Name: Bill Burr Understands Dictators
Uploaded: 2014-08-04T12:16:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Understands Dictators' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Understands Dictators' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-08-04. Transcript available.

this motorcycle somebody had uh loaned me i i told you guys i fucking i decided
to uh to give
it back and uh the guy just sold it and it's fucking killing me i know i made
the smart move
you know riding a motorcycle in la is uh it's like riding a motorcycle in los
angeles i mean
there's no other way to put it it's just fucking it's a it's uh it's just too
many goddamn people
you know you know like if i was a dictator right and i just was just complete
sociopath just didn't
give a shit about the fifth commandment the amount of people that i would have
eliminated
in this city just in general so i could get around a little bit better and i
could ride a motorcycle
every once in a while fuck i'm a dictator right i should tell you know i should
ride around when
everybody else has curfew when they're supposed to be home you know but then i
couldn't ride
around i'd be worried i'd be the only guy out there and everybody would know it's
me
and then everyone would resent me so then i'd get fucking whacked
see this is why dictators have to kill so many fucking people because when you
try to run the
whole thing yourself you just can't get past the level of resentment so you
have all this power and
you can't go anywhere so you got to kill a bunch of people that's basically it's
common sense
what are you going to do has there ever been a dictator that just backtracked
and was
just like all right listen man like i know i killed a lot of people i you know
i got a little
carried away i uh you know i had a plan and um you know it's not working it's
not working so um
i'd like you to forget about all those people that i killed you know a lot of
them probably friends
and family admitted admittedly i got a little crazy for the last 12 years uh
but i just kind
want to ride a motorcycle and i don't want you guys to shoot me so let me
finish so i've decided
that ice cream is legal again and that you know people can go outside whenever
they want until like
2 a.m how about that is that better is that better are you guys starving so
much that you can't uh
send an email at this point oh that's right i outlawed the internet i forgot
about that
is anybody even listening to this anybody um yeah that's too much stress being
a dictator
you know i understand them though i understand you probably think that i'm
fucking nuts well
you know what you know what i say you know what i say to you mister you know i
fucking drive to work
and i drive home mrs i go to the fucking gym and i got my own little fucking
online fricassee business
whatever the fuck you do all right i want you to start traveling okay and you
go out there
you see what you see and then you fucking report back to me and i want you to
then with a straight face
tell me that you don't understand dictators a little more come on you're gonna
see what i see
you're gonna go out there and you're gonna see first of all you're gonna you i
don't know what
the fuck you're gonna see you just you know what it is you're gonna become you're
gonna become grumpy
like me that's what it really is it has nothing to do with seeing shit you're
just sick of standing
in lines you know you're sick of that cunt in front of you reclining in a seat
on the fucking plane
you know you're sick of fucking people who engage in conversation with the cashier
you know
little fucking idle chit chat oh yeah i know it really has been raining up with
it you know those
fucking people okay it's not you keep it going keep the fucking line going you
cunt now that you're
up there you don't give it now you got all fucking day two seconds ago you were
in line with me
exchanging looks like you fucking believe this yeah and then you get up there
and what do you do
you become part of the fucking problem right you know what i say my little
fucking inner style and i
say eliminated from my world you're gone you're done you're going right to a
fucking labor camp okay
you want to chit chat go break some fucking rocks and talk to people ah jesus