Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Basic Travel Advice
Uploaded: 2014-02-04T14:56:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Basic Travel Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-02-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Basic Travel Advice' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-02-04. Transcript available.

All right. Basic travel advice. Good morning to our fearless leader, Sir Billiard
of Bald. I am 24. I'm a 24 year old and me and the wife are taking a trip to
Chicago. Wanted some advice on a couple of things. Neither of us has ever
planned on has ever been on a plane before.
You are a frequent flyer, so I wanted to know exactly what we can expect at the
airport. When to be there, what clothes to prepare to take off, at what time,
problems we will most likely run into, etc.
Jesus Christ, dude. All right. Well, go ahead and pack and then take a third of
that stuff and throw it over your fucking shoulder because you're never going
to wear it.
Depending on how long you're leaving, if it's just a weekend, I would go with
the carry on. If it isn't, I would check everything.
Walk onto the plane with a couple of magazines and order a drink and watch and
just enjoy watching everybody else fighting, you know, for that overhead space.
Fuck them. That would be my advice. And also just know that your wife is going
to bring half the fucking house and it's not worth telling her that she's not
going to need it.
All right. The only thing worse than having to pay for extra bags is watching
her cry that there's nothing to wear and then having to go downstairs to the
fucking lobby mall there and pay 10 times the price to get her a fucking dress.
All right. Number two. Best places to eat there. Best burgers, slice of pizza,
personal favorite, too.
I would like to add that I am milk white and redheaded like you. So a place
that is not in this stabby, stabby, muggy, muggy part of town would be
preferred.
Really wanting some advice from an experienced vet. Thanks and go fuck yourself.
I don't know where the best places are to eat in Chicago. Like I visit there
and I just eat at the closest place and then I go and do my show.
According to Jim Croce, the south side of Chicago is the baddest part of town.
But if you go down there, you better best beware of a man named Leroy Brown.
And I believe he has a custom Continental and he has a Cadillac, too.
He got a 32 gun in his pocket full of fun. He got a razor in his shoe right on.
And he's bad, bad.
I don't know where to fucking eat there.
All I know is that what you should do, you can find all of that out on a
website.
One of those foodie fucking websites.
They'll tell you where to go.
So but those foodie things can be wrong.
A lot of the times what you want to do is ask a local.
Wherever you stay.
Just find somebody who has a heavy Chicago accent and just say, listen, I'm a
tourist.
I don't want to go to the touristy place.
Where do you go to get whatever the fuck you're looking for?
You want a pizza, you want a burger, and that guy will tell you.
All right?
That's the way to do it.