Name: Bill Burr - Email: No Ben's In Israel
Uploaded: 2014-05-05T22:33:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: No Ben's In Israel' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: No Ben's In Israel' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-05-05. Transcript available.

All right. No Ben's in Israel. Oh, Jesus. Did I make an ass of myself last week?
Somebody sent me a letter last week. And the guy said, hi, my name is Ben and I'm
from Israel. And I said, dude, there's no fucking Ben's in Israel. Like, I
thought that was more of an American name.
I've met a bunch of people from Israel and they always have these crazy fucking
names. Most of them begin with a Y, you know, you know, like these bad ass,
like I know, Israeli martial arts, Musad kind of fucking names. Right. I never
heard of Ben. Hey, my name's Skippy. That just sounded like a regular fucking
name to me.
So anyways, and I got corrected brutally in this fucking email here. Bill, you
said on your 42814 podcast that no one from Israel is named Ben.
Dude, their prime minister is named Benjamin Netanyahu. Their fucking president,
basically, is named Benjamin.
Well, I probably didn't hear it because they always say his whole name,
Benjamin Netanyahu.
You know, like you ever think how many sports guys have really fucking awful
names, but you never notice it until they just say their first name.
But if you hear the whole name, I can't think of a name, but there's a couple
of people that just have really fucking awful goddamn names.
Let me think. I don't know. I'll think of one. I won't think of one.
I'll walk around and all of a sudden it'll just pop in my head. Maybe I'll
bring it up next week.
But yeah. All right. So you got me. Number two, solid info, Bill, except Ben is
a name of Hebrew origin.
It means son of the South or son of the right hand. Hold yourself a press
conference.
I don't know what that means. All I know is that's an unbelievably arrogant
name to name your kid.
Son of the right hand, I'm assuming of God. Jesus Christ.
Way to give the kid a complex the second he comes out of the womb. He's got to
live up to that name.
Why don't you go Native American? You know, like he who sits with the hawks.
Then all you got to do is hang out with some fucking birds and your dad loves
you.
Number three, how about Ben Stiller, your blockhead?
What about him?
I'm going to Google him right now.
Why are you acting like that guy? Is he from Israel?
Oh, Jesus. Am I making another fucking moron?
I thought he's from New York.
Ben Stiller.
Born in Brooklyn.
The fuck? I mean, I know I'm German and Irish.
My name isn't Wolfgang.
You know, I have Bill.
I guess that's probably an English name.
I don't fucking know.
You know, you know something?
This is what I don't like about this shit.
Listen, look at the way this dude calls me out.
He can't just say, hey, you made a fucking honest mistake, right?
He goes, Bill, I know you're going to get a ton of emails about this Ben thing
because you're wrong as fuck.
Great debating skills.
Do you have a counter argument?
Yeah, this guy's wrong as fuck.
Anyways, he goes, Bill, but I know you're going to admit you're wrong because
that's what you do best.
You're always ready to admit when you're wrong and that, my friend, means you're
a trustworthy person.
Oh, here he is.
Look at him now.
Now that he fucking called me a moron.
Here he is.
He's bringing me back into this fucking sadistic relationship.
I'm sorry, baby.
I shouldn't have said those things about you.
Come on.
Let me go buy you a burger.
Anyways, he says, a true sign of honesty.
No, sir, it isn't.
Just because somebody's honest on a podcast doesn't mean they fucking walk
around doing trust.
I'm a complete piece of shit, but I appreciate it.
Anyways, read this email after the others and realize I could be a great publicist
if you need one.
I'll be the Benicio del Toro to your Johnny Deft like in fear and loathing.
I'll be a bit of a mess.
You know, some drugs and I don't know where this guy's going with this shit.
All right, probiotics.
Thank you for letting me know, sir.
Benjamin Netanyahu.
I never noticed his first name was Ben.
There's just so many syllables and letters.
Like, that's a name like, you know, when somebody drives by in a car and they
try to yell something at you and you just hear,
that's like what that guy's name is.
Benjamin Netanyahu.
How the fuck am I supposed to even notice Ben?
And if you get to Jamin Netanyahu, it's fucking gone.
Like the Ben part.
It's like being part of a large family, trying to get your story in at the
dinner table.
I was kidding who I fucked up.
All right.
I have to be honest with you.
Like, I forget Obama's first name a lot of the times because I don't pay
attention to politics.
And it's always like Obamacare.
Oh, you know, that's what you get for voting for Obama.
Are you surprised?
Obama a lot.
They just keep saying Obama, Obama, Obama.
Nobody ever says his first fucking name.
I guess they always say Clinton.
They said Bush.
I don't know.
I had to sit there and think, what the fuck is this guy's first name?
That's how out of it I am.
So if I don't even know my president's first name, Barack, or I got to think
about it, how
the fuck am I going to know Benjamin Netanyahu?
I can't stand looking at that part of the fucking world anyways.
That's such a shit show over there.
And the way that whole thing was fucking handled, to right a wrong with another
wrong, and then
the wrong becomes, the so-called right become the wrong.
It's just the whole fucking thing is absolutely ridiculous.
They should just take everybody out of there.
Palestinians and Jews.
And you just fucking, I don't know, push the whole thing into the ocean.
Why don't you guys all go live in a place where you just, just look at it like,
oh, I like
this street, you know, rather than tying all that stupid fucking religious
horseshit into
that part of the world.
Well, this is where God, Jesus used the porta potty, and he said, I love
everybody, but I
love you guys best.
But whatever the fuck it is, everybody's the chosen one, you bunch of fucking
babies.
That's the dumbest shit ever.
Yeah, I'll probably get a bunch of emails on that, but I really feel that.
Like, I swear to God, if I was part of either one of those groups, I would just
be like, you
know what, I'm fucking, I'm going to move to Rhode Island.
I'm going to get the fuck out of here.
Fuck this.
You want it?
It's yours.
Go ahead.
Gives a fuck.
Sit there dealing with this Hatfield and McCoy shit for the rest of my goddamn
life.
I want to go, I want to go ride a boogie board.
I want to take a cooking class.
I don't want to fucking deal with this shit.
You know, I don't know.
It's like I got burned out on that Yankees Red Sox shit after a while.
After a while, you're just like, yeah, and I did reduce it to that.
It's fucking childish.
There you go.
The guy who didn't know that Benjamin was an Israeli's name is telling that
entire part
of the world to grow up after the fan base of the team he loves dropped the N-word
this
week.
How's that?
You like that?
How's that for you?
There's another big bowl of hypocrisy for you.
We'll get used to it.