Name: Bill Burr - Super Bowl XLIX
Uploaded: 2015-02-02T18:52:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Super Bowl XLIX' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Super Bowl XLIX' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-02-02. Transcript available.

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast for monday
february 2nd 2015 how you doing how the fuck are you um i know what you guys
are all expecting
you guys are all expecting me for to get on this fucking podcast and to start
going absolutely
fucking crazy because the new england patriots won another fucking super bowl
and beat the loud
mouth green cunts from seattle you know what there is nothing that i would love
to do more than that
i would love to sit here and tell you that i enjoyed every fucking second of
that goddamn game
but unfortunately old freckles missed the game every fucking second of that
game i missed and i
know what you guys are thinking well jesus bill were you kidnapped did somebody
chloroform rag you
what the fuck happened um what happened was is i booked this fucking tour in
australia new zealand
singapore i hope this is recording it's not gonna be too loud i'm doing it on
my fucking iphone because
uh you know because i'm in fucking new zealand and i can't get any outlets to
work and my batteries
don't fucking work i'm just having a technological nightmare anyways you know i
booked this fucking
tour back in november how the hell did i know the patriots are going to be in
the goddamn super bowl i
didn't know you know i'm one of the few fucking football fans that actually
admits that he had
no fucking idea what his team was going to do this year i had no idea you know
um i can't fucking
believe you won i just landed i was literally in the air the exact moment the
fucking game started
and when i landed it was fucking over i missed absolutely everything uh i'm
obviously unbelievably
psyched that we won for a number of fucking reasons aside from the obvious you
know more so than fucking
excited that we won i'm just so happy that i didn't get half to watch richard
sherman run into
fucking brady's face and disrespect the guy again that whole fucking you mad
bro thing i just i don't know
you know you're running up to a champion the guy's got three rings you won a
regular season game and you
treat him like he's a fucking rookie i mean i don't know i've never liked
people that do that type of
shit i'm sure he's a hell of a guy to sit down and have a fucking cappuccino
with but i just you know
all that mugging to the camera and shit i've already seen the highlights where
he did the 24 thing and all
that and i'm sure that's another thing that would have kind of ruined the super
bowl for me was every
five seconds they got to cut over to him or his reaction i hate when they do
that to tom brady
like if the other team scores and you got to see tom brady sitting there with
that i'm mad look on his
face it's like i this there's too much fucking coverage at this point haven't
said all of that
um i'm so it's this is this is the weird kind of like fucking excitement like
the level of excitement
i have right now is i i guess i know what it feels like before the days of tv
and radio you know
you just live in the middle of nowhere and someone walks up to you and like ethel
did you hear we won
the war really that's what i feel like right now i got on a fucking plane and
um yeah i missed the
whole thing and i was praying to god that they were going to have live tv
because they had sports bars
down there that had the fucking game on and everything and um you know i know
what a lot of
you guys were going to see well why didn't you change your fucking flight um
because i am on the
other side of the fucking world and i can't miss shows because of a fucking
football game be at the
super bowl or not be the super bowl okay with tom brady fucking cancel a flight
to watch one of my
specials i don't think he would you know i don't want to get all bronx tail on
you right now but i
know i got a fucking life i gotta lead here so um oh my god i can't believe i
missed the fucking game
but uh part of me when i saw the ending and there was another fucking
ridiculous catching the ball
against your helmet and your ball bag catch and it looked like we were gonna
lose again i literally
would have died a thousand deaths i can tell you right now i would have missed
that interception
because after that catch i would have been walking outside doing laps around my
house like you gotta
be kidding me um but anyways uh i'm psyched that we won obviously and um you
know my condolences to
seattle seahawk fans the real ones the ones from back in the kingdom era the
ones that are still gonna be
in your fucking stadium after pete carroll's gone and everybody's fucking gone
and you guys you know
stink again the same way the patriots will stink again when belichick and brady
leave those the real
fucking fans i feel bad for you all you loud mouthed shit talking fucking cunts
who wear those lime green
