everyone!
I will send the email and will convey all of your feelings.
Get on with your day.
Relax!
I will handle it.
So evidently, he has like, you know,
all of these people are disappointed in me.
He said,
The people that follow you and made you who you are.
They made me people.
I didn't work hard on stand-up.
I was just standing there.
And they all said,
Hey, you!
We have decided to make you and who you are.
So said it be said.
So said it be done.
He said,
You have made dates all around the country
and then canceled them when Hollywood calls you to do a part.
That's exactly what happened.
I picked up the phone.
I said,
Hello.
They said,
This is Hollywood here.
We're calling you to do a part.
See?
The people that go to your shows and made you,
that made you,
aren't making a tenth of the money that you make,
but they pay to see you.
Hey, ginger boy.
Without these fans,
your illiterate ass would be working at McDonald's at best.
Now, I take offense to that, sir.
Okay?
Without my fan base,
I would not be working at McDonald's,
you son of a bitch.
I would be unloading trucks in a warehouse.
Get it straight.
He goes,
You're a scumbag.
B-A-G-E.
You're a scumbage.
And I hope every fan realizes what you are
and stops going to your shows.
I will never listen to your shows or podcasts again
and will tell everyone to do the same.
You are the typical sellout to Hollywood.
Fucking disappointment.
I know you won't have the balls to read this on your podcast.
Instead, you will read a letter from a 20-year-old guy confused about his
girlfriend's sexuality.
This is the best part here.
You're a real cunt.
Fuck you and everything you do.
That's one of the greatest endings.
One of the greatest endings to any email I ever got.
You're a real cunt.
You're the real deal.
If you tip over your cunt, you see the stamp of approval from the cunt factory.
And then it's just not fuck you.
It's fuck you with everything you do.
Even when I go to the grocery store.
Yeah, that too.
Fuck you when you're picking out apples.
Jesus Christ, sir.
You made me?
Did I have anything to do?
Did I do anything?
Did I work?
Did I not fucking go on stage and eat my balls learning how to do this?
I guess you did.
Listen, I just want to thank you for making me.
Without your hard work of going through, I mean, I can't imagine how many
people live in this country.
I just can't imagine when you're just going through the mug book trying to
figure out who you've decided will become a professional comedian.
And the fact that you also have a day job during the time where I guess you're
grossly underpaid.
I mean, that's just incredible to me.
Sir, what the fuck do you want from me?
Let me ask you this.
OK, if Hollywood called you and asked you to be in a movie.
You're going to say no.
You're going to say no.
All right.
And like you told your mom, hey, listen, ma, don't worry, I'll come over and I'll
clean up your yard this Saturday.
All right.
And then all of a sudden, Hollywood comes to call and says, hey, do you want to
pretend you're a lot tougher than you are and get into a gunfight and get shot?
By, I don't know, whoever your favorite actor is.
You're going to say, no, I have to go.
I got to stick with you've never broken a fucking thing.
You know what?
Fuck that.
Even like a playoff game comes along.
You've never fucking had to change a schedule.
Sir, I had to cancel some dates.
I didn't cancel.
I rescheduled them.
The fuck do you want from me?
You want me to stay in the strip malls for my entire career?
Telling jokes.
I did that.
I'm trying to fucking, you know.
And all these movies do is make more people know who I am so more people come
out to my shows so I can keep writing more hours and having a good time.
All right.
I don't even know why I'm talking to you.
You said you're never going to listen to my shit again.
Right?
Are you a man of your word?
After you're saying I'm not a man of my word, if you're actually listening to
this, then you're a fucking hypocrite.
All right?
What's the matter?
Huh?
Jesus Christ.
You're fucking pissed on your sweatpants this week.
I don't know what the fuck that was all about.
You didn't even say what it was.
You made dates all around the country and then canceled them.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I had one tour I had to move around, and I fucking did the first two dates.
Then I've made up one, two, three cents then and added another one.
That wasn't even on that original tour.
So go fuck yourself.
All right?
All the tickets are honored, and if you can't make that date, you get it refunded.
Jesus Christ.
You know, that tour that I was going to do, I was just going to land in Boise,
you know, jump on a bus and knock them all out in 10 days.
Now, because that whole thing blew up, now I got to get on it.
You know, it's like an extra 10 airplane rides.
You don't hear me bitching, do you?
You fucking cunt.
You're a real cunt.
Fuck you and everything you do.
That was worth it.
That was worth them getting mad.
That's fucking tremendous.
Sir, you know what?
As much as you disappointed me, you're a real disappointment.
You fucking jerk off.
You've liked me for 15 years, one canceled fucking gig, and now you're saying
fuck me and everything I do?
I make that pumpkin pie this week?
You're saying fuck the pie, too?
That's a part of it.
You're saying fuck America if you're saying fuck punk punk and pie.
But I am a real cunt.
You know, I can't argue that.
You know something?
Can somebody please put that on a t-shirt?
You're a real cunt.
Fuck you and everything you do.
Just to have that just out there.
Just written.
That's really tremendous.