Name: Bill Burr - Accidentally Racist Emails
Uploaded: 2013-12-24T05:09:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Accidentally Racist Emails' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Accidentally Racist Emails' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-24. Transcript available.

All right, dear Mr. Cuntyface, dear McCuntface, sorry.
The new secretary in my office is a black woman and baked cookies for the
office.
I sarcastically said, I hope you slaved over these all night.
She stared at me and I saw pure evil in her eyes.
The question now is, do I eat one or is it unspoken that they're now off limits
for me?
I don't, well, yeah, you made a joke and it wasn't funny.
I sarcastically said, I hope you slaved over these all night.
Oh, slaved over these all night.
He has like three L's.
Jesus Christ, dude.
I think your question, you should buy a joke book is what you should do.
Maybe watch some stand-up and learn how to deliver.
The only way that could ever be funny is if you knew that person really well
and that was the relationship you guys had.
Like you joked around about shit like that.
But to say that in front of all the people at the office, I don't know what to
tell you.
But you're a selfish cunt and you don't give a shit.
You don't give a fuck about people because all you care about now is, can I eat
one of the cookies or can I not?
You know, and you're probably going to be a terrible father and have awful,
unexamined children.
That's what I get out of all of that.
Yeah, you're one of those people that kind of likes hurting people.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I'm judging you in the paragraph.
But like the person that I'm picturing, I don't fucking know.
Oh, this is all the accidental racist shit here.
That wasn't accidentally racist.
That was on purpose racist.
Because I think if it was funny, it would have been funny.
And I don't, you don't give a shit on any level that you might have hurt that
person's feelings.
All you want is to know is if you can have the cookies.
Yeah, so you're a cunt.
That was nothing accidental about it.
Hey, Billy Goat Gruff.
My white friend used to go to Temple University in Philly years back.
As you probably know, it's a highly populated black area.
Now, how the fuck would I know that?
I guess because I've done shows in Philly, I don't know which areas or what.
Anyways, he was at a house party with this chick and most likely a wee bit tipsy.
They were heading out to leave when his gal realized she forgot her black handbag
in the other room.
Uh-oh.
My friend told her to sit tight and he'll go get it.
He stormed back into the room and yelled out,
Hey, is there a black person here?
The room fell silent.
As he found himself staring in an entire room filled with black people.
When he realized what he said, he quickly snatched the purse, sitting on the
couch and held it up.
And he said, no, no, a purse.
It's a black purse.
Yeah, I don't understand.
What is, uh, how did he offend people?
He said, everybody figured out what he meant and they all laughed.
He slinked out and told all his white friends.
Did you get it, Bill?
Is there a black person here?
Oh, what, like pussy?
Person.
Is there a black person here?
Oh, person.
Ah, is there a black person here?
Ah, that's hilarious.
Ah, I didn't get it.
Hugs and kisses.
That's fucking hilarious.
You know what I love is that you realized I'm too stupid that if I'm reading
out loud, trying not to fuck that, I wouldn't be able to fucking, uh, now you
know what?
That seems too fucking convenient.
Is that an old fucking story?
Did you steal that one too?
Hey, is there a black person here?
Ah, Jesus.
Um, Jesus Christ, people.
Do you not have enough funny stories in your life?
You gotta start making them up.
A group of people from work, including myself, this is all accidentally racist,
racist, a group of four people from work, including myself, were sitting at the
front of the light rail.
Parentheses, above ground version of the subway in North Carolina and drinking
all day at a pub crawl, at a pub crawl.
A group of black people came up to sit behind us and our drunk, ditzy, blonde
coworker says, welcome to the front of the bus.
I gotta tell you something.
That's actually fucking funny.
I think that that's, I don't know.
I think that that's funny.
She didn't mean, oh, she didn't mean it in a bad way.
You guys were just partying and she just said, welcome to the front of the bus.
I gotta tell you, that is fucking hilarious.
That's, uh, that one is fucking hilarious.
Oh my God.
All right.
One of them was funny.
I like it.