wigs you are the guys that i'm happy that you fucking suffered that loss go
yourselves with your stupid
12th man fucking shirts do you know i heard seattle actually has to pay the
college texas a and m for
that 12th man thing that they didn't come up with that you know so they got to
pay them and not to
mention the buffalo bills had a 12th man thing you know back in the early
fucking 90s i don't know i'm
just so fucking happy that we won and that uh you know who knows i'm sure they'll
fucking they'll
measure the thread count in the fucking towels that we were using to dry the
balls off with i'm
sure jim ursay is somewhere trying to figure out a fucking way to try to taint
this fucking victory
i swear to christ did you guys see that thing where the atlanta falcons maybe
got busted for
for pumping extra crowd noise in did you happen to catch that story i swear to
god if the patriots
did something like that we would literally be sitting down in front of the
fucking senate
you know that was another thing another reason why i was so fucking happy that
we won because i'm
so sick of winning games and these fucking cunts bitching about absolute horseshit
at the end of
the fucking game i mean deflate gate deflate gate all of that fucking shit and
and nobody brings up how
many people on the fucking seattle seahawks team have tested positive for
steroids over the last four
fucking years nobody brings up that p carol had a championship taken away from
him for
fucking cheating and i gotta tell you something i don't give a fuck i don't
give a fuck that seattle
used steroids i'm sure we're fucking using them too and whatever fucking p carol
did at the college level
i know there's a bunch of other coaches doing the same fucking thing so i don't
know why people get
cunty with us but who gives a fuck we won the goddamn thing and i am literally
sitting out here
in the fucking abyss that's like i'm ridiculously excited
like this must be like what it's like to find out the patriots won if you're
sitting in
fucking walpole prison in like solitary confinement i can't fucking believe i
missed it
jesus fucking christ i'm sitting there watching documentaries about cricket
my headphones won't work down here nothing's fucking working um so anyways if
you called if
you're fucking are listening this week to hear my blow by blow horse shit you're
not going to get it
this week so i suggest you listen to another podcast but if you want to know
what my fucking australian
tour is like and into new zealand that's basically uh i guess what i'm going to
be
i can't fucking believe what are the fucking odds what are the fucking odds
that literally from the
time my flight started to when it ended that was the exact time that the game
was on um i i don't
know anything about the game i really don't i just know in the end is that seattle
was up by 10 points
and for some reason they're going to say that they lost the game by not running
marshawn lynch in but i
would just say that if you were up 10 points with a quarter to go there's more
than one reason why
you lost that fucking game and uh you know i don't think it's the worst call in
super bowl history i
think it's going to be called that because it didn't work you know what i mean
and uh
if it works then he's a genius i mean talk about guts everybody in the building
is keying on
marshawn lynch and he dumped you know that that was going to be the thing i'm
just so happy that the
patriots didn't lose another super bowl on some fucking circus catch i swear to
god after the helmet
catch well i guess you know i didn't actually mind the fucking helmet catch as
much as i meant i i
was annoyed that asante samuel dropped that interception other than that um the
2007 super
bowl wasn't that bad because i felt that the giants were a better team the
second giant loss
that one was brutal because we fucking blew that game um we fucking blew that
game we had the right
call and it was brady de welker eight yard pass wide open and it bounces off
his back fucking shoulder
that would have iced the game that was a fucking brutal one but uh that first
one uh we definitely
lost so anyways there you go another championship for boston how do you like
that new york city huh
nine championships in like 12 seasons what do you got 58 teams and you can't
even do that yeah it's a
unreal um oh jesus christ why am i shitting on new york you know i'm shitting
on new york because
my team won the super bowl and i didn't even get to see it unbelievable i'm
unbelievable so
i guess i taped the game so i'm gonna have to watch it after i do gigs in new
zealand and then singapore
hong kong mumbai india and then i go to new york for the patrice o'neal uh
benefit speaking of which
last night but when it let me let me just finish here seriously do my condolences
to to uh seattle
seahawk fans i know i'm breaking your balls a little bit there's nothing worse
than losing a goddamn
super bowl and to lose it like that in the end i know it blows um but you know
he just got fucking all that x extra fucking horse shit hype about you guys
being loud
