Name: Bill Burr and Paul Virzi - Advice: Am I A Whore?
Uploaded: 2014-03-18T15:34:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Paul Virzi - Advice: Am I A Whore?' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr and Paul Virzi - Advice: Am I A Whore?' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-18. Transcript available.

Am I a whore? Hey there, Billy Fatface. Fuck you, I've been on the treadmill.
I am a senior in high school and might be a whore.
I know you're the lean, mean, red-headed machine when it comes to calling out
whores, so I'll let you be the judge.
Listen, I don't fucking judge you here.
Alright, my ex-boyfriend, who is a year older than me, left for college at the
end of last year.
He goes to University of Washington, a decent leap from Arizona.
Where we went to high school.
We broke up after dating just over a year because we ultimately agreed that a
long-distance relationship would suck for both of us.
Plus, I eventually knew I'd be plagued with the thought of him balls deep in
some artsy whore and it would get to me.
This girl's hilarious.
However, when we visited this for his winter break about six months later, I
came on to him again.
He initially didn't want to get back together because he knew he was leaving
and thought I'd be hurt in the long run, but quickly gave in.
We were basically dating again for the entire three-week break he was here,
holding hands in public and going on dates where one of us would pay or the
other.
What do we got here?
Finally, we left without any incident, but it felt like we kind of flashed back
to our heavily involved relationship.
Here's where things start to get sleazy on my part.
His friend Devin – uh-oh.
Oh, boy.
Was always around – oh, boy.
Hopi.
Oh, boy.
His friend Devin was always around when we were dating, trying to insert
himself into things when my ex and I would hang out.
My ex thought it was creepy and shut him down, but ever since he left, I've
been hanging out with Devin a lot.
Oh, how could you do this?
Oh, the dicks in the world.
You're going to jump on this one.
Which wouldn't make you a whore.
It just kind of makes you like – you could have had a better selection here.
Here we go.
I spent Valentine's Day with him, and then she writes, oh, jeez, jeez.
But nothing happened, and I sent my ex a picture to see what his reaction would
be.
Yeah, see, that's what she's doing.
It upset him, and he told me that it really pissed him off and was comparable
to cheating.
Later this month, I went to a formal event with him and posted a picture on
Twitter.
I texted my ex later that week, and he told me it was really pissing him off
how I dragged him back into having feelings for me
and then rubbed my proverbial dick in his face.
I apologize, but ever since then, he seemed kind of pissed at me and not
interested in talking to me.
What do you think there, Billy boy?
Am I a dirty whore, and is his anger justified, or is he just being a jealous cunt?
Love the podcast.
Thanks, and go fuck yourself.
You're not a whore.
You're not a dirty whore.
What you are is you're being a really mean person because you don't know how to
express the fact that you still have feelings for him.
So you dragged him back into it, and maybe you didn't want to break up with him,
or maybe you thought you did,
and now you're having second thoughts about it, and rather than just saying
that to him,
the pain you have that you're not together, you're now sort of, for some reason,
taking it out on him
by doing everything that you know is going to tear his heart out of his chest.
So you need to stop doing that.
That's what I would say.
Yeah, that's exactly like it's like just nobody.
How come nobody just picks up the phone and says, hey, like, keep sending the
poor guy pictures and fucking doing that to him?
There's no reason.
Well, look, they're young.
They're young.
You don't know.
You don't know how to do stuff like that, and sometimes you're doing shit,
and you don't know why you're doing shit because you don't know who you are yet.
So I'm not judging this person.
I'm just saying what you're doing is really unnecessarily mean.
But one thing that's not brought up, what about Devin's feelings?
I know he must really seem to care for her.
No, but, like, there's two guys getting fucked.
She's sending pictures.
I don't know.
Just, I mean, yeah.
Listen, without a doubt, Devin, Devin's not a good dude.
Because it's his friend.
It's his friend.
Yeah.
It's his friend.
And he was trying to move in on it when they were still together.
So that guy, you know, it's weird.
You know who's going to lose in all of this is going to be you because you're
with this creep.
This guy's a fucking creep.
Or maybe he's just young.
Well, you don't know.
They're all young.
You don't know he's a creep.
Maybe he always had feelings for her and the other guy didn't treat her.
We don't know.
I just went with creep as she said that her ex-boyfriend said it was creepy.
I don't fucking know, Paul.
What am I going to solve the problems of fucking 18 and 19-year-olds?
I can't do this.
All right.
Look.
Yeah.
Stop doing that to him.
Stop posting.
I mean, come on.
Stop sending pictures.
And you're acting like you don't know what you're doing, at least as far as,
like, hurting the person.
You're hurting them and you should stop.
And if you don't, then you're a mean person.
But you're not a whore.
She's not a whore.
No, that's not a whore.
That's not a whore.
What is a whore to you, Paul?
If she sent pictures while she was blowing Devin, I mean, that'd be a little
fucking much.
You know?
But even then, as you get older, when you start to think of the psychological
reasons as to why a woman would do that, you know?
And it always goes back to some sort of family issue that they would do that,
some sort of insecurity and, you know, having no boundaries.
A lot of times when something like that happens, you got touched as a kid.
I'm kind of paraphrasing some of the shit that I've heard some experts talk
about.
No, I just think a whore, when I think a whore, I think of using sex, you know,
doing sexual things or using sex in order to gain and do stuff like that, you
know, to get yourself ahead through sex.
Right.
And I would actually say that that's more of a sociopath who just happens to be
using, you know, sex rather than using a gun or a knife or something like that.
They're just going up.
They're using the weapon that they got.
Are all whores sociopaths?
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I would say, I would say, no, not at all.
I would say that, you know, men and women who have a bunch of fucking partner,
different partners or something like that, the older I get, they're not like
dogs and whores and stuff like that.
Like they have, there's something wrong with them beyond, look, there's
something wrong with fucking being married and this is the only person you're
ever going to have sex with again.
I mean, that's just, there's something not fucking natural about that.
But the other side of that is to just walk around fucking everybody, just
fucking everybody.
Then there's something, there's something wrong about that.
But what I'm doing is also, you know, my opinion is, is I'm coming, I'm looking
out my own head here, how I would feel.
I remember, you know, I was out dogging around.
I would always feel like a piece of shit on some level, past a certain age,
your 20s, you're like psyched, like, yeah, I got another one, right?
In your 30s, it starts to get, it starts to get sad, starts to get pathetic.
So I wouldn't say you're a whore.