Name: Bill Burr and Jay Mohr - Childhood Stories
Uploaded: 2014-01-17T16:26:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Jay Mohr - Childhood Stories' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-01-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Jay Mohr - Childhood Stories' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-01-17. Transcript available.

Hey, that's how I ended up in this business, because there was nothing better
like when school, when there was a fucking snow day, that feeling of fucking euphoria,
that, ah, I don't have to live my life today, you know, it was just fucking
great, I don't have to do any homework, there's no goddamn stress, you know my
dad one time, we had a, we had one of those random day offs, a Wednesday, there
was some sort of teacher conference, teacher fucking thing, and like two of
them show up, God bless them, right, God bless them for showing up, the rest of
them went fucking skiing,
we had this random Wednesday off, so he comes home, we're all jumping around
and stuff, my dad, what's going on, what's going on, and we're like, oh, you
know, we got tomorrow off from school, we don't have to do the homework, blah,
blah, blah, and he goes, he goes, that's not true, that's not true, like, yeah,
the teacher said, he goes, no, I just, I just heard on the radio on the way
back, that on the way home, they said, you guys have school, they were like, no,
no, no, they have, they have a parent's teacher, and he just stayed with it,
and just kept going, no, no, I heard it,
and we were like, oh, what a rip off, so my dad, we believe him, so we went
upstairs, we did our fucking homework, he didn't say shit, we go to bed, wake
up the next morning, do our paper routes, doesn't say shit, okay, get up at
like six in the morning, do these fucking paper routes, we come in, we're
eating breakfast, all right, we got all our books, we're showered, we're ready
to go to school, we fucking walk out the door, he doesn't say shit, we go down
and stand in front of the whole fucking neighborhood, who all knows his day off,
stand under this tree waiting for the bus,
he finally gets in his car to go to work, drives down the end of the driveway,
rolls down the window, waves at us, and drives to work, and left us there, and
with, how long did you wait for the bus?
Until a fucking neighbor drove by with their kids, like, the bus, they're going
to a water park, I don't know where they were going, but they were going like,
you know, there's no school, and they were like, oh, our dad said there was
school, so it made us all look like idiots,
I remember calling up my dad's, the first time I used the F word, and he didn't
care, he was laughing so hard, he had this laugh, like, dying fucking laughing,
as we were, wow, man, I can't believe he didn't fucking,
that is the funniest shit ever, that's such a stand-up, that's, I'm telling you,
that's how I ended up being a comedian, because
right there, like, any other parent, would just have to look at their kid and
be like, all right, man, get back in the fucking house,
but a comedian, drives away, and leaves you there, it's the, like, as the years
go by, the genius of it, it just, it pissed me off when he did it, but that's
the funniest shit,
he just, he, he, he's like, Andy Kaufman, he made his own kids look like we had
something wrong with us, like, we were morons,
we were going to school, there's no, and then they put you in the, uh, position
of, like, someone saying there's no school,
and now you gotta, like, on the fly, go, well, is my dad lying, or is my dad
wrong, so you gotta defend your dad's honor,
but hope he's wrong at the same time, like, you're all mixed up, oh yeah, I
just can't imagine the neighbors just going, like,
how the fuck did they not know, Mr. Burr, I saw your son on the bus stop, with
all his books, your dad just laughing,
that's great, and you're right, that's what separates, but that's why you
wanted to be a comic, because of snow days,
my dad, you don't want to live your life, and that's what you just said, is
everything that comedy,
in one sentence, I wanted to be a comic, because I didn't want to do real life,
because I didn't want
to work, it's the best, I don't, I, I have no desire, that's why I haven't had
guests on my fucking
podcast, because I just looked at it, like, man, that's going to be work, here's
another, here's
another classic one of my dad, my brother was, uh, it was some hot chick down
the street, and she had
this fucking, uh, she had this house party, like, one of those risky ones,
where, hey, my parents are
like, yeah, we'll leave, and we'll be back in, an hour, and fucking ten minutes,
and they try to have
a party, yeah, it was more like, you know, three hours, whatever, they come
home early, and somehow,
my brother's looked upon as the ringleader, and he's running out of the house,
and the guy knows who
he is, my brother's drunk, tells him to fuck off, and all that shit, so he
knows, so my brother
runs home, first grade, he runs home, he's, he's like in high school at this
point, he runs home,
and as he's coming up the house, he's too shit-faced, he sees my parents, you
know, the
lights are on, I can't go in the house, so he's so drunk, he literally just
fucking face
plants in the shrubs behind our house, right by the side door, and here's the
phone ring,
and he knows who it is, and it's the fucking dad down the street, calling up
about my drunk
brother, and my dad picks up the phone, and he just goes, hello, and he hears
the guy
talking, I was like, what are you talking about? And my dad just starts, that's
not true,
that's not true, I just talked to him, he just starts covering for my brother,
he was sober, he was sober, no sir, and he gets in this big argument with the
guy, and
my brother's laying on his back in the mulch, laughing his ass off, and then
just going
like, what a fucking great guy, like totally covered for my brother, what was
your dad's
name?
