Name: Bill Burr - The Rose Bowl 2015
Uploaded: 2015-01-05T15:21:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Rose Bowl 2015' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - The Rose Bowl 2015' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-05. Transcript available.

All right. Well, I went to another Rose Bowl, everybody. And I think I'm just
now starting to recover. First of all, what a fucking game. I just like the
Rose Bowls are already unbelievable. But to add that whole playoff fucking
atmosphere to it was just insane.
And this year, me and all the guys, we got over there. We were so fucking
organized this year. We had fucking everything. We had fucking everything. Food,
booze, other stuff.
Jason Law had put on a display of tailgate cooking that it was he had a career
year. That's what we were saying. He had a breakout. It was just fucking. It
was the best breakfast sandwich I ever had.
Then he made these ribs that were unbelievable. Then we went to the game. And
at the end of the game, it was freezing out by then. And we were smart. This is
how smart we were. We brought a cord of wood.
And one of the grills we turned into just like a fire pit. And everybody else
who was waiting for the traffic, all these people coming and gathering around
our little fire going, you guys are smart. Oh, this is really smart.
What I left out is we brought everything except fire. We forgot to bring a
lighter. They were bringing the grills and they were bringing the charcoal. So
I assumed that they were going to bring the fucking lighter.
And I brought the lighter every year. So I guess that one was on me. I don't
know what. But other than that, it was a. It was another amazing time.
And it was fucking hilarious. We basically we get into the game, got in on time
because it's a fucking playoff game. Right.
And there was so many people getting tickets that I couldn't get four together.
I got two and two. So we were like a couple rows, two, three rows in front of
Bartnick and Lawhead.
And we're sitting there, you know, and I'm pretty I'm not as bad as I was last
year, but I was fucking I was feeling no pain. All right.
I was definitely more than dehydrated at that point. And all of a sudden I see
security walking out with Jason Lawhead.
And there's no Joe Bartnick. And Jay is looking at me over at me with his hands
like up like, what the fuck?
And he's yelling at me. And I'm going, Jay, Jay, where they take it? I mean,
like I'm in the middle of this fucking row.
There's like 30 people on one side, 30 on the other, this old school stadium.
Right. Total fucking fire hazard. Right.
I'm like, Jay, where you go? Jay. And he's fucking yelling at me. I can't hear.
And that you're whisking him out so fast. There's nothing I could do other than
I just keep going, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, where they take it?
He's looking at me like, what the fuck?
Turns out, I don't know, Bartnick was outside. He was in the stadium, but
outside the stands.
I guess he had sat down or something and nodded off.
And when he came to, there was like fucking 20 cops surrounding him because he's
such a big guy.
I thought they were like they were like, what if this guy starts swinging? We're
fucked.
And they went down there and they told, I guess they looked at his ticket and
they went up to get Jason.
That's what they did. And they said, we got to, he's been over served, which is
the understatement for all of us for 2015.
And Lawhead, to his credit, the only thing he did better than cooking was talk
his way out of that.
He just kept going, come on, look at the guy. He's a teddy bear. He's not
hurting anybody.
He's going to go up there. He's going to sit down. He's going to be, he just
kept saying he's a teddy bear.
And Joe was just looking, hey, you know, I'm a teddy bear.
Next thing you know, they fucking let him in.
Fucking Lawhead, the politician, gets him to his seat.
He sits in his seat and then promptly fucking passes out.
And some lady behind Lawhead goes, hey, you're going to have to get him out of
here.
And Jay just looked at him and said, hey, come on.
He's not hurting anybody. He's a teddy bear.
OK, listen. And she fucking jawed back at him.
And Jay was just like, listen, if tell you what, if you will just watch the
game, you're not even going to see him.
OK, I mean, I can wake him up if you want me to.
I'll wake him up. I don't think you're going to like it, but I can't wake him
up.
And people just started laughing and it was over.
And we had a wonderful time.
Seeing two of the top college football programs play each other.
It's a hell of a game through two and a half quarters.
And then Oregon, I got to give a shout out to the Ducks just for shutting up
the FSU band.
And I didn't have to hear that that fucking Tomahawk Chop again.
And I do. I fucking called it.
That band knows three songs.
They know the school song.
They play something else.
And then everything else.
The whole fucking game.
And it was I mean, I don't know.
I would like to see a little bit of a closer game.
But I really enjoyed the fact that they shut that band up.
Nothing against FSU.
I actually really like the Seminoles and I've always loved that program.
But somewhere along the line, that Tomahawk Chop just fucking.
It would be like if at the Red Sox, like, you know, awful it is when they sing
Sweet Caroline.
Just imagine if they did that between every fucking inning.
