Name: Bill Burr - Email: How Will You Celebrate
Uploaded: 2014-06-24T18:05:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: How Will You Celebrate' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Email: How Will You Celebrate' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-24. Transcript available.

Free Billy.
Hey, there you go.
A little play on the movie title.
Billy, four times, congrats on the completion of your fourth special.
I can't wait to watch it with my friends.
We will all crowd around the TV like one of Roosevelt's fireside chats.
Look at this person, a Free Willy reference.
And then it's hit me with a little bit of Depression-era shit.
My question to you is how will you celebrate beers, burgers?
What do the coming weeks have in store for you?
Please don't say working on your next hour because no one likes a goody two-shoes.
Yeah, you know why?
Because you're still fucking up in your life.
You know what's funny is I opened this podcast talking about this.
I am going to drink, but I also, I don't want to put on the weight that I took
off for this special.
You know, I'm looking good for me.
All right?
And I actually have started this new workout.
I found this dude on YouTube.
I think I told you guys about him last week.
This guy, Frank Medrano.
Frank Medrano Fitness.
This guy, he's a vegan.
And all he does is his own body weight.
He's absolutely fucking shredded.
Shredded.
So, um, I'm going to try to, you know, I've been eating a lot more vegetarian,
but I still, you know, I'm one of those guys.
I mean, there's no fucking way, you know, I'm still going to have a couple of
steaks a month, but I'd like to try to eliminate a lot of that other.
I don't know.
A lot of that, you know what I, this is what I liked about eating vegetarian
for two days.
I would try to go two days a week and it was hard, man.
At first, you don't know what to eat.
You don't know where to go.
You don't know how to make anything.
It sucks.
But, uh, the cool thing about eating vegetarian, I would go back to back days,
just eating all veggie.
What was great was it affected my eating the other five days because it, it
really, it like resets your cravings.
And I'm telling you, man, like when I get into that fucking sugar salt thing,
like back in the day, man, I would go on like, I don't know.
I would go on like a two and a half month bender of just eating poorly.
I would still, you know, take my dog on hikes and stuff.
So I, I never really let it get too bad, but in that two and a half months I
put on like fucking 10 pounds, 15 pounds or something like that.
Then I'm just, ah, fuck.
I got to try to get this shit off.
And, um, that great thing about, or even just one meal a day, if you just do it
all veggie, it fucking balances you out.
And you stop riding that rollercoaster, sugar, salt, sugar, salt, sugar, salt.
And I fucking hate going to the gym.
I fuck, I don't like working out.
I mean, I like it, but I, I don't, I don't like having to do it because I'm a
tub of shit.
And, um, I can't recommend it enough.
If you, if you just start eating that way.
Dude, if you go veggie two days a week and you go for a walk, ride a bike or do
something like that, the fat's got nowhere to hide.
It's got nowhere to go.
It has to fucking leave, you know, and then if you just sort of decent the rest
of the week, you know, and I tell you, you know, I still, I'll, I'll fucking, I'll
crush a pizza.
I'll order a fucking, I'll, I'll order a pizza and a fucking slam that I will
make cupcakes like the twinkle toes that I am.
And I'll eat a bunch of those in that type of shit.
But then I do the two veggie days in a row and all of that, it settles down
again.
Like the, it's almost like a fire.
It doesn't get out of control.
So that has been working for me.
And, uh, I've been doing the pull-ups, climbing the rope and the dips and the
pushups.
And, uh, I just like that type.
I, at this point in my life, I just like doing that better than, uh, throwing
the weights around.
But I'll always still like doing that because I came of age in the eighties and
that was always fun, you know, benching.
So what am I going to do?
Um, I, I'm going to, I'm going to fucking party with the all in guys, smoke
some cigars, but, uh, I am, I'm not a goody two shoes.
What I am is I'm somebody who fucking, I already lived the life, dude.
I did all of that.
Okay.
And, uh, I'm too fucking old to keep, to keep putting on 15, 20 pounds and try
and take them off.
I don't want to look like the fucking horror show that I saw at the beach today.
I don't want to be those people.
All right.
I don't want to be sitting there with my fucking shirt off with my tits staring
at my fucking toes, you know, eating a bag of crisps.
I don't, I don't want to fucking be that guy.
All right.
You can do that in your twenties, have at it.
And you can wake up the next day and still fucking be in shape, but I can't do
it at my age.
So, uh, there you go.
Um, I don't know.
I rode a motorcycle today.
That's about the dumbest fucking thing you could ever do.
So is that enough for you?