Huh?
I don't, I don't put all that shit out there and everything, but this guy's a
legend,
yeah, he just doesn't, he does, he would just, I just spoke to him, how dare
you?
Yeah, and so that became a catchphrase between all the kids, whenever we would
disagree with
you, you just go, no sir, no sir, because that's what he was doing, as this guy
was saying like,
Did your brother still get in trouble from your dad, or was your dad just like,
boys will
be boys?
No, I think he then just sat down, dude, I got a bunch of classic ones, there
was one
time, God, how do I say this, I'll get my brother in trouble, the statute of
limitations,
he, my brother, maybe or maybe not, it's already great, vandalized, there's
another brother,
vandalized part of the school, so, I think you're going to go into like rape,
you're like,
I don't know, statute of limitations, man, no, no, he may or may not have dented
a locker,
hey, look, I come from this family tree, you keep your fucking mouth shut no
matter what,
so, anyways, so, don't talk to Tony, don't talk to Tony, Tony's got a big
fucking mouth,
we're going to handle that problem down there in Florida, so, whatever, they
knew he did
it, and him and his friends somehow intimidated his entire grade to not rat
them out, so they
went down to the principal's office, and the principal's office is going, I
know you did
it, and he's trying to yell at him, blah, blah, blah, and they just sat there
stone-faced
going, no, we didn't do it, we didn't do it, then they did the old, they
separated, and
then he's yelling at my brother, you did it, and my brother's like, I didn't do
it, oh,
yeah, well, your friend in there just dropped dime on you, my brother didn't
fall for it
or anything, so, finally, the last-ditch effort, the next day, my brother gets
up, he's going
to school, and the principal, the principal calls my dad, my dad picks up the
phone, he's
like, hello, and it's funny, because he liked old stuff, so we had this old,
like, it was
a new phone inside, but on the outside, it's literally, you hold the thing up
to your ear,
my dad's on this thing, so my dad's on the phone, picks it up, he's like, hello,
he goes,
this is he, okay, all right, he goes, what do you mean you know he did it, but
you can't
prove it, and then you hear the guy talking, my dad's going, oh, Christ, I don't
have time
for this shit, and he just fucking hung up on the guy, and my brother drove out,
he went
to work, my brother said he got on the bus, he was in junior high, and when he
pulled up
to the school, the principal was standing outside of the school, like, rubbing
his forehead,
because he was beat, we, we, I had no such willpower whatsoever, I'll never do
time, because
I'll roll on the whole neighborhood, first time they asked me, I'll be like, it
was Bill
Burr, Bill Burr did it, we were at, we were at a bar in New Jersey, when we
were kids, we
would have rolled on each other, and then as you get older, like, when I moved
to Manhattan,
and I lived on 43rd, West 43rd Street, and it was all, like, Westies, and all,
like,
the fire station, you realize, isn't only a fire station, it's like, hey, JJ,
you going
down, where are you going, your manager's office, will you drop this package
off for me, I don't
know why they have Boston accents on West 43rd Street, and I'm like, sure, and
then you
come back, like, two hours later, and they're like, JJ, did you do that thing
with the package,
you're like, yeah, and they're like, what was in it, and you're like, oh, I don't
know,
I didn't open it, and they're like, ah, yeah, good job, good job, so I go back
to Jersey, and I remember, actually, I was in high, I was a senior in high
school when
we realized, like, oh, like, don't, you don't tell, like, it took it, we were
idiots, nobody
wanted to get in trouble, because we were really, like, fucking pussies, and
then I played baseball
in high school, and the baseball coach was the lieutenant, there's one
lieutenant, excuse
me, detective, there's one detective in my town, such a small town, it's like a
thousand
people in my town, Doug Huber, and he was a detective, and he was a great guy,
and he
coached our baseball team in high school, and then we all would go to the Verona
Inn and
drink, and we were all underage, and some guy came from, like, Cedar Grove,
which is
