Name: Bill Burr - Seahawks vs Packers 01-18-15
Uploaded: 2015-01-19T11:16:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Seahawks vs Packers 01-18-15' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Seahawks vs Packers 01-18-15' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-01-19. Transcript available.

I got to tell you something right now.
I watched the Green Bay-Seattle game, and I am over it.
But I was absolutely fucking sick at the end of that game.
Not out of like a hate in Seattle kind of thing.
It was just that fucking prevent defense, prevent offense thing.
I just, for the life of me, I mean, it has to work.
It has to.
It has to work.
Not only does it have to work.
It has to work way more times than it doesn't work for them to continue the
insanity of playing football for 50 fucking minutes, 55 minutes.
And then in the end, you just play not to lose.
Green Bay went into Seattle.
They shut up their crowd.
They handled, they manhandled them through the first half.
And then when you knew Seattle was going to come back and have a surge, and
they handled that five minutes to go.
They pick off Russell Wilson for the fourth fucking time.
You got the ball back.
All right.
Let's fucking eat up some clock.
What did they do?
They run the ball into the ass of their center three fucking times and then
punt it.
I didn't think they took a minute off the clock.
The whole game.
You got Aaron Rodgers as a quarterback.
Does he all of a sudden not know how to throw a fucking ball?
This guy's a Super Bowl champion.
Do you think he's fucking nervous?
The whole game, you're playing to win.
And then in the end, it was fucking unbelievable.
I can't imagine what it'd be like playing for the fucking Packers.
Aaron Rodgers taking those play calls.
All right, man.
Five minutes to go.
What are we doing here?
What are we going to dump it off to a running back?
We're going to post pattern.
What are we doing here?
Run the ball up the middle.
Okay, all right.
Yeah, I get it.
Burn a little clock here.
Ready!
Ready!
Set up!
Timeout.
Two seconds.
Three seconds off the clock.
All right, coach.
Second down to ten.
What are we doing, huh?
We're throwing the ball here, right?
What are we going to do?
A little play-action fake?
Freeze the linebackers?
Do something here?
Maybe pick up five, six yards?
Run it up the middle.
Really?
All right, hey, you're the boss.
Ready!
Omaha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Are you fucking serious?
The fuck are we doing, right?
You don't want to throw the ball?
Run it into the ass-crap of your-crap.
Center.
This is a recording.
Blue 54!
Set!
Hot!
Over!
Over!
Seattle doesn't take a timeout.
Green Bay kicks the ball away.
They take off fucking 50 seconds, 55 seconds off the clock.
Then what do they do?
Are they going to go back to playing football and get up in their grills?
Rush fucking Russell Wilson, put him on his back like they have been the whole
game.
Ah, fuck that!
I got a better idea.
Let's go into the prevent.
Let's go into the fucking prevent defense, which is basically we don't want to,
we don't want them to score on one big play.
We'll protect the sidelines, we'll give them the middle in 15 to 20-yard chunks
while they burn the clock or burn their timeouts.
That's the philosophy.
So basically you don't give it up on one play.
You give it up on six plays.
And you make every quarterback, every quarterback who's ever faced a prevent
defense immediately looked how Joe Montana or John Elway or Roger Starback used
to look when,
in the final two minutes of the game, when they actually played fucking defense,
as far as I remember.
So Seattle goes right, you know what, and I am literally, where's my phone?
I fucking was texting Paul Verzi.
You want to hear my tweets during the end of this fucking game?
All right, here we go.
Let me scroll.
Oh, Jesus, they're coming in chunks.
Coming in chunks.
Let's see here.
All right, this is me after I watched them run the ball into the ass of their
fucking center three plays in a row and then punted.
All capitals.
What a fucking waste of a possession.
They are now going to ruin it.
Oh, now that, I think they still had one more run to go.
They are now going to run it.
They're just going, Seattle's just going to take a timeout fucking eight
seconds off the clock.
Now they've kicked the ball, I write.
What was the strategy there?
Get the other team to use all their timeouts?
They aren't even going to burn a minute off the clock on four fucking plays.
Paul writes back, I know.
Now Seattle has the ball, and I text.
They are literally going to give this team a touchdown just so they can burn
off time from the clock.
I can't tell if that is good coaching or it is done by the league to give every
game possible a dramatic ending.
