Name: Bill Burr - Turkey Shot Down Syrian Plane
Uploaded: 2014-03-25T13:02:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Turkey Shot Down Syrian Plane' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Turkey Shot Down Syrian Plane' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-25. Transcript available.

All right, you want to hear some petty shit at a fucking death level?
Do you guys see that Turkey shot down one of Syria's jets?
Syria is basically in the middle of a civil war right now, right?
So they're having a battle right along the Turkish border.
So they're in the middle of fighting a fight.
This Syrian jet pilot is fucking fighting rebels.
I'm not taking sides here.
I don't know what the fuck's going on.
I know our country's with the fucking rebels.
And Russia's with the fucking powers that be.
But I know both sides don't give a fuck about the Syrian people.
They don't give a shit.
They don't give a fuck about me.
Why the fuck would they give a shit about the Syrian people?
They give a fuck about the money.
That's what they give a shit about.
The strategic bullshit of the fucking wherever the land is or whatever.
That's what they give a fuck about.
So anyways, this pilot is fighting a good fight, okay?
He's looking for rebels.
And then out of nowhere, these two Turkish jets and one comes in.
And fucking shoots a missile and whatever the fuck it shot at it and shoots the
damn plane down.
That's like in hockey, third man in.
That's a 10-minute misconduct.
That's a game misconduct.
And that's probably a 10-game suspension.
Or is that coming over the boards first?
I can't remember which, but whatever.
Turkey went third man in on Syria.
And I was like, wow, what the fuck did they do that for in Syria?
He's like, how the fuck could you do that to us?
And then you know what Turkey said?
Hang on.
There was actually some good shit talk here by Turkey.
I got to give it up to Turkey this week.
Shit talk of the week.
This is what they said.
It said, a Syrian plane violated our airspace.
Our F-16s took off and hit the plane.
Why?
Because if you violate my airspace, our slap after this will be hard.
Now, I know something was lost in translation there.
I like that, though.
I like the way the dude was going, if you violate my airspace, you know?
Like when they have, like, the fucking grizzled vet cop.
You know?
What is that?
What are those drugs doing on my street?
This is my street.
You know that bullshit?
Because if you violate my airspace, our slap after this will be hard.
Now, you know we didn't say it like that.
Something got lost in translation.
What were you really saying?
Because if you violate my airspace, I'm going to slap you right in your fucking
Syrian face.
I don't know what the fuck he said.
Man, that's too harsh.
So, anyways, that's what they said.
So, I read a little bit more, and it turns out, you know what?
Syria did this to Turkey like two fucking years ago.
Turkey said, we were just flying some fucking, you know, some learn how to fly
a jet missions with our guys near the Turkey and Syrian border.
And Syria's like, oh, fuck you.
No, you weren't.
You were spying on us.
And they gave them the old right there, Fred.
They gave them the old right, right there, Fred.
They shot down their fucking jet.
So, this is what they're doing over there.
That's like literally two children in the back seat talking about who touched
who first.
And they're shooting down people in jets.
It's just fucking unreal.
You know, back in the day, I used to think people who ran countries and were in
higher power, there was just something at the core of them.
They were just, I don't know.
There was something wrong with them.
That they were these evil people and all that type of shit.
And if they just let regular people go around doing their fucking thing,
everything would be fine.
If they weren't so fucking greedy and start rumors about everybody.
And I don't believe it anymore.
I don't.
I just think it's, uh, it's just human nature.
The higher up you go, the more power you get, the more of a cunt you become.
And eventually, you get to the point where you have so much power that you want
to fucking make the order to shoot something down.
As you're standing there in your fucking robe, right?
Open robe, of course.
Balls hanging out.
You got that red phone.
You're just feeling the power coursing through your fucking veins.
You know?
You're smoking a Cohiba.
Oh, is that what they did?
Well, we're going to slap them back.
You get to talk shit.
Right?
You get to turn the world into your own fucking video game.
That's what they're doing there.
You know, like those fucking weirdos that play video games online and they wear
like those McDonald's headsets.
And they talk shit and they call each other bitches.
You know?
As they play these war games.
These guys are doing that for real.
I don't know what my fucking point is on all of that.
I just think that, uh, I know it's not an original theory.
I really believe that we are designed to destroy ourselves eventually.
And it's going to happen.
All right?
And what you have to do as a selfish person like me is just pray that it doesn't
happen during your lifetime.
Or at least during the quality years.
You know?
When you get to those older years, when you really start slowing down, you're
shuffling years before it becomes the sit down years.
Right?
And then the lay down years.
And then like the are right already years.
And then the fucking, you know, whatever.
Then the end.
I just hope it doesn't happen.
You know?
I know the polar ice caps are going to melt completely.
I know we're not going to do anything about it.
I know New York City and Miami and all of them are going to be underwater.
I know it is.
I just hope it's not during my lifetime.
I mean, I recycle.
I bring back the cans and the bottles.
I do what I can.
I forget my little fucking recyclable bags.
I go with the paper.
The papers, the papers, right?
What the fuck else am I going to do?
You know?
I don't fucking know.
What do you guys think?
Do you guys think we're doomed?
Some people believe that we're going to do something fucking horrific.
Right?
And then when we come out of it,
we're somehow all collectively going to learn a lesson from it.
And then we're going to live in this utopia.
And then Jesus comes back.
I can't remember.
There's so many fucking theories out there.
But I just love that whole theory that after we fucking have some sort of
nuclear holocaust,
then we somehow survive it.
And we're sitting there eating glowing pears that were somehow that the
basically the,
you know what we are?
We're defective.
That somehow the defect is just going to repair itself.
That we're not going to be petty.
We're not going to be jealous.
We're not going to be lustful.
You know, all the seven deadly sins, whatever the fuck they are.
You know?
Like that cures that.
I don't think it does.
I don't think it does.
And that's my gloom and doom for this week, everybody.
I think we're, I think we're fucked.
Uh, we don't have a goddamn prayer.