you know it got a little annoying so maybe i am being a little bit of a cunt
what are you gonna do
anyways this is so fucked up people tweeted me so much about awful commercials
during the super
bowl and i just had no i literally you know i might as well have been orbiting
the earth in the
fucking space shuttle that that's like how how much how little i know about
whatever the
happened um i do know that it looked like a hell of a game and uh you know my
heart said we were
gonna win i had a feeling we were gonna win but my brain said that uh you know
on paper we were gonna
lose and to be honest with you before the game started when i was thinking
about it i had no
feeling one way or the other i didn't have a bad feeling like we were gonna win
i didn't have a good
feeling if we won by 40 or lost by 40 i i i don't think either would have
surprised me i just had no
fucking idea on this one so um anyways i feel like i'll let you guys down
because i was you know i'm doing
this goddamn tour and you wanted to hear me gloat and shit but uh you know i'm
not a guy i'm not a
guy who fucking gloats anyways come on i break balls but i don't fucking do
that i'm not gonna
fucking sit here and go act like i played the goddamn game but um anyways and
as much as i don't like the
way richard sherman acts when he wins that guy is one of the best corners in
the league he is
and i wish he was on my team although i wouldn't like to watch that dumb that
he does
you know i'm just thinking right now i'm thinking of all the patriots fans that
are
just fucking shutting it off right now going what the fuck dude i thought he
was gonna go off
i'm sorry i didn't see the game oh goodness once again congratulations to the
new england patriots
that's the podcast for this week uh you know beyond being a fan i'm really
happy for uh tom brady and bill
belichick uh gronk to get his first one the defense and all those guys to get
their fucking rings it's
just it's just awesome and uh you know who can do if tom lost this fucking one
then he'd be three and
three and all the fucking jerk offs would be saying a bunch of shit about him
and to be honest this is
six super bowls in a row this guy drove from behind for the winning fucking
touchdown it ain't his fault
well actually no i can't say that the last one that throw to welker i don't
know i don't know who to
blame on that one but um five out of six this guy's always doing the fucking
deed so it's
so psyched that the defense finally stepped up and i don't even know the name
of the guy that picked
off the ball i never even heard of him i read his name i had no idea so um
anyways my apology to
the sports fans that listen to this podcast because uh i did not see the
goddamn game i can't
fucking believe it um congratulations to the patriots and seriously i'm not
joking condolences
to the seattle seahawk fans i know what the that feels like to uh have a
crushing goddamn defeat but
uh you'll be back next year you know you got a great team and organization and
i don't give a
fuck that your stadium makes you louder and that some of your players did roids
i don't give a
fuck about that shit because everybody's fucking doing that shit all right

Bill Burr - Super Bowl XLIX

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast for monday
february 2nd 2015 how you doing how the fuck are you um i know what you guys
are all expecting
you guys are all expecting me for to get on this fucking podcast and to start
going absolutely
fucking crazy because the new england patriots won another fucking super bowl
and beat the loud
mouth green cunts from seattle you know what there is nothing that i would love
to do more than that
i would love to sit here and tell you that i enjoyed every fucking second of
that goddamn game
but unfortunately old freckles missed the game every fucking second of that
game i missed and i
know what you guys are thinking well jesus bill were you kidnapped did somebody
chloroform rag you
what the fuck happened um what happened was is i booked this fucking tour in
australia new zealand
singapore i hope this is recording it's not gonna be too loud i'm doing it on
my fucking iphone because
uh you know because i'm in fucking new zealand and i can't get any outlets to
work and my batteries
don't fucking work i'm just having a technological nightmare anyways you know i
booked this fucking
tour back in november how the hell did i know the patriots are going to be in
the goddamn super bowl i
didn't know you know i'm one of the few fucking football fans that actually
admits that he had
no fucking idea what his team was going to do this year i had no idea you know
um i can't fucking
believe you won i just landed i was literally in the air the exact moment the
fucking game started
and when i landed it was fucking over i missed absolutely everything uh i'm
obviously unbelievably
psyched that we won for a number of fucking reasons aside from the obvious you
know more so than fucking
excited that we won i'm just so happy that i didn't get half to watch richard
sherman run into