This is when I'm sitting there going, I'm a comedian.
What the fuck do I know about prevent defense?
All I know is a fan watching.
Now, obviously, they scored.
I wrote, fucking joke.
Fursy wrote, wow.
Then he said, no TD.
Thank God.
Oh, that's when they threw it to Marshawn Lynch, who, by the way, is the
closest thing I've seen since Earl Campbell.
Watching an entire defense try to tackle that man is like, you ever been drunk
with your friends during the summertime, and all the windows of your car is
down, and everybody gets out of the car on a small hill, and all of a sudden
you notice the car starts rolling, and everybody grabs onto it, sliding in
their tennis shoes, trying to stop it?
Eventually, you fucking do.
That's what it's like watching a defense try and stop Marshawn Lynch.
It's fucking amazing.
Then I go, every fucking game, Paul, every fucking game, that stupid strategy
makes every team look like the 49ers in 1989.
Okay, now Green Bay, okay, now, you don't want to read all this whole fucking
thing.
It's just basically, I'll read the excerpts.
It's the dumbest fucking strategy I've ever seen in my life.
Green Bay Packers deserve this.
Their fans don't.
Then in the end, travesty.
And Verzi said the problem was they kicked, they got field goals instead of
touchdowns.
There's nothing wrong with that if you're playing against a defense, I feel, as
good as Seattle's.
You got to take what they're going to give you.
All right?
You kick the field goals, and then your defense was answering the call.
They answered the bell, whatever the fucking cliche is, and you had the fucking
game won.
Green Bay had the ball back.
They had the ball.
They had their fucking destiny in their hands.
Go for a first down.
If they got two first downs, three first downs, that fucking game is over.
All right.
Sorry, I'm back.
I'm back.
I actually knocked my recorder off.
I was saying I'm so fucking old that when I see people who run like me, how bad
I run,
they've played 17 years of quarterback and blew out an ACL.
Anyway, so I, at the end of the game, watching them, watching them lose that
game the way they did.
First of all, I didn't even say congratulations to Seattle.
Congratulations.
I mean, it's not your fault they stopped fucking playing.
And I guess to say that I'm taking away from your victory, but I'm sure you've
seen your team.
I think every football fan, you've seen your team do that.
You've seen your team just playing football.
I'm not giving up an inch.
I'm right up on you.
Fuck this.
We're winning this game.
And then you go to this whole, like, well, you know, I'll give you like, we'll
give you 10 yards, 15 yards, but that's it.
I mean, just, it's just the exact, I don't know, the mentality of it.
I just don't, I don't understand it.
It makes, you know what it is about the prevent defense?
No game is out of reach.
You have to be like fucking up 21 points.
But if it's below 20, all of a sudden, within five minutes, if you're going to
play that way, it just seems like everything all of a sudden is in reach.
And then the announcers are like, dramatic, alternative, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
Who never thought what?
When you start playing 20 yards off a guy, when you stop calling any imaginative
plays on offense, and even Troy Aikman on the third time was going like, you
know, I got to feel like they're going to run in here and keep it on the ground.
It's like, everybody knew it.
When you got two stand-up comedians texting what the Green Bay Packers are
going to do next, that's probably not a good sign as far as if you're going to
try and win a fucking game.
Dude, I was so, I was so upset because I felt like the pay, you know, I'm not
looking past the Colts either.
I know obviously anything can happen, but if we were going to go to the Super
Bowl, I got to think that for whatever reason, we matched up better with Green
Bay.
I just feel that the fact that we get, for the most part, no pressure on the
quarterback, and you got Russell who's so mobile, that would present a problem.
And then we suck against the run for the most part, and Marshawn Lynch, even if
you're good against him, it takes at least, what, like six, seven people just
to kind of slow him down.
And Seattle's defense is unbelievable.
As annoying as they are, how they stand over every person after they tackle
them as if that person has never been tackled before.
And as annoying as all those bandwagon fans are, which was hilarious to see
them locked out.
You know nobody who was at the Kingdome back in the day left that game.
You know goddamn well.
They were going to stay there even if they were going to lose.
They would have sat there and they would have cried like a real fan and then
walked out to your car with your head down.
Well, it was always next year, right?
I have a tremendous amount of respect for that organization.
