Name: Bill Burr - Pussy Coming Into The Room
Uploaded: 2014-12-16T02:36:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Pussy Coming Into The Room' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-12-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Pussy Coming Into The Room' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-12-16. Transcript available.

Oh, by the way, you know what pissed me off? I was watching this fucking
commercial where they talk about like the first, you know, how the first halftime
came about.
It was basically people, you know, these fucking, you know, racist white guys.
I mean, you know they were back then, right? Jesus Christ, the fuck.
Anybody in a striped fucking uniform with no face mask. I mean, you could only
imagine what was coming out of Red Granger's mouth back in the day, the galloping
ghost, right?
So they got this commercial where it's like supposed to be that era and these
guys are playing football and they're talking about how the first halftime came
around.
And basically how it came around was these guys were playing and a bunch of
fucking ladies came by with some pop.
They came by with like some Coke or whatever, Pepsi or fucking, I don't know
what tab. I don't know what they brought.
The whole fucking thing is, you know, it's just a metaphor, right? It's like
you're a guy, you're on point, you have a fucking goal and what happens?
Pussy walks in the room and everything gets thrown to the wayside. And next
thing you know, you're 53 going, wait a minute, what the fuck happened?
Huh? I wanted to be an astronaut. Right? I wanted to learn how to play the tuba.
I wanted to own a fucking hair salon. What happened?
Pussy came into the room. You took your eye off the ball and you started
drinking some pop.
I hate how they say that in the Midwest. The fact that they call it pop and
then they say pop. You want some pop?
No. Do you got any soda?
Soda? What's that?
I can't do a Midwest accent, as you can see. I got to be out there hanging
around with those cunts.
Hang on, it just reminded me of something about the Southern tour I want to do
next.
I'm going to type that in so I write that. I say it later.
Anyways, so long story short, because the women show up, these guys who are
fucking knocking the hell out of each other,
basically inventing the NFL, they stop.
And they look at each other and like, hey, you know, maybe one of them will
give us one of them fucking 23 skadoos over there.
What do you say? What if you just knock off for like 15 minutes, go over there
with Sprite?
You know, the guy's like, what the fuck's a Sprite? It doesn't exist yet, douchebag.
So, all right, let's get a Coca-Cola. It has got to be Coca-Cola, right?
Wasn't that the first one? They went over there, right?
The original Coca-Cola had a little bit of blow in it.
Next thing you know, they're dumping it down our ass crack.
Right? The whole fucking game goes out the window.
But that's not the problem that I have with that commercial.
The problem I have is in the middle of it, somebody takes an old-timey camera,
turns it around on them and does a selfie.
Now, I know the people who made that commercial.
I'm going to give them the credit to be like they realized that nobody took a
fucking selfie back then.
Okay? Nobody took a fucking selfie.
Not only did you not take a selfie, nobody smiled in photos back then.
I don't know when the fuck that started.
But if you look back in the day, nobody is smiling in photos unless you caught
them off guard.
Okay?
They were doing a little jig or some shit and you took a picture with that
fucking cannon, that fucking gunpowder.
Fucking went up. Sorry for everybody's ears there.
I didn't realize it was going to be that loud.
Fucking would go off in the background, right?
And then, you know, that's...
Then the guy would be like, you just take my fucking picture?
Yeah?
Well, what's all the smoke in the air for, huh?
You keep that fucking witchcraft away from me, buddy.
Right?
Nobody fucking smiled.
You understand when they took pictures of the Native Americans, the reason why
they didn't smile.
Their whole fucking world was going to hell in a fucking handbasket by a bunch
of fucking douchebags
whose ancestors were eventually going to walk around wearing those fucking Beats
by Dre, which aren't even that good at headphones.
Oh, now they're wireless.
Tell you what, fuck the technology making them fucking invisible wires.
Why don't you make them good?
Somebody gave me...
I got a fucking pair of those goddamn things.
I was listening to them for a fucking year, and I finally just sat around.
I was like, yeah, these things aren't that good.
I can hear the music, but it's not blowing my mind.
You know what Beats by Dre are?
And this isn't against Dr. Dre, because he already sold the company.
He's sitting on a billion dollars.
You think he gives a fuck?
He doesn't give a fuck.
Plus, I never fucking trash anybody who's got a scar on their neck, okay?
That guy saw death, stared it down, won, and then what?
I'm going to come at him wearing my fucking PJs?
I don't think so.
All right?
And if you think I'm the kind of guy who's going to do something like that,
you're listening to the wrong podcast, my friend.
Okay?