Name: Bill Burr - Congratulations To The Dallas Cowboys
Uploaded: 2015-01-05T15:02:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Congratulations To The Dallas Cowboys' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Congratulations To The Dallas Cowboys' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-05. Transcript available.

Congratulations to the Dallas Cowboys and to their fans, and you know what, to
Tony Romo,
because God knows he would have got blamed for that entire fucking loss.
I'll tell you, that guy, man, I don't know what it is about him.
You know, he got all the fucking tools. He ain't just got the smarts, man.
That's what the fuck it is. I remember one time, a long time ago, I had a ranch
before my fucking divorce.
You want to talk about Big D? Fuck Dallas. You used to see when I played this
fucking twat, right?
Goddamn bitch, sitting on the fucking porch all day.
Why don't you cut up some vegetables and put them in a pot, you piece of shit?
She wouldn't do it. I tried sweet-talking her, Mark.
Shut the fuck up and let me finish the story. This is my story. This is my
fucking state.
That fucking Tony Romo, let me tell you right now, he got a look in his eye
like he a pheasant, but he smells a rat.
You know what I'm saying? Stupid southern expressions.
I swear to God, that boy, that boy would fuck a cow if he saw a road rotor
coming up to a goddamn snake balls.
And that's true, too. You can put that right.
So anyways, they've been fucking with this guy for so goddamn long.
He's had like a million fucking offensive coordinators.
The problem is, what's his face? Jerry Jones is an owner.
Okay, he's got, you know, you ever see a quarterback's got little happy feet in
the pocket?
Dancing around, ooh-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
He can't feel the rush, but he knows it's coming.
Got a bad feeling about this one, man.
Right? He's just fucking sitting there like that dude in platoon.
Rather than planting his fucking feet, checking down the fucking receivers,
right?
Like I would do if I was tall and had talent.
Anyways, he's got happy feet as a fucking owner.
Anybody come down the fucking pike that's done anything in fucking football,
that's got a little disco ball hanging over it, he fucking, he can't get enough
of it.
He cannot get enough of it.
If he would just relax and let the coaches coach and the players play.
Okay?
Maybe slow down that elevator ride down to the fucking field.
I think Dallas would be a lot further down the road.
Okay?
You gotta, you gotta stop blaming your stepson, Tony Romo.
Whatever.
Anyways, congratulations to the Dallas Cowboys, to their fans, and to that
officiating crew
that decided somewhere about four and a half minutes to go, like,
hey, what do you say Dallas wins this game?
Huh?
You got it?
You like that?
On three, ready?
Break.
Boom.
How the fuck was that not pass interference?
Guy's running down the field like he's out of gas in the middle of nowhere,
flagging down a fucking car that's coming from the other direction.
Clear cut case of fucking pass interference.
They don't, they pick up the flag.
They pick it up.
Then Dallas gets the fucking ball, and there's more pass interference.
They don't pick up that flag.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm not saying it was fixed.
I would never say that.
I'm just saying, not with baseball, but I just feel that there was a, you know,
I just wouldn't, you know, come on.
Can you let the players win the fucking game?
I don't know.
What the fuck are you going to do?
Anyways.