I mean, obviously the team that they put together is incredible.
But I would like to win the Super Bowl, so I would like to give my team the
greatest chance.
So I was – that was not the damn team that I wanted to play.
But it's not even that they – Seattle won.
It was the way Green Bay lost, and I had to get in my fucking Prius.
Fucking go for a drive.
And I ended up at an Italian restaurant.
They make homemade pasta, right?
And I was right before dinner, and they hadn't made – they were in the
process of making the pasta and their sauce.
So I got a salad and then just a couple of meatballs and sat there and had a scotch.
As the Patriots were playing, recording the game,
just dumbfounded how I watched Green Bay lose that fucking game.
And somewhere halfway through that scotch that I was drinking, it just became
hilarious that my team was playing,
and I was so distraught over two other teams that aren't my team, that didn't
knock my team out,
and that I wasn't even watching my team, even though I was recording it.
And just that whole thing of, like, why the fuck – why do I care this much?
And I don't know.
It just kind of struck me as funny.
Then, of course, I'm talking to the bartender.
You know, he doesn't give a shit about – well, I guess maybe he could give a
shit.
He just needed money, so he was working.
And I just assume if you're taking that shift, you could at least fake sick or
whatever.
So, anyways, Jesus Christ.
Two weeks in a row.
At least it wasn't a bad call, man, but what the fuck?
What the fuck?
Anyways, this is the Monday Morning Podcast.
I don't have any questions or anything this week.
How far into this?
I don't even know how many fucking minutes I'm into this because I didn't look
at the first one.
Should probably – my condolences not only to Packer fans,
but any fan of a fucking team that had to sit there and watch your team have a
game one
and then go into the prevent defense.
I'm really actually going to listen to Sports Talk Radio tomorrow morning
to try and have some – hopefully somebody will explain it.
There's another one I don't get.
Five seconds left in the half.
For some fucking reason, you squib kick it.
So then they get the ball in the 40.
Like, how big a threat is that guy back in the end zone?
What are the odds he's going to take it to the 40?
If they wanted to, they probably won't.
But if they wanted to, they could just fucking heave it to the end zone with
Andrew Luck's arm, right?
I don't know.
I don't fucking get it.
Well, Bill, you're a comedian.
You're not supposed to get it.
Oh, go fuck yourself.

Bill Burr - Seahawks vs Packers 01-18-15

I got to tell you something right now.
I watched the Green Bay-Seattle game, and I am over it.
But I was absolutely fucking sick at the end of that game.
Not out of like a hate in Seattle kind of thing.
It was just that fucking prevent defense, prevent offense thing.
I just, for the life of me, I mean, it has to work.
It has to.
It has to work.
Not only does it have to work.
It has to work way more times than it doesn't work for them to continue the
insanity of playing football for 50 fucking minutes, 55 minutes.
And then in the end, you just play not to lose.
Green Bay went into Seattle.
They shut up their crowd.
They handled, they manhandled them through the first half.
And then when you knew Seattle was going to come back and have a surge, and
they handled that five minutes to go.
They pick off Russell Wilson for the fourth fucking time.
You got the ball back.
All right.
Let's fucking eat up some clock.
What did they do?
They run the ball into the ass of their center three fucking times and then
punt it.
I didn't think they took a minute off the clock.
The whole game.
You got Aaron Rodgers as a quarterback.
Does he all of a sudden not know how to throw a fucking ball?
This guy's a Super Bowl champion.
Do you think he's fucking nervous?
The whole game, you're playing to win.
And then in the end, it was fucking unbelievable.
I can't imagine what it'd be like playing for the fucking Packers.
Aaron Rodgers taking those play calls.
All right, man.
Five minutes to go.
What are we doing here?
What are we going to dump it off to a running back?
We're going to post pattern.
What are we doing here?
Run the ball up the middle.
Okay, all right.
Yeah, I get it.
Burn a little clock here.
Ready!
Ready!
Set up!
Timeout.
Two seconds.
Three seconds off the clock.
All right, coach.
Second down to ten.
What are we doing, huh?
We're throwing the ball here, right?
What are we going to do?
A little play-action fake?
Freeze the linebackers?
Do something here?
Maybe pick up five, six yards?
Run it up the middle.
Really?
All right, hey, you're the boss.