fucking brady's face and disrespect the guy again that whole fucking you mad
bro thing i just i don't know
you know you're running up to a champion the guy's got three rings you won a
regular season game and you
treat him like he's a fucking rookie i mean i don't know i've never liked
people that do that type of
shit i'm sure he's a hell of a guy to sit down and have a fucking cappuccino
with but i just you know
all that mugging to the camera and shit i've already seen the highlights where
he did the 24 thing and all
that and i'm sure that's another thing that would have kind of ruined the super
bowl for me was every
five seconds they got to cut over to him or his reaction i hate when they do
that to tom brady
like if the other team scores and you got to see tom brady sitting there with
that i'm mad look on his
face it's like i this there's too much fucking coverage at this point haven't
said all of that
um i'm so it's this is this is the weird kind of like fucking excitement like
the level of excitement
i have right now is i i guess i know what it feels like before the days of tv
and radio you know
you just live in the middle of nowhere and someone walks up to you and like ethel
did you hear we won
the war really that's what i feel like right now i got on a fucking plane and
um yeah i missed the
whole thing and i was praying to god that they were going to have live tv
because they had sports bars
down there that had the fucking game on and everything and um you know i know
what a lot of
you guys were going to see well why didn't you change your fucking flight um
because i am on the
other side of the fucking world and i can't miss shows because of a fucking
football game be at the
super bowl or not be the super bowl okay with tom brady fucking cancel a flight
to watch one of my
specials i don't think he would you know i don't want to get all bronx tail on
you right now but i
know i got a fucking life i gotta lead here so um oh my god i can't believe i
missed the fucking game
but uh part of me when i saw the ending and there was another fucking
ridiculous catching the ball
against your helmet and your ball bag catch and it looked like we were gonna
lose again i literally
would have died a thousand deaths i can tell you right now i would have missed
that interception
because after that catch i would have been walking outside doing laps around my
house like you gotta
be kidding me um but anyways uh i'm psyched that we won obviously and um you
know my condolences to
seattle seahawk fans the real ones the ones from back in the kingdom era the
ones that are still gonna be
in your fucking stadium after pete carroll's gone and everybody's fucking gone
and you guys you know
stink again the same way the patriots will stink again when belichick and brady
leave those the real
fucking fans i feel bad for you all you loud mouthed shit talking fucking cunts
who wear those lime green
wigs you are the guys that i'm happy that you fucking suffered that loss go
yourselves with your stupid
12th man fucking shirts do you know i heard seattle actually has to pay the
college texas a and m for
that 12th man thing that they didn't come up with that you know so they got to
pay them and not to
mention the buffalo bills had a 12th man thing you know back in the early
fucking 90s i don't know i'm
just so fucking happy that we won and that uh you know who knows i'm sure they'll
fucking they'll
measure the thread count in the fucking towels that we were using to dry the
balls off with i'm
sure jim ursay is somewhere trying to figure out a fucking way to try to taint
this fucking victory
i swear to christ did you guys see that thing where the atlanta falcons maybe
got busted for
for pumping extra crowd noise in did you happen to catch that story i swear to
god if the patriots
did something like that we would literally be sitting down in front of the
fucking senate
you know that was another thing another reason why i was so fucking happy that
we won because i'm
so sick of winning games and these fucking cunts bitching about absolute horseshit
at the end of
the fucking game i mean deflate gate deflate gate all of that fucking shit and
and nobody brings up how
many people on the fucking seattle seahawks team have tested positive for
steroids over the last four
fucking years nobody brings up that p carol had a championship taken away from
him for
fucking cheating and i gotta tell you something i don't give a fuck i don't
give a fuck that seattle
used steroids i'm sure we're fucking using them too and whatever fucking p carol
did at the college level
i know there's a bunch of other coaches doing the same fucking thing so i don't
know why people get
cunty with us but who gives a fuck we won the goddamn thing and i am literally
sitting out here
in the fucking abyss that's like i'm ridiculously excited
like this must be like what it's like to find out the patriots won if you're
sitting in
fucking walpole prison in like solitary confinement i can't fucking believe i
missed it
jesus fucking christ i'm sitting there watching documentaries about cricket
