Name: Bill Burr - X Ray Body Scanners At Airports
Uploaded: 2015-02-02T18:33:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - X Ray Body Scanners At Airports' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - X Ray Body Scanners At Airports' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-02. Transcript available.

oh here's i got a funny fucking story for you all right listen to this shit so
i'm going through
fucking security all right and they have the regular metal detector and then
they got the
fucking x-ray one that i don't go through i don't go through that fucking thing
because i don't give
a shit what they tell me that thing is not good for you i remember when it
first fucking came out
and people were opting out and i remember people going like oh what's the big
deal you already
talk on your cell phone like all that dumb shit that people say you know um
yeah it's like oh
yeah so why don't i get extra radiation you know why don't i just add to it
just make sure i get
fucking cancer right and what do they say they try to say that the thing was
totally fucking safe
and then what ends up happening after a year and a half of radiating everybody
in my country too much
they realized that they had the fucking thing turned up too high and to this
fucking day when you go
through one of those if a kid's young enough they fucking send them around
because it fucking retards
the puberty process or something like that but i'm supposed to go through it go
fuck yourself so i
always opt out and i don't give a fuck about your opinion on this by the way i
don't need to hear your
fucking opinion this is just my opinion if you want to go through the fucking
thing more power to you
so i'm down here in australia and they got the regular one and then they got
the fucking the bad one
so every third person or whatever it has to go through or whatever so i come up
and guess what
they want me to go through the other one and i'm like yeah i'm opting out and
they like you can't
opt out in australia so now i'm in this fucking thing where i'm challenging
authority in a different
country which is always scary but i just said i'm not i'm not i'm not going
through it and the guy
starts going like oh well he goes do you mind if i ask you why and i go yeah
because i used to work
in a dental office and i took fucking x-rays and i put a lead vest over
somebody before i fucking
took an x-ray and i got cancer in my family so i don't want to go through it
and he goes well you
can't opt out of here plus the ones down here he goes this thing is he goes
this thing only sees
through your pockets this fucking rent-a-cop like he knows how this fucking
thing works right
oh it just sees through your pockets really you fat fuck what do you know about
anything other
than eating too many fucking donuts you douche right so i say to the guy i go
well we had the
one in the states they had it turned up too high he goes this is a different
one i go no it isn't
i go that's the same company i'm not going through it he goes all right well
then you have to stand
over there i'm like fine so the guy fucking makes me stand over there for like
10 minutes
then this other fucking guy comes walking over and he's got this little fucking
you know like when
the you know like when you get your baseball team schedule or your hockey team
schedule for the
fucking year he comes over with one with one of those that's like four pages
most of it is pictures
and he goes if you just want to read up on it and i just started laughing like
what that little kids
book you have there that explains that complex fucking machine over there and
he goes no it explains it
i go who explained it the people who made that fucking thing i'm obviously not
cursing at him
but they just said you can't fucking opt out it's a law down here now if i had
the fucking time
and the wherewithal the presence of mind during that conversation i should have
said tell me what
law it is tell me what fucking law that says i have to go through that fucking
thing pat me down
we don't do that here well you should fucking start
fucking unreal so then i ended up having to go through the goddamn thing
the guy was actually nice he apologized for it i just said listen man i know it's
not you
it's this is what it always is it's not you you're just the guy here who has to
tell me i have to
fucking go through it but the real cunts who are making money off and who fly
fucking private
who never have to go through that thing don't have to worry about having their
entire fucking head
all the way down to their balls and their fucking toes radiated so as if there's
anybody out there
that has a fucking scientific background it can explain to me how something
that can see through
my fucking clothes is not it's not a uh it's not some sort of an x-ray i mean jesus
christ
drinking coca-cola can give you cancer you're telling me standing in that
fucking thing head to
fucking toe put your arms up oh it just shoots beams at you it's just looking
at what's in your
pockets oh yeah is that why when i come out the other side there's an entire
image of me
i don't know so whatever so that was my fucking big goddamn moment
fucking fat fuck make making me stand there for life another thing that they do
that passive
aggressive thing is they make you stand there for fucking 10 minutes
trying to break your will knowing that you're probably late for your flight