Ready!
Omaha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Are you fucking serious?
The fuck are we doing, right?
You don't want to throw the ball?
Run it into the ass-crap of your-crap.
Center.
This is a recording.
Blue 54!
Set!
Hot!
Over!
Over!
Seattle doesn't take a timeout.
Green Bay kicks the ball away.
They take off fucking 50 seconds, 55 seconds off the clock.
Then what do they do?
Are they going to go back to playing football and get up in their grills?
Rush fucking Russell Wilson, put him on his back like they have been the whole
game.
Ah, fuck that!
I got a better idea.
Let's go into the prevent.
Let's go into the fucking prevent defense, which is basically we don't want to,
we don't want them to score on one big play.
We'll protect the sidelines, we'll give them the middle in 15 to 20-yard chunks
while they burn the clock or burn their timeouts.
That's the philosophy.
So basically you don't give it up on one play.
You give it up on six plays.
And you make every quarterback, every quarterback who's ever faced a prevent
defense immediately looked how Joe Montana or John Elway or Roger Starback used
to look when,
in the final two minutes of the game, when they actually played fucking defense,
as far as I remember.
So Seattle goes right, you know what, and I am literally, where's my phone?
I fucking was texting Paul Verzi.
You want to hear my tweets during the end of this fucking game?
All right, here we go.
Let me scroll.
Oh, Jesus, they're coming in chunks.
Coming in chunks.
Let's see here.
All right, this is me after I watched them run the ball into the ass of their
fucking center three plays in a row and then punted.
All capitals.
What a fucking waste of a possession.
They are now going to ruin it.
Oh, now that, I think they still had one more run to go.
They are now going to run it.
They're just going, Seattle's just going to take a timeout fucking eight
seconds off the clock.
Now they've kicked the ball, I write.
What was the strategy there?
Get the other team to use all their timeouts?
They aren't even going to burn a minute off the clock on four fucking plays.
Paul writes back, I know.
Now Seattle has the ball, and I text.
They are literally going to give this team a touchdown just so they can burn
off time from the clock.
I can't tell if that is good coaching or it is done by the league to give every
game possible a dramatic ending.
This is when I'm sitting there going, I'm a comedian.
What the fuck do I know about prevent defense?
All I know is a fan watching.
Now, obviously, they scored.
I wrote, fucking joke.
Fursy wrote, wow.
Then he said, no TD.
Thank God.
Oh, that's when they threw it to Marshawn Lynch, who, by the way, is the
closest thing I've seen since Earl Campbell.
Watching an entire defense try to tackle that man is like, you ever been drunk
with your friends during the summertime, and all the windows of your car is
down, and everybody gets out of the car on a small hill, and all of a sudden
you notice the car starts rolling, and everybody grabs onto it, sliding in
their tennis shoes, trying to stop it?
Eventually, you fucking do.
That's what it's like watching a defense try and stop Marshawn Lynch.
It's fucking amazing.
Then I go, every fucking game, Paul, every fucking game, that stupid strategy
makes every team look like the 49ers in 1989.
Okay, now Green Bay, okay, now, you don't want to read all this whole fucking
thing.
It's just basically, I'll read the excerpts.
It's the dumbest fucking strategy I've ever seen in my life.
Green Bay Packers deserve this.
Their fans don't.
Then in the end, travesty.
And Verzi said the problem was they kicked, they got field goals instead of
touchdowns.
There's nothing wrong with that if you're playing against a defense, I feel, as
good as Seattle's.
You got to take what they're going to give you.
All right?
You kick the field goals, and then your defense was answering the call.
They answered the bell, whatever the fucking cliche is, and you had the fucking
game won.
Green Bay had the ball back.
They had the ball.
They had their fucking destiny in their hands.
Go for a first down.
If they got two first downs, three first downs, that fucking game is over.
All right.
Sorry, I'm back.
I'm back.
I actually knocked my recorder off.
I was saying I'm so fucking old that when I see people who run like me, how bad
I run,
they've played 17 years of quarterback and blew out an ACL.
Anyway, so I, at the end of the game, watching them, watching them lose that
game the way they did.
First of all, I didn't even say congratulations to Seattle.
Congratulations.
I mean, it's not your fault they stopped fucking playing.