I mean, you'd want to kill yourself, right?
If you were any sort of a human being.
And that includes being a Red Sox fan.
Because I want to jump off the fucking monster when I hear that fucking song
just once.
And you're looking around and fucking women putting their head on that fucking
guy's shoulder.
It's just like, ah.
I don't know.
Well, maybe I don't know.
Maybe I should be a little more positive about just the shit like that.
I have no idea.
The Rose Bowl, everybody.
Oh, dude.
I'll tell you right now.
If you're going to pick a beer to start the day with, I'm telling you.
Miller High Life.
Ah.
And you got to get it in the bottle.
Oh, my God.
The sun's just coming up.
We got it at 7.04 in the fucking morning.
It was freezing cold out.
There was a frost on the fairways.
I'm telling you guys.
You got to fucking do this.
Okay?
You don't got to go to the Rose Bowl.
Fucking pick something that you and all your dumb guy friends do.
Or you and all your dumb fucking women friends.
Just, you got to have that one thing you do every year.
You got to have that.
I don't give a fuck what kind of responsibility you got.
You got to have that one fucking thing.
So, anyways.
We got to the frost was on the fucking fairways.
I actually said this year when I got out.
I said, hey, guys.
Guys, you got to go take this in right here.
This is the best part of the tailgate.
It's the beginning.
And this time tomorrow, you're going to wish that this fucking moment.
Actually, no.
Because you'll be too hungover.
Three days later, when you get all the poison out of your system,
you're going to be fucking longing for that feeling.
Dude, we get out of that truck.
Ear to ear fucking grins.
And then Bartnick's got this thing that he yells out to everybody.
To the entire parking lot.
I don't want to say what it is because he yells it so fucking loud.
And so far, nobody's ever found our fucking tailgate, which has been great
because we make a spectacle of ourselves.
You got to do it.
So, anyways.
The Rose Bowl.
Let's read this thing here.
Dear Billy Football.
Love the podcast.
Your new special was nothing short of amazing.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, everybody who's been watching it, re-watching it, and telling other
people to watch my new special.
You people are all the same.
I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
Oh, Jesus, Bill.
I really appreciate it because this one has been getting the best response.
And, you know, that makes me look good with the people I'm in business with
over there at Netflix.
So, you guys did me a solid.
I really appreciate it.
All right.
Anyways, anyways.
Here we go.
Anyway, I had a question about your Rose Bowl outing last weekend.
The game itself was great.
From that opening Oregon drive, when Mariota.
I hope that's how you say his name.
I didn't.
It's two Heisman Trophy winners.
I didn't even know their fucking names.
I was so busy this year.
And I was so hammered.
I even had a fucking program.
I had no idea.
Mariota pitched it to the guy who somersaulted to the one-yard line and later
completed the two-point conversion.
Oh, that was great in the beginning.
To famous James flopping around, fumbling for an Oregon touchdown late in the
third.
It was just a great game.
And I was thoroughly jealous you were there.
You're obviously an Oregon Ducks fan.
My question is, can you share with us a couple of your favorite moments from
this year's Rose Bowl?
I kind of did that, but there's probably some more.
I'm sure you had, you and the goon squad you roll around with, got in some
funny situations or conflicts.
P.S.
I saw Lawhead and Bartnick in Boston for the All Things Comedy Tour.
They were great guys and had the pleasure of sitting with Bartnick at the bar
while Jay crushed it on stage.
Cool dudes, I would love to drink and smoke Stokes with you all sometime.
Happy New Year and go fuck yourself, you apron-wearing cunt.
That was a good one, you bastard.
I think I've already told the stories.
Yeah, throwing the football, the food.
I mean, I don't know.
I was pretty sober, but I was kind of a consistent level, like blacked out.
I don't know what was it this year.
Just the whole fucking thing.
You know what was cool was watching a father with his two sons, and he was
playing automatic QB
and teaching his kid, the cornerback, to get inside, you know, inside the
receiver.
And watching the big brother, older brother, fucking rivalry reminded me when I
was a kid.
I sat there smiling, drinking a beer.
Probably looked like a pedophile, but I was actually thinking nothing but clean
stuff.
Everybody looks like a pedophile now.
I don't know.
I got to be honest with you.
The whole fucking day is a goddamn blur.
I remember most of the game.
I passed out a little bit in the first quarter for about a minute and a half
football time,
and then the second quarter for about a minute and a half.
But other than that, you know, I crushed waters for the rest of the fucking
game.
I didn't have any beers afterwards because I had to drive.
And that's by then, you know, we stayed there till like 830, 9 o'clock at night.
So by then I haven't drank in like eight hours.
So I'm actually so sober.
I'm fucking hung over at that point.