like the arch rival, and they just fucking beat the shit out of him, someone
stabbed him
with, like, a pocket knife in his legs, and Doug Huber came in and goes, what
happened here,
and everybody said, everybody, like, the bar owner, the grown-ups, and, like,
the teenagers
all said, I was in the bathroom, and I remember, like, going, holy shit, and,
like, the revelation
at that moment to realize, this will actually work if we all just hold the
company line, like, it was
the first, and I'm, like, a senior in high school, and I, then Doug Huber gets
me alone, he goes, I've
known you a long time, JJ, just tell me what I, I go, I was in the bathroom,
Doug, and he goes, who's
in the bathroom with you, I said, I was in the bathroom, and then he literally,
like, broke it
down, like, person to person to person, and goes, when, how long were you in
the bathroom, and he
goes, I don't know, I was in the bathroom, like, this shit went on, we were
there until, like, the sun
came up in this bar, and then, six months go by, we're playing tournament
baseball, and
I think we were at West Essex High School playing baseball, and I'm hitting
leadoff, and
I hit a leadoff double, and the, Doug Huber, the detective, who's also the
coach of the
baseball team, goes, time, time, and he just starts jogging out towards, like,
the third
baseline, we're in the visitor dugout, and he goes, JJ, and I'm like, all right,
I guess
we're switching the sides up, he goes, when do you go have a seat, and he's
like, I don't
know, Joe Martin, go, you know, he switches out, and there's a new guy in
second
base, and I'm just sitting on the bench, like, I'm not, I don't even know what
the
fuck just happened, so, like, three innings go by, I go, coach, and he goes,
yeah, how
you doing, I go, why did you pull me, he goes, I don't know, I was in the
bathroom, fucking
six months, that guy sat on that shit, and that was the only way he could get
it, did you
laugh, no, because I got real, I, because by then, I'd forgotten the whole
thing happened,
and I thought, like, oh, like, I thought then, I got scared, yeah, I was a
scared
kid, I was alone a lot, nobody ever told me shit, like, you had brothers, at
least,
to go like, no, that's not what you do, you go up to the guy and tell him,
watch your fucking
mouth when you're around my sister, or whatever, like that, I was just alone on
my bike, and
you know what I would do, I'd take my bike two towns over, because nobody knew
who I
was, and I could just recreate a new identity, like, hi, I'm Mike Majors, I
just moved, and
they're like, which house, and I'd be like, yeah, right around, I'd be like, De
Niro,
Goodfellas, not right in there, that's my ass, right in there, and I would just
make
up, like, some new identity for the day, and play with new kids, Mike Majors,
that was
my fake name, no, believe me, dude, I, like I said, I stopped fighting, getting
into fights,
like, somewhere in sixth grade, maybe seventh grade, the kids were just way too
big, and
I totally got psyched out and intimidated right quickly after elementary school,
and I went
more to the funny thing, so yeah, I wish I fought more, like, my dad never
taught me
to fight, or always said, tell the teacher, and he didn't realize, like, tell
the teacher,
are you out of your fucking mind?
Which is the responsible, as far as, like, you know, to tell a kid, you don't
want to
tell a kid to beat the shit out of another kid, you tell a four-year-old, tell
the teacher,
you tell a 12-year-old, let's go down in the basement, you lead with the jab,
circle away
from the power hand, and then the cross right, you just gotta end this, because
it's never
gonna end, but what they, they, they always forget, like, how much, what, how
that's
gonna reflect on you, and then they always just say, well, you shouldn't care
what people
think about you, is it true, and then, no, well, if it's not true, it shouldn't
bother
you, yeah, then he's not a real friend of yours, and then they just send you
into this
fucking gauntlet, and even, and even if it's not that bad and ass-kicking, it's
the fact
that it's your entire life, and shame, that it's your existence, that, you know,
it's
like, it's like, yeah, mom, how would you, if you went to work and got the shit
kicked out of you every day, well, they're just not your real friends, mom,
take a different
way to your cubicle, you know?