And I guess to say that I'm taking away from your victory, but I'm sure you've
seen your team.
I think every football fan, you've seen your team do that.
You've seen your team just playing football.
I'm not giving up an inch.
I'm right up on you.
Fuck this.
We're winning this game.
And then you go to this whole, like, well, you know, I'll give you like, we'll
give you 10 yards, 15 yards, but that's it.
I mean, just, it's just the exact, I don't know, the mentality of it.
I just don't, I don't understand it.
It makes, you know what it is about the prevent defense?
No game is out of reach.
You have to be like fucking up 21 points.
But if it's below 20, all of a sudden, within five minutes, if you're going to
play that way, it just seems like everything all of a sudden is in reach.
And then the announcers are like, dramatic, alternative, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
Who never thought what?
When you start playing 20 yards off a guy, when you stop calling any imaginative
plays on offense, and even Troy Aikman on the third time was going like, you
know, I got to feel like they're going to run in here and keep it on the ground.
It's like, everybody knew it.
When you got two stand-up comedians texting what the Green Bay Packers are
going to do next, that's probably not a good sign as far as if you're going to
try and win a fucking game.
Dude, I was so, I was so upset because I felt like the pay, you know, I'm not
looking past the Colts either.
I know obviously anything can happen, but if we were going to go to the Super
Bowl, I got to think that for whatever reason, we matched up better with Green
Bay.
I just feel that the fact that we get, for the most part, no pressure on the
quarterback, and you got Russell who's so mobile, that would present a problem.
And then we suck against the run for the most part, and Marshawn Lynch, even if
you're good against him, it takes at least, what, like six, seven people just
to kind of slow him down.
And Seattle's defense is unbelievable.
As annoying as they are, how they stand over every person after they tackle
them as if that person has never been tackled before.
And as annoying as all those bandwagon fans are, which was hilarious to see
them locked out.
You know nobody who was at the Kingdome back in the day left that game.
You know goddamn well.
They were going to stay there even if they were going to lose.
They would have sat there and they would have cried like a real fan and then
walked out to your car with your head down.
Well, it was always next year, right?
I have a tremendous amount of respect for that organization.
I mean, obviously the team that they put together is incredible.
But I would like to win the Super Bowl, so I would like to give my team the
greatest chance.
So I was – that was not the damn team that I wanted to play.
But it's not even that they – Seattle won.
It was the way Green Bay lost, and I had to get in my fucking Prius.
Fucking go for a drive.
And I ended up at an Italian restaurant.
They make homemade pasta, right?
And I was right before dinner, and they hadn't made – they were in the
process of making the pasta and their sauce.
So I got a salad and then just a couple of meatballs and sat there and had a scotch.
As the Patriots were playing, recording the game,
just dumbfounded how I watched Green Bay lose that fucking game.
And somewhere halfway through that scotch that I was drinking, it just became
hilarious that my team was playing,
and I was so distraught over two other teams that aren't my team, that didn't
knock my team out,
and that I wasn't even watching my team, even though I was recording it.
And just that whole thing of, like, why the fuck – why do I care this much?
And I don't know.
It just kind of struck me as funny.
Then, of course, I'm talking to the bartender.
You know, he doesn't give a shit about – well, I guess maybe he could give a
shit.
He just needed money, so he was working.
And I just assume if you're taking that shift, you could at least fake sick or
whatever.
So, anyways, Jesus Christ.
Two weeks in a row.
At least it wasn't a bad call, man, but what the fuck?
What the fuck?
Anyways, this is the Monday Morning Podcast.
I don't have any questions or anything this week.
How far into this?
I don't even know how many fucking minutes I'm into this because I didn't look
at the first one.
Should probably – my condolences not only to Packer fans,
but any fan of a fucking team that had to sit there and watch your team have a
game one
and then go into the prevent defense.
I'm really actually going to listen to Sports Talk Radio tomorrow morning
to try and have some – hopefully somebody will explain it.
There's another one I don't get.
Five seconds left in the half.
For some fucking reason, you squib kick it.
So then they get the ball in the 40.
Like, how big a threat is that guy back in the end zone?
What are the odds he's going to take it to the 40?
If they wanted to, they probably won't.
But if they wanted to, they could just fucking heave it to the end zone with
Andrew Luck's arm, right?
I d