Name: Bill Burr - Summertime Blue / Bill's Childhood
Uploaded: 2014-07-08T12:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Summertime Blue / Bill's Childhood' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Summertime Blue / Bill's Childhood' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-08. Transcript available.

Summertime blue. Hey there, Billy Weed Whacker. I'm sitting in my cubicle and I'm
hating my life.
It's summertime. My kids are hanging by the pool with my wife and I have
friends who have cooler jobs
that allow them more time off to travel and hang out. This rut. Well, first of
all, dude,
the fact that you have a wife and kids at home and you got a cubicle job, you're
crushing it.
You know, I always thought those cubicle job, they gave you the little skinny
Michael J. Fox tie
and that's all you got. Um, anyways, this rut has me thinking about the good
times I used
to have riding my bike, playing baseball and hanging out with friends all day
till it got
dark and then playing some video games once the mosquitoes got too bad. What
are your favorite
summertime memories? What do you miss the most? Um, what do I miss the most? Oh
yeah. You know
what it is? Is you just, I just, I just wish there was a way to convey to a kid
a mortgage.
You know, being in a relationship, uh, property tax, you know, nine to five job
term papers,
all of this shit that you have to do. Counting calories, all of that fucking
crap. I just wished
there was a way that you know what I miss. I miss my problems that I had as a
kid that I thought were
huge. That's what I miss. You know, that someone was picking on me at school,
that there was some
girl I liked and I didn't know what to say, you know? Oh, that the Sunday
papers are coming and
they're going to be really heavy when I go to deliver them. Those are my
problems. Oh, it's raining
today on my paper route. Dude, I had, I had the fucking, I had the best
childhood when I really go
back and think about it. You know, I had a paper route. So I always, from third
grade on, I had a
paper route. I always had a fucking job. So I always had money. I used to make
like, like 18 bucks a week.
Okay. When you don't have a car payment, we don't have a mortgage. We don't
have to pay for food.
When you have zero fucking expenses and all you're into is fucking candy bars
and football cards,
$18 in a pack of football cards was 35 cents a pack. And it came with a piece
of gum.
Ah, it was unbelievable. We had this, we used to live in this old house.
It was a, uh, we lived in the front and these other people lived in the back.
It was this beautiful,
I mean, it was run down, but I mean, you could, you could, it's the reason why
I bought this old
house that I have. I had the appreciation for the woodwork and stuff. And, um,
what I, what I always
thought was cool is it had two stairways. Like a lot of old houses have a stairway
in the front
and the stairway in the back. And I always thought that that was cool as shit.
But what they did was
they put dividers up in the middle and built another kitchen in the back and
did the back
stairway was a smaller place. And then the front, we had the bigger one cause
we have a bigger
family. And, uh, this fucking place had unfinished Blair, which basement, like
one of those turn
of the century, last century, I should say, uh, foundations that always had the
smell of dampness
and all of that shit. That was downstairs. We had a ping pong table, which was
just an
unfinished piece of plywood with a net on it and the, and the paddles, right? A
bunch of other
shit down there and spiders. We'd play that down there and you had the washer
and dryer down there,
which we had up on two by fours because every time it fucking rained, it
flooded down there.
Um, and the pump never worked. Like you had to go down there and put on your
big fucking rain
boots and turn on the pump. And then on the next floor up, there was a dining
room, a living room
and a kitchen. And then you went up the stairs and the woodwork, the banister
and all that was
fucking incredible. Like I said, it needed a little TLC, but then you went
upstairs and to the right was
a bedroom and to the left was two other bedrooms. And then there was another
bathroom. And, um,
and then when you went to the bathroom, there was another door that led up to a
third floor that had
two more rooms up there. Like you didn't have to crouch down. It was this old
fucking house,
but up there, you know, we didn't have any AC in that house. And the second
floor was bad enough.
And you got up on the third floor and you like literally risked fucking heat
stroke. And that was
this incredible old house that we rented for the majority of my childhood. And
next to it had a,
this giant field. And, um, we used to go out there all summer. We played
baseball during baseball
season. During the winter, we played football. Uh, my dad put up a basketball
rim and it was funny.
He wasn't a sports guy and he thought a regulation room was nine feet. So we
had a nine foot
basketball rim on a slanted fucking driveway. No wonder I sucked at that sport.
Um,
yeah. We used to ride bikes, all of that shit before video games and the
internet and all that.
You just went outside, climb trees. We used to climb up this fucking tree. I
lived at like 20,
15 minutes South of Boston. I don't know what it was. I don't, so we probably
like 10,
12 miles outside the city. And when we used to climb up a tree that was high
enough that we could
see the Prudential building and the John Hancock building, two biggest
buildings in, uh, in Boston,
you know, both insurance companies go figure, right? They never fucking pay
anybody. Um,
we used to climb all the way up those fucking things.
We were, we were a member of this, this fucking, uh,
town pool. We'd ride our bikes down there and we just stayed out at the pool
from one to seven every
fucking day. Swimming all day. Just hadn't, there's no fucking worries. Your,
your life was a vacation.
It was fucking ridiculous. And all you had was this bullshit homework. And I
was such a pussy. I couldn't
even get through doing homework. My life was a fucking joke. My life has never
been better was it was never
better. And you just don't even realize that when you didn't have rent, you had
no fucking worries
sitting around eating fucking candy bars that you don't even get fat. It's
fucking hilarious.
So that's what I miss. I miss all of that. All of that shit.
Those fucking, uh, elementary school days right into like junior high. Once you
started getting into
junior high, then that's when people really started to break off into clicks.
People started their first
fucking drinking and drug abuse. And then all the bullshit starts and all that
fucking crap. That's
what kind of where it went off the rails for me. Um, but, um,
yeah, man, I miss all of that shit. It's fucking perfect. Dude, when you don't
have any expenses
and you're making $18 a week and your hobby costs you 35 cents a whack. I mean,
it's, you're the king
of the world. So I, yeah, I miss all of that. I miss all of that shit. That's
what I would say. Um,
let me get to the questions, Jesus Christ. Oh, I guess that was a question. I
got so involved in that. I forgot it was.