None of us knew we could fight, when I was a junior in high school, we were in
the wrestling
room, and there was this kid, Pete Bush, who was pretty much an albino, like, I'm
not,
I don't have the, I don't have the card that anybody signed off on it, but he
was pretty
much an albino, and he had, like, thick, thick, thick, thick, like, glasses all
day long,
but on the mat, the guy was a fucking savage animal, and yet, no, you know what,
he couldn't
have been an albino, because he got accepted to West Point, I'm pretty sure albino
would
not accept an albino, I'm pretty sure West Point has a no albinos policy, sorry,
but
he looked like one, I've never seen one, I've never seen an albino, I don't
think you can
be out there, at least don't, when the president shows up, he's not part of
that line that's
standing at attention, flipping the guns around, never, no, I don't think you
can be an albino
at West Point, so, I got him up in the tower, but he looked like, yeah, that's
where he,
that's where he needs to be, shaded, he looked like an albino, and he was, like,
a weird guy,
didn't really talk, he was, like, he was a genius, he got accepted to West
Point, and
then one day, like, this big fucking football guy was just hand-pecking the
shit out of him,
and Pete Bush wrestled, like, 118 pounds, and his other kid was, like, 220, and
Pete Bush
turned around, shot a double leg, took the guy's legs out from under him, and
then just
sat on his chest, like, just punched the shit out of him, and we were all, like,
laughing,
like, did you fucking see what Pete Bush did, like, how lucky he got, how funny
it was, and
we thought it was funny, and our wrestling coach, Jim Sauer, goes, you guys
think that's funny?
You guys don't even know what you've been doing in here your whole lives,
learned how to fight,
are you fucking idiots? What do you think, some fucking big, fat, offensive
tackle's gonna
take out a guy that's been practicing takedowns for the last eight years? Get
your heads
out of your asses! Like, he screamed at us. He goes, of course he knows how to
fight,
he's a fucking wrestler, and he was, like, cursing like that, and we're all,
like, at
that moment, we're all, like, holy shit, like, you can use these takedowns,
like, out there?
Out there, just on a mat, in, like, a queer singlet. Yeah, you meet some guy in
a mall
who wants to go at it, and you punk out and give him your wallet, but if there
was a mat,
you'd be like, all right, and you have your little earmuffs things on, so you
don't-
Yeah, but all fights, what you're saying is true, but all fights, and MMA, like,
it all winds
up on the ground. If you're in a fight in the parking lot between two parked
cars, I'm sorry,
if I get to a knee, that shit is over. I don't care how fucking big you are.
Unless
you wrestle too, then you probably beat me up. That's why I have no, I have
just fury. I
go for about 18 seconds, and then you got me, then I'm wheezing.

Bill Burr and Jay Mohr -  Childhood Stories

Hey, that's how I ended up in this business, because there was nothing better
like when school, when there was a fucking snow day, that feeling of fucking euphoria,
that, ah, I don't have to live my life today, you know, it was just fucking
great, I don't have to do any homework, there's no goddamn stress, you know my
dad one time, we had a, we had one of those random day offs, a Wednesday, there
was some sort of teacher conference, teacher fucking thing, and like two of
them show up, God bless them, right, God bless them for showing up, the rest of
them went fucking skiing,
we had this random Wednesday off, so he comes home, we're all jumping around
and stuff, my dad, what's going on, what's going on, and we're like, oh, you
know, we got tomorrow off from school, we don't have to do the homework, blah,
blah, blah, and he goes, he goes, that's not true, that's not true, like, yeah,
the teacher said, he goes, no, I just, I just heard on the radio on the way
back, that on the way home, they said, you guys have school, they were like, no,
no, no, they have, they have a parent's teacher, and he just stayed with it,
and just kept going, no, no, I heard it,
and we were like, oh, what a rip off, so my dad, we believe him, so we went
upstairs, we did our fucking homework, he didn't say shit, we go to bed, wake
up the next morning, do our paper routes, doesn't say shit, okay, get up at
like six in the morning, do these fucking paper routes, we come in, we're
eating breakfast, all right, we got all our books, we're showered, we're ready
to go to school, we fucking walk out the door, he doesn't say shit, we go down
and stand in front of the whole fucking neighborhood, who all knows his day off,
stand under this tree waiting for the bus,
he finally gets in his car to go to work, drives down the end of the driveway,
rolls down the window, waves at us, and drives to work, and left us there, and
with, how long did you wait for the bus?
