Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Interested In Younger Girl
Uploaded: 2013-12-24T05:05:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Interested In Younger Girl' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Interested In Younger Girl' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-24. Transcript available.

All right, here we go. Another creepy email. Yet another creepy email. Interested
in younger
girl of legal age. Okay. Dear Billy Blue Balls. In your last podcast and many
others, you
talked about what you think is an acceptable age gap between people in a
relationship.
Oh, by the way, that, you know, divide by two and add seven that that guy was
taking
credit for. I like to do this. You fucking hack. The French came up with that.
Those stinky,
smelly sons of bitches came up with that one. Um, actually the younger French
people don't
smell. It's the older ones that have just not given into good Lord. Those smelly
menage
a trois. Um, is that you or me? I currently have a moral dilemma that relates
to the topic
in which as a 20 year old, I'm thinking about pursuing a relationship with a
girl who's
16 to when, what, where in the fucking world is she legal? She asked me out
recently and
I'm toiling with the decision as to whether or not I should take her up on her
offer. Uh,
I'd like to know what your thoughts are about this before you jump to
conclusion and start
hating my guts. Let me give you a little backstory where I live. The age of
consent
is 16. So this is a hundred percent legal. You know what? I would do a search
to try to
figure out where that is because you conveniently didn't tell you. But if I did,
I'd end up on
some list because I would be searching where is 16 legal to fuck somebody. If
you go with
the French divide your age in half, that's 10, you add seven, 17, you're coming
in under the fucking
wire. Uh, I'm a very young looking 20 year old. So what? Ralph Macchio ought to
be able to fuck
a 16 year old. What the fuck kind of, Oh my, what, what, when did this become
to the, uh, to catch a
predator podcast? I'm a very young looking 20 year old and can easily pass off
as a high
school student. You fucking creep. If you didn't look at my ID, you'd think me
and this girl are
the same age. She's highly intelligent and very mature. What is mature in your
world? There
aren't just pictures in her book. I know pedophiles like to use this phrase a
lot to justify their
actions, but I can have better conversations with this girl than most girls, my
age and older.
I wait a minute. This is a lady. I just turned 20. And for much of the time, we
are only three years
apart. Okay. Wait a minute. Now you're going to expose me for being a sexist
individual here.
All right. So you're both women.
I, I need, I need, uh, shit. Me is still sleeping. I need a fucking female's
advice here.
You know,
because, uh,
the way you're set up physically, this is how dumb I am.
Okay. And don't judge me here. Help me because of the way you set up physically.
For some reason,
it doesn't seem as bad, you know, that you can't, uh, you're not going to fuck
them.
You know, you're just going to kiss them and pet them lap at them. This is so
fucking creepy.
Um, Oh wait, there's more excuses here. I'm sorry. Um, I just turned 20. And
for much of the time,
we're only three years apart, she's probably much more experienced sexually
than me as she had
previously been in a serious relationship for quite some time. Jesus Christ,
when did this girl start
fucking? And I've never had a relationship that lasted more than a month or two,
never in my entire
life, including grade school. Have I ever had a relationship or gone on a date
with someone younger
than me? This is an entirely new territory. And I guess you can see why I'd be
apprehensive. You keep
painting yourself as the victim. I really liked this girl and she must like me,
but I don't know what
my next step should be. There's no one I can really talk to about this without
them jumping to conclusions.
So any advice you can give me would be help helpful. Thanks Bill and go fuck
yourself. PS,
please come to Saskatchewan. Okay. There we go. Uh, sometime during your
travels, you got fans up here
and we're aching for some high quality standup. Um, all right. Well, what's
weird about this email
is where I live. 16 is not the age of consent. All right. So this is creeping
me out. Um, let me make
sure you are a female. I didn't read that wrong. She's highly intelligent. Sure.
I know. I can only have
a bit of concentration. Yeah. Where did I think that she was a woman?
I'm a very young looking 20 year old and can easily pass off as a high school
student.
If you didn't look at my ID, you'd think me and this girl are the same age.
Where did I think that this was a woman? Am I out of my fucking mind?
Uh, Jesus Christ. Now, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to think. Look,
if you're a guy and
you're going to make this fucking move, uh, it's just, I don't, I can't get out
of the fact that it's
fucking illegal in my world. And I used the French thing cut in half plus seven,
whatever you are,
man, woman, hermaphrodite. Just be like, look, talk to me in 11 months. All
right. When you turn 17
and I guess that's legal up, uh, even more legal. And I don't know. I don't
fucking know. You know,
go make a snowman with them. Uh, her, I don't fucking, I don't, I don't want to
read these anymore.
All right. I don't want to be like giving people, you know, there's a eight
year old down the street
and I'm a young 14 year old. And I was, you know, I don't like doing the stuff
people my age do. I
still like playing with matchbox cars. Fucking creepy. All right. Cut it out.