Name: Bill Burr - Advice: Engagement Ring
Uploaded: 2014-07-08T12:30:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Engagement Ring' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Advice: Engagement Ring' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-07-08. Transcript available.

All right. Engagement ring. Dear Bill Matrimony. I'm buying my girlfriend an
engagement ring soon and I want to get something simple. I feel like giving her
something fancy will stress the importance of luxury and that's not how I want
to start our lives together. Jesus Christ. I do well and money is not the issue.
I think that if I tied a string around her finger, that should be enough. It's
a symbol, not a collector's item. How do I convey this to her? Also, please don't
act like a chick and tell me how and why it's important.
Well, I mean, you've basically walled off everything except your opinion. You
sound very fucking controlling and you sound like a cheap fuck. All right. So
go get her a fucking little piece of string and convey to her the importance of
the dollar. Do that for her. Everybody loves that. You know, when you're
throwing a keg party for someone to come around, go, hey, let's get a cheap
beer. Okay. Let's only get a quarter keg.
Everybody get a small sippy cup here on this big day of celebration. This is
the biggest day of her fucking young life. The only day bigger than this is
going to be when she gives birth to children. Okay. So go ahead with your
little string, tie it around her fucking finger. Ah, how do you, how do you say
that to her? Jesus fucking Christ. How would you like it, sir? If once you guys
got married
and you were going down and you wanted to go down and you wanted to go buy this
new Corvette that's coming out, the new fucking Z06, whatever it is, it's going
to go 200 fucking miles an hour and you were in the goddamn money. And she says,
no. And she stresses to you the importance of that fucking shit. Oh, I guess
you're going to say, well, it's my money. I can do what the fuck I want.
And I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like if you're
with the right woman, you want to fucking buy her. You know, I feel like if, if
you fucking love your wife.
Okay. And if you have the funds, don't you want her to have like a closet full
of all the shoes she ever wanted? You know, that's like, that's like her sports
package or whatever. Go ahead. Go ahead. Have all your fucking shoes. Dress up.
I know you're into the shit. I know that makes you happy. Why would I want to
deny you that?
Go get all the fucking shoes you want. You know, personally speaking, I would
buy her a, a, uh, I don't know. I would buy, this is what I would do, sir. I
would buy a ring that conveys your feelings towards her rather than your
feelings towards your wallet and your concern that she's going to be spending
all of your money.
And if that really is a concern of yours, uh, that's a major fucking concern.
Cause that's one of the number one things that drives people apart is money. If
you guys are not on the same page monetarily, I would really reconsider what
the fuck it is.
You're about ready to do. All right there. All right there. Control freak
fucking cutting all the goddamn Jesus Christ.
All right. This is my impression of this guy on one of his kids' birthdays. All
right. They're all in the other room. He's in, he's in the other room counting
his fucking money and they're in the other room going happy birthday to you.
And he's like, Hey, keep it down. Don't sing too loud. Don't be too happy. I
don't want, I don't want to set a precedent with our baby's first birthday that,
you know, this is how happy we, we got to be even more happy in the next one.
Give a, give a, give us some place to go. Quit your crying.