Until a fucking neighbor drove by with their kids, like, the bus, they're going
to a water park, I don't know where they were going, but they were going like,
you know, there's no school, and they were like, oh, our dad said there was
school, so it made us all look like idiots,
I remember calling up my dad's, the first time I used the F word, and he didn't
care, he was laughing so hard, he had this laugh, like, dying fucking laughing,
as we were, wow, man, I can't believe he didn't fucking,
that is the funniest shit ever, that's such a stand-up, that's, I'm telling you,
that's how I ended up being a comedian, because
right there, like, any other parent, would just have to look at their kid and
be like, all right, man, get back in the fucking house,
but a comedian, drives away, and leaves you there, it's the, like, as the years
go by, the genius of it, it just, it pissed me off when he did it, but that's
the funniest shit,
he just, he, he, he's like, Andy Kaufman, he made his own kids look like we had
something wrong with us, like, we were morons,
we were going to school, there's no, and then they put you in the, uh, position
of, like, someone saying there's no school,
and now you gotta, like, on the fly, go, well, is my dad lying, or is my dad
wrong, so you gotta defend your dad's honor,
but hope he's wrong at the same time, like, you're all mixed up, oh yeah, I
just can't imagine the neighbors just going, like,
how the fuck did they not know, Mr. Burr, I saw your son on the bus stop, with
all his books, your dad just laughing,
that's great, and you're right, that's what separates, but that's why you
wanted to be a comic, because of snow days,
my dad, you don't want to live your life, and that's what you just said, is
everything that comedy,
in one sentence, I wanted to be a comic, because I didn't want to do real life,
because I didn't want
to work, it's the best, I don't, I, I have no desire, that's why I haven't had
guests on my fucking
podcast, because I just looked at it, like, man, that's going to be work, here's
another, here's
another classic one of my dad, my brother was, uh, it was some hot chick down
the street, and she had
this fucking, uh, she had this house party, like, one of those risky ones,
where, hey, my parents are
like, yeah, we'll leave, and we'll be back in, an hour, and fucking ten minutes,
and they try to have
a party, yeah, it was more like, you know, three hours, whatever, they come
home early, and somehow,
my brother's looked upon as the ringleader, and he's running out of the house,
and the guy knows who
he is, my brother's drunk, tells him to fuck off, and all that shit, so he
knows, so my brother
runs home, first grade, he runs home, he's, he's like in high school at this
point, he runs home,
and as he's coming up the house, he's too shit-faced, he sees my parents, you
know, the
lights are on, I can't go in the house, so he's so drunk, he literally just
fucking face
plants in the shrubs behind our house, right by the side door, and here's the
phone ring,
and he knows who it is, and it's the fucking dad down the street, calling up
about my drunk
brother, and my dad picks up the phone, and he just goes, hello, and he hears
the guy
talking, I was like, what are you talking about? And my dad just starts, that's
not true,
that's not true, I just talked to him, he just starts covering for my brother,
he was sober, he was sober, no sir, and he gets in this big argument with the
guy, and
my brother's laying on his back in the mulch, laughing his ass off, and then
just going
like, what a fucking great guy, like totally covered for my brother, what was
your dad's
name?
Huh?
I don't, I don't put all that shit out there and everything, but this guy's a
legend,
yeah, he just doesn't, he does, he would just, I just spoke to him, how dare
you?
Yeah, and so that became a catchphrase between all the kids, whenever we would
disagree with
you, you just go, no sir, no sir, because that's what he was doing, as this guy
was saying like,
Did your brother still get in trouble from your dad, or was your dad just like,
boys will
be boys?