my headphones won't work down here nothing's fucking working um so anyways if
you called if
you're fucking are listening this week to hear my blow by blow horse shit you're
not going to get it
this week so i suggest you listen to another podcast but if you want to know
what my fucking australian
tour is like and into new zealand that's basically uh i guess what i'm going to
be
i can't fucking believe what are the fucking odds what are the fucking odds
that literally from the
time my flight started to when it ended that was the exact time that the game
was on um i i don't
know anything about the game i really don't i just know in the end is that seattle
was up by 10 points
and for some reason they're going to say that they lost the game by not running
marshawn lynch in but i
would just say that if you were up 10 points with a quarter to go there's more
than one reason why
you lost that fucking game and uh you know i don't think it's the worst call in
super bowl history i
think it's going to be called that because it didn't work you know what i mean
and uh
if it works then he's a genius i mean talk about guts everybody in the building
is keying on
marshawn lynch and he dumped you know that that was going to be the thing i'm
just so happy that the
patriots didn't lose another super bowl on some fucking circus catch i swear to
god after the helmet
catch well i guess you know i didn't actually mind the fucking helmet catch as
much as i meant i i
was annoyed that asante samuel dropped that interception other than that um the
2007 super
bowl wasn't that bad because i felt that the giants were a better team the
second giant loss
that one was brutal because we fucking blew that game um we fucking blew that
game we had the right
call and it was brady de welker eight yard pass wide open and it bounces off
his back fucking shoulder
that would have iced the game that was a fucking brutal one but uh that first
one uh we definitely
lost so anyways there you go another championship for boston how do you like
that new york city huh
nine championships in like 12 seasons what do you got 58 teams and you can't
even do that yeah it's a
unreal um oh jesus christ why am i shitting on new york you know i'm shitting
on new york because
my team won the super bowl and i didn't even get to see it unbelievable i'm
unbelievable so
i guess i taped the game so i'm gonna have to watch it after i do gigs in new
zealand and then singapore
hong kong mumbai india and then i go to new york for the patrice o'neal uh
benefit speaking of which
last night but when it let me let me just finish here seriously do my condolences
to to uh seattle
seahawk fans i know i'm breaking your balls a little bit there's nothing worse
than losing a goddamn
super bowl and to lose it like that in the end i know it blows um but you know
he just got fucking all that x extra fucking horse shit hype about you guys
being loud
you know it got a little annoying so maybe i am being a little bit of a cunt
what are you gonna do
anyways this is so fucked up people tweeted me so much about awful commercials
during the super
bowl and i just had no i literally you know i might as well have been orbiting
the earth in the
fucking space shuttle that that's like how how much how little i know about
whatever the
happened um i do know that it looked like a hell of a game and uh you know my
heart said we were
gonna win i had a feeling we were gonna win but my brain said that uh you know
on paper we were gonna
lose and to be honest with you before the game started when i was thinking
about it i had no
feeling one way or the other i didn't have a bad feeling like we were gonna win
i didn't have a good
feeling if we won by 40 or lost by 40 i i i don't think either would have
surprised me i just had no
fucking idea on this one so um anyways i feel like i'll let you guys down
because i was you know i'm doing
this goddamn tour and you wanted to hear me gloat and shit but uh you know i'm
not a guy i'm not a
guy who fucking gloats anyways come on i break balls but i don't fucking do
that i'm not gonna
fucking sit here and go act like i played the goddamn game but um anyways and
as much as i don't like the
way richard sherman acts when he wins that guy is one of the best corners in
the league he is
and i wish he was on my team although i wouldn't like to watch that dumb that
he does
you know i'm just thinking right now i'm thinking of all the patriots fans that
are
just fucking shutting it off right now going what the fuck dude i thought he
was gonna go off
i'm sorry i didn't see the game oh goodness once again congratulations to the
new england patriots
that's the podcast for this week uh you know beyond being a fan i'm really
happy for uh tom brady and bill
belichick uh gronk to get his first one the defense and all those guys to get
their fucking rings it's
just it's just awesome and uh you know who can do if tom lost this fucking one
then he'd be three and
three and all the fucking jerk offs would be saying a bunch of shit about