No, I think he then just sat down, dude, I got a bunch of classic ones, there
was one
time, God, how do I say this, I'll get my brother in trouble, the statute of
limitations,
he, my brother, maybe or maybe not, it's already great, vandalized, there's
another brother,
vandalized part of the school, so, I think you're going to go into like rape,
you're like,
I don't know, statute of limitations, man, no, no, he may or may not have dented
a locker,
hey, look, I come from this family tree, you keep your fucking mouth shut no
matter what,
so, anyways, so, don't talk to Tony, don't talk to Tony, Tony's got a big
fucking mouth,
we're going to handle that problem down there in Florida, so, whatever, they
knew he did
it, and him and his friends somehow intimidated his entire grade to not rat
them out, so they
went down to the principal's office, and the principal's office is going, I
know you did
it, and he's trying to yell at him, blah, blah, blah, and they just sat there
stone-faced
going, no, we didn't do it, we didn't do it, then they did the old, they
separated, and
then he's yelling at my brother, you did it, and my brother's like, I didn't do
it, oh,
yeah, well, your friend in there just dropped dime on you, my brother didn't
fall for it
or anything, so, finally, the last-ditch effort, the next day, my brother gets
up, he's going
to school, and the principal, the principal calls my dad, my dad picks up the
phone, he's
like, hello, and it's funny, because he liked old stuff, so we had this old,
like, it was
a new phone inside, but on the outside, it's literally, you hold the thing up
to your ear,
my dad's on this thing, so my dad's on the phone, picks it up, he's like, hello,
he goes,
this is he, okay, all right, he goes, what do you mean you know he did it, but
you can't
prove it, and then you hear the guy talking, my dad's going, oh, Christ, I don't
have time
for this shit, and he just fucking hung up on the guy, and my brother drove out,
he went
to work, my brother said he got on the bus, he was in junior high, and when he
pulled up
to the school, the principal was standing outside of the school, like, rubbing
his forehead,
because he was beat, we, we, I had no such willpower whatsoever, I'll never do
time, because
I'll roll on the whole neighborhood, first time they asked me, I'll be like, it
was Bill
Burr, Bill Burr did it, we were at, we were at a bar in New Jersey, when we
were kids, we
would have rolled on each other, and then as you get older, like, when I moved
to Manhattan,
and I lived on 43rd, West 43rd Street, and it was all, like, Westies, and all,
like,
the fire station, you realize, isn't only a fire station, it's like, hey, JJ,
you going
down, where are you going, your manager's office, will you drop this package
off for me, I don't
know why they have Boston accents on West 43rd Street, and I'm like, sure, and
then you
come back, like, two hours later, and they're like, JJ, did you do that thing
with the package,
you're like, yeah, and they're like, what was in it, and you're like, oh, I don't
know,
I didn't open it, and they're like, ah, yeah, good job, good job, so I go back
to Jersey, and I remember, actually, I was in high, I was a senior in high
school when
we realized, like, oh, like, don't, you don't tell, like, it took it, we were
idiots, nobody
wanted to get in trouble, because we were really, like, fucking pussies, and
then I played baseball
in high school, and the baseball coach was the lieutenant, there's one
lieutenant, excuse
me, detective, there's one detective in my town, such a small town, it's like a
thousand
people in my town, Doug Huber, and he was a detective, and he was a great guy,
and he
coached our baseball team in high school, and then we all would go to the Verona
Inn and
drink, and we were all underage, and some guy came from, like, Cedar Grove,
which is
like the arch rival, and they just fucking beat the shit out of him, someone
stabbed him
with, like, a pocket knife in his legs, and Doug Huber came in and goes, what
happened here,
and everybody said, everybody, like, the bar owner, the grown-ups, and, like,
the teenagers
all said, I was in the bathroom, and I remember, like, going, holy shit, and,
like, the revelation
at that moment to realize, this will actually work if we all just hold the
company line, like, it was
the first, and I'm, like, a senior in high school, and I, then Doug Huber gets
me alone, he goes, I've
known you a long time, JJ, just tell me what I, I go, I was in the bathroom,
Doug, and he goes, who's
in the bathroom with you, I said, I was in the bathroom, and then he literally,
like, broke it
down, like, person to person to person, and goes, when, how long were you in
the bathroom, and he
goes, I don't know, I was in the bathroom, like, this shit went on, we were
there until, like, the sun
came up in this bar, and then, six months go by, we're playing tournament
baseball, and
I think we were at West Essex High School playing baseball, and I'm hitting
leadoff, and
I hit a leadoff double, and the, Doug Huber, the detective, who's also the
coach of the
baseball team, goes, time, time, and he just starts jogging out towards, like,
the third
baseline, we're in the visitor dugout, and he goes, JJ, and I'm like, all right,
I guess
we're switching the sides up, he goes, when do you go have a seat, and he's
like, I don't
know, Joe Martin, go, you know, he switches out, and there's a new guy in
second
base, and I'm just sitting on the bench, like, I'm not, I don't even know what
the
fuck just happened, so, like, three innings go by, I go, coach, and he goes,
yeah, how
you doing, I go, why did you pull me, he goes, I don't know, I was in the
bathroom, fucking
six months, that guy sat on that shit, and that was the only way he could get
it, did you
laugh, no, because I got real, I, because by then, I'd forgotten the whole
thing happened,
and I thought, like, oh, 